Richard Feynman said that the best way to learn something is to teach it. When it comes to UPSC essay-writing espcially, the power of this approach can not be overstated.
There is something painfully missing in pedagogy-and that’s pedagogy itself. No one teaches you about teaching itself. Or just how potent it can be as a learning tool.
If there is merit in learning from teaching, then students should be taught to become good teachers, instead of just good students.
Why is it that students are only ‘taught’ things, are spoken-down to, are recipients of and are destined to be consumers of ‘Education’ and not the teachers of it? Should it not be the other way round?
It is in the nature of this process to compel the ‘teacher’ to learn and raise the bar of his/her understanding to higher levels. Especially, If he/she is to avoid embarrassment.
This is because you can not evaluate or teach something to someone who already knows more than you. You must have something valuable to share or to point out, in order for any meaningful ‘teaching’ to have taken place.
You are therefore, forced to learn.
How to use this technique to improve UPSC Essay-writing and preparation?
It is simple: You become the UPSC examiner and think like him.
Remember the judge from the previous lesson? For now, assume that you are him.
You remember from the previous lesson what the UPSC wants from your Essay-writing is the following:
- Effective and exact expression
2. Staying closely to the topic
3. Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion
4.Writing concisely
Here is an essay of a brilliant student of mine, who shall remain anonymous and who recently appeared in the UPSC Mains exam.
I evaluated it and shared my feedback with him. Here is a portion of that email conversation-
"....You have written a really good and detailed essay which I was really happy to see. Right at the outset you define what a pandemic is and then get straight into it. The whole thing flows smoothly and you cover everything in great detail and maturity of understanding. It is also clear that you have used many of the techniques mentioned in the book to very good effect. Here are some things which I thought might be useful- After the introduction, you get right into the economic impact of the pandemic and then weave your way across. I think you could insert a paragraph here mentioning and informing the reader about what is to come, something along the following lines- The impact of the pandemic have been wide-spread and deep. It is safe to say that no area of human life has remain unaffected by it- be it economic, psychological, infrastructural or otherwise. You could then proceed to write about each of these dimensions and chunk the relevant portions of the same dimension together. For instance, while speaking about the psychological impact of the pandemic you mentioned how it forced people to go inwards and introspect about things which they otherwise take for granted. This is a brilliant point to add but it could benefit from better organization. When you mention the dimension ( economic, psychological, ethical, historical, philosophical etc) you are focusing on, it not only organizes the essay neatly for you, it also tells the reader what to expect in the next few paragraphs. So you cover the economic dimension and talk about some examples and offer some data and your conclusions. Then you move on the next one and so on. Now I know this is a different way to organize the essay than ESSELGO method but you are advanced enough in your writing to be able to pick and choose the best elements from both. You could use them simultaneously as well but this is totally up to you and the type of essay topic you are faced with. Further on, You cover the Indian perspective nicely and it fits right in the rest of your essay comfortably. Again, my advice is to announce what you are going to do in the next few paragraphs before you dive into the details of it. In this instance, you did exactly that when you mention that the pandemic effected all countries and India was not spared. I would insert some space after this sentence to just give that particular sentence a tiny paragraph of its own and start the rest of the points after that in the next para. This tiny paragraph serves as your sub-topic, in essence without actually being one explicitly. By setting this precedent, when the examiner looks back to your essay, he will find that every essential block of your essay is followed by a small one-to-two sentence sub-topic-type paragraph. Another thing which stands out after reading your essay is your focus on the economic dimension which you obviously understand very well and have done a good job of illuminating in detail. I'd say you could distribute your expertise and highlight more aspects of the pandemic to give your essay more width and to cover more ground, so to speak. That said, there is no broad area which you have left uncovered including the Environmental one which is great. It is nice to see how you balance and counter-balance many of your points with both positive and negative outcomes, like you do with the rise of domestic violence versus the surplus time which the lockdown made available to people. This is exactly the kind of stuff you want to read on an Essay topic where the primacy is the impact of this mega-event. Impact always goes both ways. This type of thinking is desirable and you should use it in the Exam. The conclusion is solid. The only thing I would add is perhaps something future oriented like the following- The covid-19 pandemic is not the first and will not be the last pandemic which humanity faces. Through the hard-learned lessons which we have collectively learned, we can build a more sustainable and resilient world for our future generation etc...There is a small but significant gap in the grammar which if you were to fill out ,it would make your writing beautiful. What I mean to say is that you write with great effectiveness and deliver the message logically very well. The next level is to introduce poignancy in your writing. You can do this by adding short and impactful sentences which appeal to the common sense. Sentences such as- The pandemic shook the world. The world stood paralyzed as a microscopic entity humbled us all. There is no bargaining with a virus, Cooperation became imperative. The virus showed us that cooperation is not optional. Human cooperation equals survival. The pandemic has broken our collective arrogance temporarily. Will we allow another mega-event like global warming to stir us into action or will we show proactiveness? Denial is not an option with natural calamities. etc. Notice that I am using metaphorical writing in these sentences. I want you to drop these micro-sentences and sprinkle them over your writing to produce that effect which knocks the reader in the head with a jolt. Remember, however, not to overdo it. Overall, I would place your essay in a solid 120-140 mark range with the only caveat being that I am erring on the side of caution. Tc and stay healthy, Ravi
Notice that I highlight the good and the not-so-good while giving useful suggestions. This is called constructive criticism and it is what you also must practice in your Evaluation reports. But the purpose of sharing this with you goes beyond just a demonstration. I want to impress upon you the fact that while writing the above feedback, I probably learnt more about writing and the essay topic than the writer of the Essay.
This is what you must experience now.
It is your turn to be the judge.
Your assignment is to judge the same essay and submit your evaluation reports based on the rules mentioned below.
Assignment & Rules of Evaluation
Your task is to prepare a 500 word evaluation report on the essay. Here are some things which you should include-
- Note any mistakes in grammar, syntax and language. Point out where the mistake occurs and what the mistake was.
2. Note any analogies and metaphors used in the Essay and see if they help explain the issue or if they confuse you. Where would you insert metaphors and how would you do it?
3. Find if some of the longer sentences be converted in to shorter, more impactful sentences? Find 5 such sentences from the Essay and write their shorter and more impactful versions.
4. Note any deviations from the topic and mention the paragraph and sentence where it occurs. Explain in 50 words or less about your suggestions of how the deviation(s) could have bee avoided.
5. Note the structure of the Essay carefully. Isolate the main points.
6. Rate the following on a scale of 0-10 where, 0 is horrible and 10 is superb-
- Effective and exact expression
- Staying closely to the topic
- Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion
- Writing concisely
7. Add the 4 ratings and divide by 4. That’s the score for this Essay according to you. Include this score in your report.
8. Mention what you liked most and disliked most about the Essay and how you would improve upon it.
Building this report will test you. In the process of making this report, you must become the judge, the jury and the executioner and balance the three acts.
Good luck!
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1.There are minor mistakes is essay like- Pandemic put the world on crysis, this should be ‘Pandemic put the world into crysis’
Trust on it. This should be ‘trust in it’.
2.Some analogies are also being used like India has been compared to other developed and developing countries.
Metaphor is also used like Pandemic opened the eyes of humanity.
3.I’ve found some such long sentences from the essay and tried to write it in a shorter form
*Since the pandemic opened the eyes of humanity for a while to look back on their deeds, nature has given us an opportunity to correct the mistakes and lead to sustainable growth –
Shorter sentence: Since the Pandemic has opened the eyes of humanity and urges to lead sustainable growth and development.
*Apart from gaining global prominence both due to its military preparedness, economic reforms, and its power in the Pharma sector to produce Vaccines for the world, India also noticed many underlying structural problems within the country like issues of migrants who were forced by the pandemic lockdowns to return to their natives and their vulnerable position.
Shorter sentence: Apart from gaining global prominence in military preparedness, economic reforms and its pharmaceutical sector to produce vaccines. Many underlying issues and structural problems are revealed. Such as Migrants and their vulnerable position.
*Many such new experiences for countries made them revisit their policies, trade relations and dependence, large-scale disaster management preparedness, global cooperation during crisis times, and a lot of other related things.
Shorter sentence: Many such new experiences were gained by the countries. This forced them to revisit the policies and trade relations. Large-scale disaster management and global co-operations are highly required for a crysis like this.
4.Personally i didn’t find any major deviation from this essay.
5.Structure of the essay:-
Definition
Effects of pandemic
Positive and negative outcome
Comparison of India with other countries
Conclusion
6.
Effective and exact expression-8
Staying closely to the topic-9
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion-8
Writing concisely-8
7.My score for this essay is 9
1) The introduction is not justifying enough. It seems like the prelude for the conclusion.
2) The essay is good in terms of effective and exact expressions but lacks grammatical accuracy. The use of gonna words in not like gonna is not acceptable in such exams like UPSC at all.
3) However, the writer is has maintained a balanced choice of words tried to stay closely with the topic but however failed to provide some static and scientific datas.
4)The writer has done a good job some paragraphs are in a orderly fashion.
Verdict- I would award 5 for effectiveness and expressions , 9 for staying closely to the topic,4 for arranging of ideas and 4 for concise writing…So average will come out 5.25.
1) The introduction is be not justifying enough. It seems like the prelude for the conclusion.
2) The essay is good in terms of effective and exact expressions but lacks grammatical accuracy. The use of gonna words in not like gonna is not acceptable in such exams like UPSC at all.
3) However, the writer is has maintained a balanced choice of words tried to stay closely with the topic but however failed to provide some static and scientific datas.
4)The writer has done a good job some paragraphs are in a orderly fashion.
Verdict- I would award 5 for effectiveness and expressions , 9 for staying closely to the topic,4 for arranging of ideas and 4 for concise writing…So average will come out 5.25.
1.There are minor mistakes is essay like- Pandemic put the world on crysis, this should be ‘Pandemic put the world into crysis’
Trust on it. This should be ‘trust in it’.
2.Some analogies are also being used like India has been compared to other developed and developing countries.
Metaphor is also used like Pandemic opened the eyes of humanity.
3.I’ve found some such long sentences from the essay and tried to write it in a shorter form
*Since the pandemic opened the eyes of humanity for a while to look back on their deeds, nature has given us an opportunity to correct the mistakes and lead to sustainable growth –
Shorter sentence: Since the Pandemic has opened the eyes of humanity and urges to lead sustainable growth and development.
*Apart from gaining global prominence both due to its military preparedness, economic reforms, and its power in the Pharma sector to produce Vaccines for the world, India also noticed many underlying structural problems within the country like issues of migrants who were forced by the pandemic lockdowns to return to their natives and their vulnerable position.
Shorter sentence: Apart from gaining global prominence in military preparedness, economic reforms and its pharmaceutical sector to produce vaccines. Many underlying issues and structural problems are revealed. Such as Migrants and their vulnerable position.
*Many such new experiences for countries made them revisit their policies, trade relations and dependence, large-scale disaster management preparedness, global cooperation during crisis times, and a lot of other related things.
Shorter sentence: Many such new experiences were gained by the countries. This forced them to revisit the policies and trade relations. Large-scale disaster management and global co-operations are highly required for a crysis like this.
4.Personally i didn’t find any major deviation from this essay.
5.Structure of the essay:-
Definition
Effects of pandemic
Positive and negative outcome
Comparison of India with other countries
Conclusion
6.
Effective and exact expression-8
Staying closely to the topic-9
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion-8
Writing concisely-7
7.My score for this essay is 8
The essay is written well . Explanation about the pandamic crisis in several sectors like economic, social, political well said . But should have mentioned some examples related to it.
Should have mentioned –
•WHO organisation’s role
•Vaccines related information in diplomacy and within country
• Digital learning
Pandamic caused crisis in tourism sector and best example would be Srilanka.
Some paragraphs were short and some sentences were long – irrelevant
Statements are understandable but are not in flow and unclear.
Introduction – is explained substantially
Body part – where some points are less elaborated and No examples used
Conclusion – good use of phrase and scheme
Rate :
Effective and exact expression = 7
Staying closely to the topic = 8
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion = 4
Writing concisely = 5
Score = 6/10
Likes : mention of scheme and phrase , international relations, health care related points , positive and negative impact
Dislike : long sentences, spelling errors, unclear sentences, no examples
It is a pleasant essay I read. It touched almost all the dimensions of society. The flow of the essay can’t be judged by me. However, there are some things that I think should be considered as need to improve.
1. There are some grammatical mistakes such as “PANDEMIC PUT The World On Crisis”, this should be “pandemic put the world into crisis”.
PUSHING MANY TO DEPRESSIONS, this can be replaced by using “pushing many into depression.
ALL MOST ALL THE COUNTRIES, I think it may be replaced as “almost all the countries”. DISRUPTIONS TO IT must be changed via ” disruptions in it”. GONNA BE, this resembles a slang word which makes this line informal instead of this it should be “going to be”. TRUST ON IT, this should be “trust in it”. EXPERIENCES FOR COUNTRIES can be written as “experiences of countries. FIXED THE GAPS, The correct alternative for this is “feel the gaps. GIVEN FOR PUBLIC HEALTH could be written as “given to the public health”.
2. Some analogies are also being used like India has been compared to other developed and developing countries.
Metaphor is also being used as PANDEMIC OPENED THE EYES OF HUMANITY.
and yes they helped in exposing the issue.
3. Some sentences that can be shorter are:
1. THE CORONA VIRUS DISEASE, BEING THE RECENTLY HIT PANDEMIC, HAS PUT THE WORLD ON CRISIS, BRINGING IN NEW CHALLENGES AND EXPOSING THE INEQUALITY IN SOCIETY. It can be shorter as “the coronavirus disease recently hit pandemic. It puts the world in a crisis and brings many challenges that lead to inequalities in society”.
2. THIS PANDEMIC HAS ALSO GIVEN A CHANCE TO RETHINK AND AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE. Its shorter form can be “Pandemic provides an opportunity to rethink and make the world a better habitat.
3. THIS PANDEMIC HALTED ECONOMIES CREATED HUGE JOBLOSSES AND PUSHED MILLIONS INTO POVERTY. I can write it as “Pandemic halted economy and created unemployment which lea to poverty”.
4. NEWS OF IMMENSE LOSE OF LIVES AND ALSO LOSING SOME FAMILY MEMBERS AFFECTED MENTAL HEALTH PUSHING MANY TO DEPRESSIONS. It can be shortened to “the news of the immense loss of lives affected the mental health of the people. It causes depression.
5. THE CONDUCT OF WHO, FAILURE IN ITS ROLE OF COORDINATING AND CONDUCTING AN IMPARTIAL PROBE IN THE ORIGINS OF THE VIRUS RAISED MANY QUESTION ON ITS CURRENT EFFICIENCY AND CREATED A LACK OF TRUST ON IT. It can be written as “The failure of WHO to conduct an impartial probe into the origin of the virus raised questions about its efficiency.
4. Deviation from the topic can be seen in the below lines:
HOWEVER IN THE FAST CHANGING GEOPOLITICAL SCENARIO BOTH RUSSIA AND US RECOGNISED INDIA AS A STRONG POLE IN A MULTIPOLAR WORLD. OUR SWIFT ACTIONS IMPRESSED GLOBAL INVESTORS WHICH AS A RESULT MADE INDIA EMERGE AS A TOP FDI DESTINATION EVER DURING THE TIMES WHEN MOST OF THE COUNTRIES INCLUDING INDIA REGISTERING NEGATIVE GROWTH. In my suggestion, the contribution of India could be added to how India tackled this pandemic.
5. Though the structure of the essay is not as we have been taught, however, it is not bad. The writer focuses on the flow of the essay.
6. My rate on the following scales for this essay is
1. Effective and exact expression: 7
2. Staying closely to the topic: 8
3. Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion: 7
4. Writing concisely: 5
7. My score for this essay is 6.
8. The thing that I liked most is the way the writer touched most of the dimensions, except some like the environment, and the way he stayed around the topic. The thing that I dislike is the structure of the essay. I could have improved the essay by adopting the ESSELGO technique.
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thank u sir,
Assignment:
1. Some Grammatical mistakes and Spelling mistakes and Lacks proper Punctuation.
2. Analogies – Comparing other countries with India (Economic status). Metaphor – Pandemic opened the eyes of humanity… Pandemic locked the whole world (Introduction) The COVID’19 pandemic froze the economy…
3. Find if some of the longer sentences are converted in to shorter, more impactful sentences? Find 5 such sentences from the Essay and write their shorter and more impactful versions.
1. Since the pandemic opened the eyes of humanity for a while to look back on their deeds, nature has given us an opportunity to correct the mistakes and lead to sustainable growth – Shorter sentence: Since the Pandemic has opened the eyes of humanity and urges to lead sustainable growth and development.
2. Science and technology are growing at a fast pace so is human greed which has made governments and people turned partially blind to human-incurred devastations occurring in the world. – Human greed is growing alongside science and technology which made governments and humans partially blind to its consequences.
3. Secondly, the fragile health care system which was neglected for decades showed its incompetence to even get beds in the initial days.-Secondly, the Health care sector showed its incompetence through lack of beds, oxygen,doctor-patient ratio, and treatment facilities.
4. Apart from gaining global prominence both due to its military preparedness, economic reforms, and its power in the Pharma sector to produce Vaccines for the world, India also noticed many underlying structural problems within the country like issues of migrants who were forced by the pandemic lockdowns to return to their natives and their vulnerable position. Short sentence: Apart from gaining global prominence in military preparedness, economic reforms and its pharmaceutical sector to produce vaccines. Many underlying issues and structural problems are revealed. Such as Migrants and their vulnerable position.
5. Many such new experiences for countries made them revisit their policies, trade relations and dependence, large-scale disaster management preparedness, global cooperation during crisis times, and a lot of other related things. Short sentence: Many such new experiences were gained by the countries. This forced them to revisit the policies and trade relations. Large-scale disaster management and global co-operations are highly required for a crisis like this.
4. Note any deviations from the topic and mention the paragraph and sentence where it occurs.
However, in the fast-changing geo-political scenario both Russia and US recognized India as a strong pole in a multi-polar world.
In spite of the Pandemic, India’s performance and swift actions attracted the eyes of global investors.Also,countries like Russia and USA recognized India as a strong country in the multi-polar world.
5. Structure of the essay:
What is a Pandemic? How it changed the world? Relationships b/w Pandemic and world changes. Why it is important?
Positives and negative outcomes
Indian things
Should things
Summary/Conclusion.
6. Effective and exact expression -6/10
Staying close to the topic- 7/10
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion – 5/10
Writing concisely – 3/10
7. Score- 5.25.
8. Mention what you liked most and disliked most about the Essay and how you would improve upon it.
The flow of the essay is fantastic. But, Minimizing spelling mistakes and proper punctuation would have made the essay even more beautiful. Increasing the variety of content would improve the scores.
1. Mistakes :
• Disease THAT IS SPREAD – disease that spreads
• Pushing many to DEPRESSIONS – pushing many into depression
• Oil based economies – GONNA BE – going to be
• WHO – a lack of trust ON IT – in it
• GLOBAL reliable cooperations – globally
• Struggles a lot which COSTED – cost
• Lead sustainable GROWTHS – leads to sustainable growth
2.
METAPHORS : not much used
• Pandemic opens the eyes of humanity – it helps to explain the issue.
• Some metaphors I would include are :
• We all bought tickets to a show no one wanted to see. Pandemic
• Alarmed and unarmed in the war of COVID 19 the global community has tried various ways to combat it.(followed with examples)
• COVID 19 pandemic is a Marathon with unpredictable hurdles. India lacked necessary infrastures in healthcare sector. This led to vaccine and oxygen shortage leading to life loss.
• Every cloud has a silver lining. The Pandemic too opened our eyes to the positives of bonding with family by staying at home.
3. Concise sentences:
1. News of immense loss of lives and also some family members affected mental health pushing many to depressions.
-News of losing loved ones adversely affected the mental health of many.
2. Leaders realised the need for improved priorities to be given for public health for a good economic health of country.
– Leaders realised to prioritize public health in order to stabilize economy of our country.
3. Moreover, lockdowns made people stop running for a while in their busy life and revisit themselves, rebuild good family relationships, know neighbours each other well, discover inner potentials, learn some new skills.
-Moreover lockdown gave us a necessary pause in life to introspect and to rekindle with our loved ones.
4. With its proximity to the believed origins of the virus, Wuhan, China and its huge populations and density at cities, lack of public hygiene, dwindling primary public healthcare system, a very big population to doctor ratio and all these in the backdrop of a slowly picking up economy which had slowed down largely in automobile sector in 2019.
– A developed capital like Wuhan,China faced its own challenges like dense population, dwindling healthcare sector, lack of sufficient doctors and a slow economy.
5. Apart from gaining globall prominence both due to its military preparedness, economic reforms and its ppower in pharma sector to produce vaccines for world, India also noticed many underlysing structural problems within the country like issues of migrants who were forced by pandemic lockdowns to return to natives and their vulnerable positions.
-Though India gained global prominence in economic reforms, military preparedness and a strong pharma sector, inequal development persists. For example, structural challenges regarding rehabilitation of unemployed migrants.
4.
Deviations – political + social suspected not addressed . Sources of data not mentioned.
5. Structure of the essay :
1.definition
2.Impact –economy
3.Response, by the world and India
4.recovery
5.indian response
6. current situation and way forward.
6
• Effective and exact expression – 6
• Staying closely to the topic – 7
• Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion – 6
• Writing concisely – 5
7.Score : 6
8. LIKED : Examples and dimensions. DISLIKED : too many words, randomness in structure.
1. Disease that spreads not is spread. Some writing like ‘on or an’ in 6th is not understandable. Raised many ‘questions not question’ in 7th para. According to me , it would be better if it is written ‘a body called/named WHO’ instead ‘a body WHO’. should have told a few words about contributions of doctors, nurses; role of internet for spreading some fake news etc. Otherwise Syntax is maintained and language is lucid.
2. I wtite this way, ‘Oil based countries realised their vulnerable positions in near future ‘, as a result of these difficult times then put comma to understand the Two different sentences.
3. ‘with its proximity to the believed……..’ this whole sentence can be shortened one by breaking two or three parts. It was believed, In Wuhan of China the virus was originated. Huge population & its densities, collapsed health care system, lack of public hygiene system, poor population doctor ratio were the reasons behind slow economy. The economy largely slowed down in automobile sector in 2019.
•Lockdown compelled to work from home. On-line education got a big boost which opens for distance education.
•Apart from gaining global prominence in pharma sector, militant preparedness, economic reforms India also noticed many problems. The vulnerable conditions of migrants walking in roads highlighted that.
4. Also in 2nd para talking about economic problem after that suddenly jump into health issue, mental problem. I think this should not be done. After talking about the whole problems related to economy then should add mental issue part with the line of ‘people stop running for a while………’
5. Main points are talking about economic, mental issue, isolation, increases of suicide; importance of India globally and its management power; initially WHO’s negligency about detecting the virus; originated in Wigan, China; India’s pharma sector and more cost spends on vaccine research etc.
6. ▪7
▪8
▪6
▪7
7. Total= 7
8. Liked most i.e. cover almost every aspects of pandemic & damage due to it in different sectors. Also talk about future situation. Language is very lucid which is easy to understand. Maintain flow except little.
Disliked= sometimes get’s bored by reading long lines and difficult to understand some lines & words.
Improve= write Long sentence in a short way. Clean handwriting in some extent. Cover some more aspects like transport section etc
1)There were minor mistake in essay like
disease that is spread (disease that
spreads )
2)If i would be writing i use this one
“We are not living in fear.We are living in
faith”.
3)It didn’t include COVID,s origin ,
psychological issues.
4)In 16th paragraph,stuck to
Atmanirbhar bharat and should wrote
about govt. initiatives and schemes
rather than including IR in same para.
5)Many points are there
effects of pandemic
About countries and their relations
Several sectors like IT, education.
Export/import issue
WHO failure
IR
Hygiene issue
Sci n tech , digital India
6) Effective and exact expression -6
Staying close to topic -7
Arranging ideas -5
Writing concisely -6
7)Total score -6
8) Introduction is good but didn’t write
point vise and didn’t mention all topic
Anyway the ending of ‘Vasudeva
kutumbhkam ‘ is good.
I,ll focus on point vise description and on
countering well .
1: There are minar grammatical mistakes such singular number, plural person and unnecessary use of comma.
2: Losing of some family members affected mental health and pushing many to depressions, should be depration. In essay one paragraph talking about Uno and who these sentence can be better structured.
3: Several portion of the essay has been repeated that can be curtailed ex-economic sphere
4: Personally i don’t think any deviation from the topic. It covers all the dimensions of the essay/ stack holder.
5: There are various main point such as lacunae in the global institutions, poor condition of hygiene and sanitation, poor health care facility, domestic violence and under preparedness to deal with global pandamic so.on
6: effective and exact expression-8
– staying close to the topic-7
– Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion-7
– Writing conclusion-10
7: My rating to this essay-8
8:I like mostly in this essay is domestic violence and atmanirvar Bharat so on
Dislike- it doesn’t cover the migrant crisis due to strict lockdown.
Overall the essay is covering all the dimensions economic, political, environment, phsychological so.on
The essay has quite a few grammatical errors and does not contain the required punctuation marks. The tense form keeps changing often and lies as a barrier to the flow of the essay. Certain things like the manner in which various sectors were discussed, the use of current affairs and facts are caught my the reader effortlessly. Words related to the issue were missed (Social-distancing). The essay did disintegrate the Economic sector and also criticized the UN. Simple statements w.r.t health that were re-iterated, could’ve been avoided.
Effective and exact expression – 7
– Staying closely to the topic – 8
– Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion – 6
– Writing concisely – 6
Total score – 6.75
1. There were not much grammatical mistakes. It was well articulated and flow was apt.
2. The points where pandemic gave us an opportunity to rethink and realize our mistakes can be shortened.
3. There were no much deviations but the way points were put appears so. For example, the paragraph explaining science and technology, human greed, global warming is a generalist statement and not shown how it is related to pandemic and its effect on the world. Another deviation is where automobile sector is brought in abruptly without any proper transition. It could have first explain about the status of health care in a contemporary manner and then transit into a different sector
4. Effective and exact expression – 7, Staying closely to the topic – 7, Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion – 8, Writing concisely- 6.
5. Final score = 7
6. The most I liked in the essay is that it has touched upon the economic aspect of the pandemic beautifully however there were no factual or relevant examples to substantiate it. Rather just mentioning a World bank report says so is of no use.
1. Note any mistakes in grammar, syntax and language.
– disease that is spread ( disease that spreads )
– big push for basic sciences ( big push to basic sciences )
– This essay can be written simply in simple tenses but use of perfect tense makes it complex.
2. shorter and more impactful versions.
– Finally pandemic gave us a chance to rethink and rectify our past mistakes.
– Post pandemic, nation leaders should cooperate as one. Because pandemic is unknown of borders and affected every section equally.
– Moreover, pandemic exposed loopholes in our disaster preparedness. India should rethink about of its dependence on other countries for essential commodities. And try to develop them indegenously as soon as possible.
3. Deviations
– Not explained economic aspect and jumped to criticizing WHO.
– From Ayurveda paragraph to science and technology paragraph without any transitional word breaks the continuity in the flow.
– Use of transitional words and short sentences can help in minimizing deviation plus explaining one aspect wholly and then move forward to other one.
4. Effective and exact expression – 5
– Staying closely to the topic – 8
– Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion -5
– Writing concisely – 6
5. Total score – 6.
6. Mention what you liked most and disliked most about the Essay and how you would improve upon it.
– I liked the use of transitional words while changing the paragraph or topic as it gave a continuity in the essay.
– Simplicity of sentences and words lead to more clarity of what the writer wants to convey.
– Most of the aspects were included. It was like a snapshot of what happened in the year 2020.
– But things like fake news, social distancing words were not mentioned.
– Economic aspect was disintegrated.
– There were Repetion of sentences like exposed inequalities, improvement in public health care system. These should be explained a little bit.
1) grammatical mistakes not able to find myself
2) if i am is there I must tell about world pollution environment unemployment isuue helath
3) defination of disease relevant data unemployment data pollution reporta
4)Elaborate of world prospective
5)use data defination
6 & 7) 8+9+7+10—-37 score is 8.5
8) use data defination dislike more eleborate about Indian my suggestion is more eleborate on worldwide prospective
Some grammatical mistakes are seen,
Introduction is well written, definition is not a simple sentence.
This pandemic ceased the functioning of economy is a better way to say the same.
The sequence of argument is not followed, it should have
1.defination
2.immediate response, by the world and India
3.what is a virus?
4. lockdown and their impact, if there was any hasty decision?
5.economic impacts
6. social impact
7.recovery
8.indian response
9. current situation and way forward.
author tried to touch too many subjects such as mental health, domestic violence, supply chain, energy security etc. but couldn’t establish points under the same.
Essay is not written in active voice. Too much use of “has been” is seen.
fast changing geopolitical scenario between US and Russia is a wrong fact and example as trade war was ongoing during the pandemic.
greed of humans is incorrectly compared with the growth of science and technology, which is in turn compared with climate change.
Effective and exact expression 7
Staying closely to the topic 7
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion 6
Writing concisely 6
scored: 6.5
Liked: Worldwide coverage of the topic, each and every aspect of the pandemic is taken under consideration, a self reflecting conclusion adds up the charm.
dislike: examples would have been better, some points have been left un-established,
1. unable to find the mistakes.
2. we can use this quote “cleanliness is next to godliness”. cleanliness is an important aspect in the maintenance of hygiene. cleanliness helps people to change or divert their mood to other directions.it creates a positive environment.
and he can more discuss about indian people – how they faced it,how it destruct the life of people like- workers of small factory, sex worker and children education too.
5. i- what is pandemic
ii – how its affect the people
iii-world crisis
6.
(i) Effective and exact expression: 8
(ii)Staying closely to the topic: 9
(iii)Arrangement of the ideas in orderly fashion: 7
(iv)Writing concisely: 7
7. 7.75
8. liked-data related to pandemic and disliked-he can more discuss the family love increase in pandemic. that give the to maintain their self and to know what’s going in others life?
I found grammatical mistakes (specially use tense , preposition , spelling mistakes and unnecessary use of comma )
2nd paragraph 3rd line
Wrong: use of will ❌
Right : past tense should use
3rd paragraph
Wrong: confining to the home
Right : confined into their home
Wrong spelling : Hygene
Right spelling : Hygiene
Wrong : a very big population
Right : a large number of population
2nd page 1st paragraph
Wrong : All most all countries
Right : Almost
6 page
Wrong : Compelled for work from home
Right : Compelled to work from home
There are many more grammatical mistakes otherwise everything is perfect.
Most liked things :
1. World wide view in the essay
2. Points like Aatmanirbhar Bharat and Swachh bharat Abhiyan
3. Postive impact and negative impact of Covid-19 discussed in well manner
4. Data of World Bank Report used nicely
5. Optimistic view Vasudev kutumbakam
Most disliked think
1. Unnecessary comma
2. Long sentences
3. Not use proper sentence
Rating : I will give 7.5 marks out of 10
Use of analogy and metaphor produce positive effect on reader’s mind .
1. Satirically held mirror for the consequences
2. Flood gates for education
Little bit deviation found in 1st paragraph of page 8 and 9
Some sentences can be concised and can use in more effective way ———-
1. Recently the outbreak of covid-19 pandemic entire world has faced the brutal challenges and exposed the inequalities in the society .
2. According to World Bank report more than 150 million became poor .
3. Every day the news of the death of a family member, relatives and friends pushes many people into despair depression and suicide .
PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER.
In my opinion,
Grammatical errors within the formation of sentences are observed.
2nd para second line -pushed/into- its like beating around the bushes bcz we used both at same time in the same line which nearly gives same meaning which I felt. At starting itself we are making the judge to get our weak points and making him to loose interest to study the rest, and defining the pandemic in simple language is good what if everyone choses the same, so we can write the common definition in unique way.3rd page “Governments across the globe” line can be re-formed like world(instead of globe).Connections are lost while discussing the origin ,no proper conclusion on some topics, so deviation is observed.
Improvements- need some step by step connections and clear cut expressions to the topic
What’s the beauty of Essay is – He written in very simple language and he chose to write everything close to the topic in every aspect(economically,socially..) and he also written how India tackled with its ideas like..Atmanirbhar bharat abhiyan..
I learned so much by this exercise through examining how we can write and evaluate
thank you sir
Evaluation-
1. Minor grammar mistakes such as singular-plural selection, punctuation, apostrophe usage, article usage, etc. eg: world on crisis should be “world amidst crisis”; pushing many to depressions should have “depression”; All most must be “Almost”; economic health of country is missing an “a”; one should not use words like “gonna” in formal essays, it is an informal expression.
2. Could not find much analogies or metaphors. There has been a celebration of 75 years’ of UNO which has been used as a satirical metaphor for questioning the institution of WHO. However, the sentence needs better structuring, as I quite did not understand what it was actually trying to convey.
3. Several portions have been repeated and thus longer sentences can be curtailed. eg: World over countries… could be rewritten as “Governments across the globe struggled to provide healthcare benefits, more so in developing and underdeveloped countries. The latter hence, suffered more loss of lives.” The 1st sentence on page 3 can be merged with the 1st sentence under discussion. However, humanity paused… this sentence can be avoided as it is being repeated. Moreover lockdown… in this sentence, “each other well” can be omitted.
4. I would call this more of a conflict. The first sentence states that QUAD gets strengthened, which is followed by a statement mentioning the diminishing position of USA as a superpower. Contextually, perhaps the statements are understandable but do not follow well. Mostly discussion has revolved over economic impact, but would be nice to see more elements elaborated.
5. The essay has economic, psychological, social, health, international relations mentioned. However, the press has been more so over economic issues than the other aspects. The other aspects could have been covered better. eg: Environment has not been properly discussed, very generic topic has been explained with no clear connection to COVID. Statements such as: ” With the start of the COVID era, it seemed nature had finally received a break from continuous industrial, motor fumes. Even pictures across social media sites and newspapers flooded with unimaginable sightings. The likes of which were flamingo sighting in Mumbai, azure skies, clearer star-lit skies of urban cities. Yet, when studies were conducted there seemed only a minor reduction in air pollution, as COVID had yet to stop the industrial fumes to rise.”
6. Rate the following on a scale of 0-10 where, 0 is horrible and 10 is superb-
Effective and exact expression: 7
Staying closely to the topic: 7
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion: 4
Writing concisely: 5
7. Score: 5.75~6/10
8. Likes: I liked the mention of Indian aspects such as Atmanirbhar Bharat, Swatch Bharat Abhiyan inclusion, Ayurveda’s importance being recognized even more. If similar initiatives can be mentioned, it gives the essay a more Indian touch. Even federalism could be discussed regarding vaccines, also us crossing 100Cr vaccine mark vs developed countries like Russia having the same % vaccinated. The impact over education can be discussed, NFHS reports can be incorporated etc.
Dislikes: Repetitions must be fixed. The author can decide beforehand what aspects need to be covered and then cover it one after the other in a connected fashion. Suppose if the first dimension is the economic aspect, which after is discussed, there should be a cue to the next dimension.
Use of connectives and keywords regarding the topic are used such as -Furthermore, however, meanwhile, fortunately, supply chain,WHO, disaster management preparedness, health of economy,mammoth problem,compelled,Atma nirbhar bharat, expansion ist mindset, amplified, existential threats,deep rooted inequalities, opening flood gates etc.
Various sentence can be used concisely or with better expression such as-
‘Make the world a better place'(in what context,humanism, suitainability, cooperation federalism at national and international level)
‘created a lack of trust on it'(trust deficit – can be used)
‘a lot of other things'(mention context which other things )
‘As a result of these difficult times'(as a consequence) or better phrase can be used
‘another important thing to be noted is'(major major area/sector)
Other words that can be replaced with a better expression such as -a lot,busy life,very big problems,many section of people,at a very fast pace)
Some spelling mistakes are also there.
1. I didn’t find any major deviations from the topic
2.Though Vario us dimensions are covered but the essay is not well structured.
It starts with intro(could have been more better)then economic impacts, lockdown impact, mention of international bodies such as who,what govt realised ,and people or significance or positive aspects of covid,again lockdown impact,again repeating the same dimension of how it impacted people lives which cam be included above,issues india is suffering from such as health care, governance poor,then again what people realised which cam. Be included above then conclusion.
The ideal structure should be (in my opinion)
Intro
Then covering various sectors -economy, health care, impact of lockdown,how people lives affected )
Then how govt and people coped up with it.
Loopholes in the system and how it can be improved
Significance of pandemic/people/govt at both national amd international level
Various govt and people initiatives taken
People realisation and climate change
How it change people’s perceptions and govt.
Conclusion
Way forward
1.effective and exact expression-5
2.stay close to topic-6.5
3.arrangement of ideas-3
4.write conscisely-4
The best part I liked the Vario us dimensions coverd along with solutions,but the arrangement is not well structured.
Great evaluation!
It looks like you’ve covered most of the aspects of an evaluation. This kind of examination of the good and bad in an essay will help you in your own writing process as well. I suggest that you keep practicing this with other essays so you can settle the concept and habit in your head.
Keep working hard!
Pandemic has changed the world forever:
The introduction of essay is very good and but what i found that there should be use of deconstruction well like explaination about what corona is missing.
Grammatical mistakes are like know neighbours well ,world on crisis,pushing many into depression .these sentences can be used betterly like building relation with neighbours and sufferers of depression increased.
Methaphors and analogies such as flood gates of distabce education ,funding of pandemics
Although use of word and sentences are good but can be reduce in sizes if point conveyed directly without detailing.
Paragraphs are stick to essay but i found not interconnected with eachother like deviated much like when we are talking about india and suddenly come to world.
The essay covered each and every aspect of essay like social -migrant issue,building stong family relationetc ,economical like growth of countries GDP ,FDI inflow etc cultural- vasudaiva kutumbakam, use of STEPPE .
My scoring
7,9,7,5
That’s a good analysis! I’m glad to see how you’ve paid attention to the details.
Although I do think that it’s okay to use relatively detailed sentences at times, especially when you think the added elaboration will help your point.
I hope you learnt from the essay, and keep practicing on others!
Author has used simple yet effective words to convey his knowledge about the topic.
There were very few grammatical mistakes, few spelling mistakes in words like hygiene, implementing etc.
Metaphors used were “floodgates’, ‘turning blind eye’. .
No deviation from the topic.
The essay could be deconstructed as: meaning of pandemic, the relation between pandemic and crisis, economic impact, psychological impact, pandemic as a global crisis, reforms in institutions, world co-operation, introspection, Indian aspect, digital technology, pandemic as a lesson.
final score- 7
The best thing about the essay, according to me, was how it stayed to the point and touched almost every dimension of the topic. The words used were simple and easy to understand.
The essay could be improved in terms of the arrangement of arguments .
Overall it was a great attempt and I learned a lot from it
I’m happy to hear that you learnt from the essay. I do agree with the things you have pointed out, and also suggest that you give it another read to find more precise loopholes or strengths of the essay. Perhaps you’ll be able to avoid or inculcate them respectively in your answer as well.
Keep evaluating more essays!
1)Pandemic has changed the world forever.
Here below are a few things that I noticed in the course of the evaluation:
Now to point out the mistakes are grammatical mistakes which changed the sentence. Some are no need of using necessary in this place.
Some lines can be turned into small expressions by breaking them up hence making them more effective. Eg.
The corona virus the recently hit pandemic has put the world at crisis. It has brought new challenges and inequalities in the society.
Like in india people providing voluntary services and helping the needy selflessly.
Also the Humanity factor can be luminated better at both indian and global level.
The structure was good but the sequence can be more precise. Some points were illustrated more
Than 1 time libo education and
pre different times.
They can be explained as a
The essay has covered an exhaustive list of dimensions. It brings out the conflict between Pandemic and the responses from the world as well as way forward to recover from the damages incurred.
The introduction is succinct and simply worded.
The body of the essay talks about the negative consequences of the pandemic on economy, health including mental health, education, environment and international institutions.
Effect of the COVID 19 on India has been well highlighted. However, India’s lacklustre response to pandemic has been ignored in the essay.
Effective and exact expression : 9
Arrangements of Ideas in an orderly fashion: 8
Writing concisely : 9
Staying close to the topic: 10
Total score: 9
Overall, it was a comprehensive and well thought out essay
It looks like you’ve an eye for details! It’s good to see that you could point out specific sentences and points.
It looks like you have covered quite a lot of the aspects of evaluation, so I’d simply suggest that you improve this by practicing more on other essays. It’ll make the criteria clearer in your head, and as a consequence, help you with your own essay!
The essay covered different dimensions of the changes that happened due to the pandemic. Although it is a well thought out and well written essay, there were few grammatical, punctuation and spelling mistakes such as the spelling of hygiene and implementing. Instead of using “in a future” use “in the future”, use “scientific field” instead of “science field”, etc.
The change in behaviour of the individual during pandemic and change in the society as whole has been highlighted properly. The role and mismanagement of the WHO as an international organisation has been mentioned properly.
The candidate has tried to explain the effects of pandemic on developed, developing and under developed nations. He also tried to specify the impacts on Atmanirbhar Bharat and role of India during this pandemic.
In my perspective this essay dealt more with its effect on the economy as compared to the other aspects. Though this essay covered everything properly, there were few repetitions and long sentences which can be rephrased. The candidate used simple and clear language which is easy to understand and it helps to keep their point clearly and prominently.
Effective and exact expression= 8
Staying closely to the topic=9
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion=7.5
Writing concisely= 6
Good work! It’s great to see that you are able to lay down the specifics of your evaluation. I do agree with you on the scope of improvement in the repetitive phrases/points.
You’re looking at the evaluating process the right way, just keep practicing on other essays as well so the criteria settles into your mindset firmly.
Pandemic has changed the world forever.
Here below are a few things that I noticed in the course of the evaluation:
Now to point out the mistakes are grammatical mistakes which changed the sentence. Some are no need of using necessary in this place.
Some lines can be turned into small expressions by breaking them up hence making them more effective. Eg.
The corona virus the recently hit pandemic has put the world at crisis. It has brought new challenges and inequalities in the society.
Like in india people providing voluntary services and helping the needy selflessly.
Also the Humanity factor can be luminated better at both indian and global level.
The structure was good but the sequence can be more precise. Some points were illustrated more
Than 1 time libo education and
pre different times.
They can be explained as a
The essay has covered an exhaustive list of dimensions. It brings out the conflict between Pandemic and the responses from the world as well as way forward to recover from the damages incurred.
The introduction is succinct and simply worded.
The body of the essay talks about the negative consequences of the pandemic on economy, health including mental health, education, environment and international institutions.
Effect of the COVID 19 on India has been well highlighted. However, India’s lacklustre response to pandemic has been ignored in the essay.
Effective and exact expression : 9
Arrangements of Ideas in an orderly fashion: 8
Writing concisely : 9
Staying close to the topic: 10
Total score: 9
Overall, it was a comprehensive and well thought out essay.
This evaluation has been posted above under the name of Bharat Kumar. Please check the remarks there.
1-Spelling mistakes are found and grammar mistakes.There were few spelling mistakes like hygiene, incompetence, implementing.Also ‘world in crisis’ can be used instead of world on the crisis ,’density at cities’ instead density of cities .Commas are missing after some words.
2-“Turning blind eye”,”Flood gates” metaphors were used.There was a way to add more metaphor in this essay . Analogies-irony of UN 75 year celebration and WHO crisis,mammoth problems.
4-Did not find any deviation.
5-Essay can be deconstructed like:
Meaning of pandemic, relationship between crisis and pandemic, reforms in institutions, economic impact,global crisis,world co-operation,Indian aspects, digital technology.
6-Effective and exact expression-8
Staying close to the topic-9
Arrangement-7
Writing concisely-6
7-final score-8
8-According to me,best thing is that it stayed closed to the topic and very well explained every point of the topic.Due to easy words used in n the essay, sentences can be understand easily.Inshort it is very comprehensive.
9-This essay could be improved by maintaining good flow of structure from one paragraph to another.Metaphors can be used more in the essay to stay connected with the reader’s mind and it should relate with the topic.Also,spelling and grammar mistakes should be corrected.
It was a great attempt and vocabulary of essay was good also examples used in the essay were related to topics.
I agree with all of your observations! Good work on figuring out what didn’t work well for the essay, and what did.
It’s also good to see your take on how the deconstruction could’ve been handled in the essay.
Keep working hard, and practice more!
Pandemic has changed the world forever:
The introduction of essay is very good and but what i found that there should be use of deconstruction well like explaination about what corona is missing.
Grammatical mistakes are like know neighbours well ,world on crisis,pushing many into depression .these sentences can be used betterly like building relation with neighbours and sufferers of depression increased.
Methaphors and analogies such as flood gates of distabce education ,funding of pandemics
Although use of word and sentences are good but can be reduce in sizes if point conveyed directly without detailing.
Paragraphs are stick to essay but i found not interconnected with eachother like deviated much like when we are talking about india and suddenly come to world.
The essay covered each and every aspect of essay like social -migrant issue,building stong family relationetc ,economical like growth of countries GDP ,FDI inflow etc cultural- vasudaiva kutumbakam, use of STEPPE .
My ratings
7,9,7,6
Score 7
In the essay the cause of pandemic and issues are discussed exactly but what lack was reforms need and solution to tackle such pandemics missing .
The essay gives likes us how to use every essay writing technique effectively to stand out from crowd and how a balanced approach can make things better.
I believe this evaluation has been posted above under the name of Sakshi. Please scroll for remarks.
Evaluation report
Grammar, Syntax, language errors
– The last para in page 2 says “trade relations and dependence” which I think can be worded better.
– Page 6, First para, towards the end says “post pandemic period will never be same daily business as it was”. It was superfluous and not concise.
– Page 4, First words, “World over governments have struggled.”
Analogies and metaphors
– mammoth problems, opening flood gates to distance education, slew of measures, amplified the voices – Good use of both analogies and metaphors
– post pandemic period will never be same daily business as it was – confusing. Simply writing “Pandemic has created a new normal where masks, hand sanitisers are as crucial as clothes in public.”
Longer sentences into shorter sentences
– Long sentence page 7 – “Apart from gaining global prominence both due to its military preparedness, economic reforms and its power in pharma sector to produce vaccines for world, India also noticed many underlying structural problems within the country like issues of migrants who were forced by pandemic lockdowns to return to natives and their vulnerable positions.”- Sentence is too long with grammatical//syntax error at the end.
– Shorter sentences – India has bridged the gap with developed countries with economic power and military preparedness. It is considered as the Pharmacy of the world. Inspite of this, the plight of migrants who endured hungry stomach and the tiring journey to reach home is an eye opener.
Close to topic
– The essay was close to topic. I never felt it deviated from what was required.
Structure of essay
– The introduction of essay is good. It has neatly segued into economic impact of pandemic. While the beginning focused on global impact of pandemic, the Indian angle was neatly placed in structure of essay. The positive aspects of pandemic such as self reflection etc., were good points. I think the writer tried to do a mix ESSELGO technique with BGInS and Dimension analysis. Instead of listing all bad things first and good things later, there was a mix of good and bad things through dimensional analysis of Economic, International and others. Indian and should things marked a return to ESSELGO technique. While it was a good attempt mix best of both techniques a proper structuring of dimensional part where all economic impact was included in one place would be good. Use of International, Psychological and environmental dimensions made the essay look whole. Other dimensions such as Temporal where 1918 pandemic, SARS, MERS etc., could be added. Conclusion is good but lacks a futuristic perspective.
Evaluation
– Effective and exact expression – 6
– Staying closely to the topic – 8
– Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion – 5
– Writing concisely – 5
Total Rating – 6
I liked the mixing of both techniques and the use of International dimension the most. The flow of the essay was decent and it was clear that he followed was discussed in class. While examples used are good, use of more data at the appropriate place would have strengthened writer’s arguments. Correcting grammatical, syntax errors and usage of short sentences would go a long way in improving the quality of the essay.
Great work! This is very close to the kind of critical review a good evaluation demands. I’m happy to see that you’ve tried to pay attention to the details.
It’s good to know that you were able to find the parts that appealed to you, and I hope you’ll imbibe them in your own methods of essay writing.
Keep practicing on other essays to let the format get absorbed in your head completely!
Evaluation report :
1.There are a few minor grammatical errors.l found some spelling mistakes too like hygiene, incompetence etc. Unnecessarily commas are used afterwards like however, furthermore, secondly etc.
Otherwise the essay is crisp
2.Analogies- irony of UN 75 year celebration and WHO crisis ,mammoth problems
3.There are few sentences which needed a break down and some other needed simplification
*News of immense loss of lives and also losing family can be changed *Globalised world phrase can be replaced with -across the globe and the sentence can be altered as -supply chains got skewed challenging the supply of even essential commodities. It exposed the vulnerabilities of resource dependant nations .they especially include oil producing nations.
*in 5th page 1st paragraph should be properly arranged. India was also one among them instead of india was not spared .Giving backdrop and jumping to slow down,automobiles does not fit right.
*5th page last para ,last 2lines can be simplified
*Atma nirbhar Bharath-a self reliant india to fulfil aspirations of world too needs to be changed
*In sentence regarding migrants-it can be changed to -as a result they were forced to move to their native places due to imposition of lock downs and it also exposed their vulnerable position
STRUCTURE OF ESSAY:
INTRODUCTION—-> POINTS IN FAVOUR OF “PANDEMIC INDUCED IRREVERSIBLE CHANGE”—> “INDIAN THINGS”—>”SHOULD THINGS”.
IT IS LACKING CONCLUSION WHICH GOT SUBMERGED WITH “SHOULD THINGS” . SO , CONCLUSION should be added following SCoReF technique.
MOREOVER, AREAS WHERE PANDEMIC HAD ZERO OR NEGLIGIBLE IMPACT SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN (eg: virtual gaming , isolated science based missions etc ) as small part of structure .
-Effective and exact expression – 7
-Staying close to the topic – 7
-Arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion – 7
-Writing concisely – 7
-Overall score -7
The things that could be improved are the order in which things ideas are discussed. For example, impact at individual and institutional level- societal, national and global should be discussed. Followed by challenges in various dimensions- economic, health, scientific and the solutions there in. Furthermore, this essay is an opportunity to be creative. The way you reimagine the world post-pandemic could be an impactful conclusion. That way, your essay will linger in the mind of examiner for a while.
Great evaluation indeed!
It’s good to see that you’ve come up with a detailed analysis of what you think went wrong with the essay. I agree with your point about the conclusion as well.
I do suggest that you give it a second read and perhaps also identify the elements that you did like. It’ll help you streamline your own vision on what’s good and what’s not.
Keep working hard!
Pandemic has changed the world forever.
The eassy is very well described and the way it was written makes quite interesting. it tells the impact of pandemic in our life .they eassy is also very informative in this pandemic situation it’s gives the actual facts of this pandemic situation although it’s well
Described there are some grammatic mistakes at some points but they are actually Minor so it’s okay .now going towards Metaphors and Analogies wings of growth and development for our country etc .
The easy also gives postive approach.and the main focus of this eassy was on pandemic ,economic global institutions ,cooperation, politics ,public health , education system and so on
Score board :8
In my opinion the eassy was actually good .it focuses on actuall facts . seems interesting for the reader.
Thankyou sir
Good attempt at evaluating this. You’ve given it a thorough read, which is a good sign. Next time you may also try to find out the particulars of what you like or don’t like, so you can have a more in-depth understanding of the evaluation technique.
Keep working hard!
) There were very few grammatical mistakes. Although I found some punctuation missing like putting commas after words like however, furthermore, secondly, etc. Also, there were few spelling mistakes in words like hygiene, implementing, incompetence, etc. At certain places, better prepositions can be used. e.g.-‘ world on the crisis’ instead of ‘world in crisis’, ‘pushing many to depression’ instead of ‘pushing many into depression’, ‘density at cities’ instead of ‘density of cities’.
2) Analogies- irony of UN 75 year celebration and WHO crisis ,mammoth problems
3) All the points and the intent was clear, but examples of it could be better and some examples were brilliant.
4) while stating power of pharma sector , has to raise dependence on other countries (USA, China) for raw materials (like API)
5) used schemes, more focus on positive , cover all dimensions are good.
6) effective and exact expression:6
staying close to the topic :6.5
arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion:6.5
writing concisely:6
total :6.25
Good attempt!
I am happy to see that you chose to point out the problems in separate points. That’s a good way of clarifying things in your mind.
Keep practicing!
) There were very few grammatical mistakes. Although I found some punctuation missing like putting commas after words like however, furthermore, secondly, etc. Also, there were few spelling mistakes in words like hygiene, implementing, incompetence, etc. At certain places, better prepositions can be used. e.g.-‘ world on the crisis’ instead of ‘world in crisis’, ‘pushing many to depression’ instead of ‘pushing many into depression’, ‘density at cities’ instead of ‘density of cities’.
2) Analogies- irony of UN 75 year celebration and WHO crisis ,mammoth problems
3) All the points and the intent was clear, but examples of it could be better and some examples were brilliant.
4) while stating power of pharma sector , has to raise dependence on other countries (USA, China) for raw materials (like API)
5) used schemes, more focus on positive , cover all dimensions are good.
6) effective and exact expression:6
staying close to the topic :6.5
arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion:6.5
writing concisely:6
total :6.25
7) Most liked parts
simple and effective introdcution.usage of crisis as an opportunity, connecting to swatch bharat abhiyan, vocabulary like-mammoth problems,floodgates
PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER.
The essay was great and impressive. Some of points i observed in the essay are-:
1)Essay was crisp and clear except minor grammatical errors.
2)Essay was accordance with the structure, consisting of T1 and T2,and correlation.
3)All the points and the intent was clear ,but examples of it could be better and some examples were brilliant.
4)possitive approach to the essay.
5)Essay was according to the topic.
6)Conclusion makes all of us think for a while.
7)Score board =8
8)I would like to appreciate the analogies made and the positive points give on the essay.
9)I really loved the essay as it in a positive way explaining all the situations in a wonderful way,and a good structure.
Good evaluation!
I am glad you found the essay impressive and helpful. I hope it’ll help you further your own understanding of the topic as well!
It seems like you can maybe give it a second read as well, and find out for yourself which were the things that didn’t fit, or could’ve been handled better (if any).
Keep practicing with other essays!
the review of the pandemic essay
The essay overall have the narratives and dimensional views are also evident.though it is structured well in most cases i feel that the structure is broken in some places and could have been better fitted.for example,para 12 and para 14 deals with lockdown’s positives on psychological dimension and about india respectively.para 13 gives the start about indian things but it would have been better arranged little bit different.
The essay have spelling error in para 18 and there are grammatical errors in usage also.These errors are so minimal overall anyway.
The essay covers the factors and sectors related but still certain other aspects could also have been covered like environment,heathcare sectors,services of people at various places to add some more positive things.
There are lot of places of usage of very long sentences put as one paragraph itself.It’s better to make them simple 2 or more sentences .
eg:
1.para 6-“The conduct of WHO,failure in its role of co ordinating and conducting an impartial probe to the origin of virus raised many questions
on its current efficiency and created a lack of interest.”-original version.
restructuring-The WHO had failed to properly conduct and co-ordinate during the early stages of pandemic outbreaks.It lacked the impartial probe about the origin of virus leading to its criticisms from all.
(i) Effective and exact expression: 4
(ii)Staying closely to the topic: 9
(iii)Arrangement of the ideas in orderly fashion: 5
(iv)Writing concisely: 5
Score: 7
In para 25, the point that”humanity survives only if there is inclusive growth” was very good point but was not supported by any argument leaving it less catchy.
The attempt of this essay is really appreciable with covering overall aspects well but still little bit corrections can make it look more good than now.
‘
Great evaluation!
I’m really happy to see that you know exactly what went wrong according to you, and exactly where. You’re going in the right direction with this.
Keep practicing with other essays as well!
Pandamic has changed the world forever.
In this topic, ESSELGO techniques is well applied, breaking down the essay into T1, T2.
5.In this eassy you cover lots of important facts about the covid 19 pandemic.
2.The introduction is started with simple sentence and and every subject are to the point.. That is really attractive.
The essay is flows smoothly and every situation that faceing the whole world is mentation . E.c this pandemic halted economic and created huge jobless and pushed million into poverty.
1.But there is some spelling mistakes and minor grammatically mistakes. Sometimes you used so unnecessary word so try to avoid this.
3.Try to shorten the sentence and you can also use some better example.
There is some Positive approach.
6.
1.Effective and exact expression – 8
2. Staying closely to the topic -9
3.arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion -7
4. Writing concisely 8.
7. 32-4=28
8. I like the most the subject is to the point.. And use so many important facts..
Good attempt at evaluating this!
It’s clear that you have given this a considerable amount of efforts. I hope you take this as a good example and continue to work on your own language as well.
Keep up the hard work!
The essay is well structured and the use of ideas, expressions is very lucid. The ideas, examples are arranged and creates a clear scenario of the present situation in the reader’s mind. The introduction of the essay is well described and proper definition of the pandemic and its effect is present but the impacts of the pandemic on the society could have been described a little more vividly before jumping to the economic part. As, I always have a problem in sticking to a particular sub topic of an essay on which the topic should be focussed more and end up making blunder, here I could find that the writer has well maintained his focus on the sub topics. The sub topics are well categorized and descriptive. Some expressions need to be penned properly and there is lack of use of examples in the essay which plays an essential role in describing the difficult situations of the pandemic. The writer has listed a number of measures and steps taken by the Government to overcome the financial crisis and sustain in this difficult situation which is appreciable. There are some grammatical mistakes which could be rectified. Focusing on a single sub topic would have worked better. Elaboration of the sentences were required at some places while some sentences could have been written short and precisely. Overall, the writer has done a tremendous job and I would give a straight of 9/10 to this essay.
Great evaluation!
I like how you’ve managed to establish a connection between your own problems with essay writing and the strong parts of this particular essay. It means you’ve not only read it, but also thought about it. I suggest you keep practicing this with other essays as well, and I’m sure it’ll help you identify a lot more things about your own writing!
ASSIGNMENT
Evaluation Report:
@ The grammar, syntax and language was written in a definite way and has low effort to understand and the mistakes occurred was not that trouble getting into the points.
@ The analogies and metaphors used in the essay was encouraging the basic simple lines and covering the structure in chronological way.
@ The written structure of the essay is already written in short with impactful version which does not need any further modifications but just one think I express in common is over information on something less associated i,e UNO anniversary report.
@ My suggest towards the essay will be that it could be more focus on Indian Perspective Covid 19 crises and ways to uplift from the Death rate, Lockdown, Health issues, Economic crises etc.
@ The structure of the essay is done well planned and correctly used Pre-writing techniques before starting the essay and was really inspired by the quote used in last line.
Rating:
Effective and exactly expression – 7
Staying closely to the topic- 8
Arrangements of the ideas in an orderly fashion – 9
Writing concisely – 7
Total : 7.74
On the conclusion the essay was perfectly written and the topics was clearly justified by the writer.
All the Best, Keep the flow of great works?
Good attempt!
It’s good to see that you have pointed out the mistakes and good parts with a clear distinction. I hope it helps you write a better essay yourself the next time.
Keep working hard!
The essay is neat and crispy and also it is included with good points. It has covered about the issues faced during the pandemic and some of the impacts that faced by many people in the society.
It covered the negative impacts like education, job, health, IT sectors, tourism, migration, economic issues and also the celebrations taking place virtually due to this pandemic, positive impact like rebuild family relations, inner potentials, neighborhood, global cooperation etc..,
Essay included the issues faced by WHO due to the failure in coordinating and conducting, also explained about vaccine production to world and the problems faced by the country which connects the issues internationally.
Some schemes like Swachh Bharat and Atmanirbhan Bharat Abhiyan were also included. Old traditional method of healing like Ayurveda was also included and at the end with Vasudeva Kudumbakam for unity.
Effective and Exact expression: 9
Staying closely to the topic: 9
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion: 8
Writing concisely: 9
Very well summarized. Good job at charting out all of the points that were included in the given essay.
Although you have given great attention to detail the positives of the essay, I notice that you skipped out on finding out the mistakes/areas of lacking/scope for improvement. A good evaluation comes with some suggestions. Try to give it multiple reads, as it may help you figure out what’s missing according to you!
Good work, keep practicing!
The structure of the essay and the overall flow of ideas, analogies, examples and the STEPPE method perspectives were arranged in a very ordered fashion. In spite of all of these details and analysis, the reader will be able to understand the ideas the writer is trying to convey thanks to the smart arrangement of the sub topics (these are the things that I observed more as these are my weak areas).
The essay revolved around the economic effects of covid as its core. I feel like there could have been a balance where equal attention could be given to all topics but at the same time, the essay is structured in a way that there is a synergy between all the topics and each of the sub topic compliment the overall structure which I believe is the strength of this essay
Grammatical Faults are extremely minor, no diversion of topic, just right amount of detail the writer smartly did not include any controversial topic
There are only slight changes I would make to the essay
I would talk about the positive impacts that covid has had in families and social interaction in a more positive manner because I feel this would give a new perspective to the argument and relive the stress placed on the economic back drops caused.
The conclusion felt like it was a bit abrupt I wanted it to be a little lengthier so that it would encompass and serve for the variety of topics used above.
Overall, the essay is a solid 9/10 from me
I’m happy to read your evaluation! I’m glad you paid particular attention to areas which you think you need to improve in. It’s a sign of introspection, which is the first step towards success.
I see that you’ve carefully noted why the goods are goods, or why your suggestions need to be a part of the essay. Try marking categorically for clearer understanding of the areas in which any given essay needs work.
Keep working hard!
Pandemic has changed rhe world forever .
EVALUATION
Some big lines can be turned into small expressions by breaking them up hence making them more effective. Eg.
The corona virus the recently hit pandemic has put the world at crisis. It has brought new challenges and inequalities in the society.
More examples can be added and elaborated.
Like in india people providing voluntary services amd helping the needy selflessly.
Also the Humanity factor can be Illuminated better at both indian and global level.
The structure was good but the sequence can be more precise. Some points were illustrated more than 1 time like education and depression at 2 different times.
They can be explained as a different dimension with facts and figures rather than combining with economy or other phase.
The ending could be better. Rather than adding other elements focus should be concentrated on Pandemic , the lesson it gave and future plans.
Else it was a good essay with good metaphors and exact expressions.
Writer seems stick to the topic. All the dimensions were covered and writer explains all the main points.All the problems and challenges occured during pandemic were elaborated.
Also tl counter some opportunities and the pisitive side of this hard phase was also reflected. Like how countries need to change their old policies and invest more in Health care.
Effective expressions – 9
Staying close to topic 8
Arrangements of idea in order 7
Writing concisely 8
Great attempt at evaluating!
I can see that you’ve taken well to the essay, and hope that you added the content to your knowledge set.
While you’re recommending changes, particularly in case of additions, see if it’s possible to actually give some examples. That helps you dig deep, revive your own language, and really process the ideas.
Keep practicing!
The essay has covered an exhaustive list of dimensions. It brings out the conflict between Pandemic and the responses from the world as well as way forward to recover from the damages incurred.
The introduction is succinct and simply worded.
The body of the essay talks about the negative consequences of the pandemic on economy, health including mental health, education, environment and international institutions.
The interesting bit is about emphasis on reform of International institutions and how it’s connected to the pandemic. The mismanagement of pandemic by WHO fits the context.
Unintentional positive aspects of the pandemic are well highlighted like self introspection , meeting family members etc.
Effect of the COVID 19 on India has been well highlighted. However, India’s lacklustre response to pandemic has been ignored in the essay.
Policy paralysis, over-centralisation of power in the hands of prime minister as well as unscientific views spread by many of our legislators have not been brought to the front.
An important aspect which only got partial attention was the conflict between Ayurveda and modern system of medicine. Also, how business interests like Patanjali were trying to spread misinformation for profit has not been covered.
Behavioural changes brought by the pandemic has been well highlighted as a positive aspect which is praiseworthy.
Overall, it was a comprehensive and well thought out essay.
Effective and exact expression : 9
Staying close to the topic: 10
Arrangements of Ideas in an orderly fashion: 8
Writing concisely : 9
Total score : 9
That’s a good attempt, it’s quite evident that you’ve carefully gone through the essay as well as the article.
I believe some of your suggested additions might come across as political views, which should probably be represented in an essay by catering to both sides or simply sticking to factual information.
Keeping that in mind, it might help you to look at the given essay with a more balanced perspective and recommend changes that do not put the stability of arguments at risk.
I’m glad to see you’re evaluating the essays with just the right approach! Keep practicing with other samples.
Evaluation report :
1.There are a few minor grammatical errors.l found some spelling mistakes too like hygiene, incompetence etc. Unnecessarily commas are used afterwards like however, furthermore, secondly etc.
Otherwise the essay is crisp .
2.So many good metaphors like turning blind eye and analogies like WHO crisis, mammoth problem etc are used in it .Still there are possibilities to use more metaphors in this essay ,like -How pandemic has unmasked the shortcomings in our infrastructure-in this way.
3.All points are clear .But some long sentences can be shortened .
4.I hardly find any deviations here.The essay is discussed so well to the point with brilliant examples. But the writer could distribute the expertise and highlight more aspects of pandemic to give the essay more width and to cover more ground.
5.Isolating main points-
Meaning of pandemic and crisis, economical and psychological impacts, global crisis, reforms in institutions, world co-operation, impact on India,digital technology and virtual platforms, pandemic taken as a lesson .
6.Effectiveness-7
Close to topic-8
Arrangement-7
Concise-7
7.Total score -7
8.I really learned a lot from this essay .Writer of the essay expressed all the aspects of pandemic in a positive way. It touches probably the every dimension of the topic. Overall it’s a great attempt.
I am happy to read your critical review of the essay, Shatabdi! You paid great attention to details.
One thing I do want to point out- it is not a mistake to add a comma after words like However, Moreover, Afterall, To add to that, Furthermore, Secondly. The comma is in fact required.
Rest I believe you’re approaching it well. Do try and practice this on more essays!
Ok sir .Thank you so much sir.
1. Grammatical mistakes
————————
1.a Para 2 line 1 – ‘Has’ missing ( has halted )
1.b Para 2 line 2 – “poorER” (even the sentence can be reformed)
1.c Para 2 Line 4 – World “B”ank B capital
1.d Para 2 line 6 – “Have” suffered
1.e.Para 5 last line – Gonna be – Going to be (gonna be is slight informal)
1.f Para 9 – 75’th’ year
1.g Para 12 – very big -> Huge (in para 20 very fast -> Rapid ) have more adjectives.
1.h para 13 – implimenting -> implementing
1.i para 15 – Prime Mininster’s’ (should be singular)
1.j para 17 – ‘sector’ & not setor
1.k para 21 last line – It should be – thus breaking the pattern of excessive consumerism
2. Analogy & metaphors
————————
2.a mammoth problem
2.b eye of humanity
2.c deep rooted
3. Long sentence to shorter sentence
————————————-
I observed that 1 sentence contained 3 sentences in itself.
3.a Para 1 Line 3 : Replace sentence to – The recent Corona virus Disease has placed the world in a state of crisis and exposed systemic
inequalities.
3.b Entire Para 6 & 7 is one sentence. We should break it into sentences.
3.c Para 11 -instead of one long sentence it should be – Lockdowns gave people a break from their busy life. It helped people to
revisit their family & social relationships. They could discover hidden talents & inculcate new skills.
3.d Para 19 – its should be – Covid 19 has brought back emphasis on personal hygiene & cleaner surrounding.Littering & Spiting in public
should be avoided at all cost. This has taken Swachh Bharat Abhiyan to new levels.
(What happened is you got multiple ideas at the same time & maybe due to pressure & time constraints you missed a cohesive sentence. its best to jot down points that you get in the middle of writing on the SIDELINE of your question paper )
4. Deviation from topic
————————-
4.a Para 10 & Para 3 both talk about ‘loss of life’ leading to repetition of points.
4.b healthcare gets repeated at multiple paragraphs
4.c At the End of para 17 you use the sentence ‘Secondly fragile public …’ BUT in the preceding paragraph there is no “Firstly ..”
making it abrupt.
5. Main points of the essay
—————————–
how & what Covid is – sets the context & tone – narrates the ill effects – loss of life , change in work patterns , isolations – contrasts with serendipity of more time with family , skill & hobbies – International implications wrt WHO , China , US , India – Atmanirbhar bharat – multipolarity – FDI & global Supply chain ,Oil markets – Migrant issue – healthcare & education affected – digital divide & inequality contrasted – inclusive growth – Window of opportunity.
Could have added these dimensions – Vaccine hesitancy & Role of VACCINES -Role political class & BUREAUCRACY in tackling pandemic. Effect on FEDERALISM & Polity. What approach we should follow to avoid them in future to avoid Pandemics . What reforms does WHO need. Effect on Children & link to BEHAVIOURAL PSYCHOLOGY. PAST incidences of PANDEMIC like Black plague & Spanish flu & how is Covid 19 different or similar . Mutation & biotechnological aspects. Economical aspects use ‘ LED principle’ could have given some revenue loss & job loss figures ex- 10 million jobs lost in 2nd wave. Issue of ex-gratia etc.
Rating
Effective and exact expression – 5
Staying closely to the topic – 7
Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion – 6.5
Writing concisely – 4
Overall – 5.6
Great evaluation, Harsh!
It is quite clear that you’ve given the essay a very careful read. I’m sure it’s going to work very well for you!
I see that you didn’t mention the parts that you did like. It’s important to point out the things you want to appreciate, as it will reaffirm for you what you want to do with your own essay.
Overall, it’s a great start. I hope you practice with other essays as well.
Keep up the hard work!
The WHO failed in conducting its primary role – Public health responses.
Government across the globe trying to fix the crisis faced by masses.
All this reflects the state of lack of public health infrastructure and CARE Economics and Economy required for present times.
METAPHOR in support // “Using a crisis as opportunity ” as ” Inspiration to Aspiration to and for the world” as Atmanirbhar Bharat
Not in Support // “Growth does not lead to equal distribution of development” – India noticed underlying structural problems within the demography as in terms of ” Migrants made to return to natives because of the misinformation provided by not so good leaders”
Few suggestions :
+Pandemic has changed the world forever, it means change is only constant in this world, which is striving for self-sustainability.
+A vulnerable disease can expose the fundamental problems faced by the households of a global village.
+In the globalized world, trading for supply chains skewed and misinformed at an unprecedented scale, so to find the essentials of
sustainable development, i.e., CARE Economy and Economics.
+Another thing to be in note* Collaboration at pace helps in the sustainable development of scientific research full of efficacy and nations must
unite for the betterment of the villagers.
{Structure was fine but can be much better by highlighting key structural flaws found in current affairs like Vaccine Nationalization, Lack of Transparency, Intergovernmental weaknesses, Isolating Politics from Health and Well Being, Sustainable CARE Economy building capital stocks}
“Pandemic is like an opportunity of surge in economics, meant to fix the recent flaws found in key areas of sustainable growth and development, so to sketch a new world full of health CARE and Well being, up above the notions of power and dominance, means a better society full of sustainability”
Overall score = 8
Balance of judgement regarding likes and dislikes about the given essay are as above with some suggestions as well.
Great work done with this evaluation.
It’s good to see that you were able to point out the particular points that you think went wrong.
I would suggest coming up with such details of the things you liked as well. It’ll help you solidify your own ideas of a good essay.
Keep practicing!
1) There were very few grammatical mistakes. Although I found some punctuation missing like putting commas after words like however, furthermore, secondly, etc. Also, there were few spelling mistakes in words like hygiene, implementing, incompetence, etc. At certain places, better prepositions can be used. e.g.-‘ world on the crisis’ instead of ‘world in crisis’, ‘pushing many to depression’ instead of ‘pushing many into depression’, ‘density at cities’ instead of ‘density of cities’.
2) Analogies- irony of UN 75 year celebration and WHO crisis ,mammoth problems
3) All the points and the intent was clear, but examples of it could be better and some examples were brilliant.
4) while stating power of pharma sector , has to raise dependence on other countries (USA, China) for raw materials (like API)
5) used schemes, more focus on positive , cover all dimensions are good.
6) effective and exact expression:6
staying close to the topic :6.5
arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion:6.5
writing concisely:6
total :6.25
7) Most liked parts
simple and effective introdcution.usage of crisis as an opportunity, connecting to swatch bharat abhiyan, vocabulary like-mammoth problems,floodgates
A really good evaluation.
Your points are concise, and make sense. I’m so glad that you picked out the parts that you did like- it’s important with any evaluation and will help you remember things better when it comes to writing your own essay. Good work.
Keep practicing!
1. Fear of getting infected even lead to suicides at some places ( better to use- reported few suicides instead of some)
2. oil (crude oil)
3. there should be counter agreement to digital education as -lack of face to face interaction b/w teacher and student lead to low productivity while teachers are paid low during the crises and high fees burden on parents despite educational institutions are not running physically
4. while stating power of pharma sector , has to raise dependence on other countries (USA, China) for raw materials (like API)
5. used schemes, more focus on positive , cover all dimensions are good.
6. But, can add facts about covid 19 and what can learn from previous pandemics. And can use effective words like ‘Vaccine Nationalism’
>Effective and exact expression-8
>Staying closely to the topic-8
>Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion-7
>Writing concisely-8
Total=7.7
Good evaluation!
I particularly like your third point. It’s important to handle both sides of an argument, when there’s the scope.
I hope this helps you better your own understanding of essay writing.
Keep practicing!
Pandemic has changed the world forever
1.Grammar mistakes,spelling mistakes are found here and there.
*In the introduction paragraph , a disease that spreads should be replaced with that is spread
*In 2nd para create huge job losses can be replaced ,also instead of white collar jobs it should be white collared employees
*3rd page 1st paragraph has to be altered *3rd page-ampilified the voices “of” ->”for” reforms
*3rd page ,2nd para-instead of world bodies,usage of international bodies would be better
*5th page-India too was not spared somehow does not seem to fit there.
*Big population to doctor ratio should be replaced with an inadequate & skewed doctor to population ratio
*spelling mistakes-implimenting,hygene etc are there
*6th page -of a lot of sectors to be replaced with of many sectors
*6th page -In quoting PM’s words “an” was missing
*7th page-in the swift actions sentence “which” is not required and also the sentence needs to be divided
*7th page ,in 2nd para both is not required
*8th page shifting the working and learning to digital mode should be changed
*8thpage covid pandemic made public to focus on personal hygiene and to keep surroundings litter and spit free
2.Analogies- irony of UN 75 year celebration and WHO crisis ,mammoth problems
3.There are few sentences which needed a break down and some other needed simplification
*News of immense loss of lives and also losing family can be changed *Globalised world phrase can be replaced with -across the globe and the sentence can be altered as -supply chains got skewed challenging the supply of even essential commodities. It exposed the vulnerabilities of resource dependant nations .they especially include oil producing nations.
*in 5th page 1st paragraph should be properly arranged. India was also one among them instead of india was not spared .Giving backdrop and jumping to slow down,automobiles does not fit right.
*5th page last para ,last 2lines can be simplified
*Atma nirbhar Bharath-a self reliant india to fulfil aspirations of world too needs to be changed
*In sentence regarding migrants-it can be changed to -as a result they were forced to move to their native places due to imposition of lock downs and it also exposed their vulnerable position
4.Most of the points are relevant to the topic.how economy changed,impact on migrants,global cooperation, psychological challenges, impact on society,need of policy changes. However positive and negative changes got mixed in same paragraph.there are certain deviations -jump from atma nirbar bharat to china issue,Quad.Further focus on specific changes like reduced ghg levels in shangai ,delhi,improvemnts of water bodies could be mentioned in positive changes.A mention about how world should tackle zoonotic diseases and in economy how every nation is turning inwards,de globalisation,impact on tourism, aviation, local industry could be mentioned .
5.structure
introduction about pandemic
economical ->social ->psychological aspects->international mentions->Indian scenario->tackling of crisis->future suggestions
main points -impact on world economy ,jobs, migrant crisis, failure of global bodies,government handling of crisis through lockdowns, Atma nirbar Bharath ,impact at individual level ,how India can use this crisis as opportunity
6.effective and exact expression:6
staying close to the topic :6.5
arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion:6.5
writing concisely:6
total :6.25
7. Most liked parts
simple and effective introdcution.usage of crisis as an opportunity, connecting to swatch bharat abhiyan, vocabulary like-mammoth problems,floodgates
A great attempt, Anusha!
You’ve read the essay quite carefully. I’m sure that this detailed examination of the mistakes in language will help you improve yours as well. I’m also glad that you didn’t miss out on mentioning what parts you liked, as I believe it reaffirms the ideas in one’s head.
There’s not much for me to suggest in terms of improving your evaluation methods, but I do see scope for a finer evaluation which can be easily brought about by practice.
Keep up the hard work!
I found the essay very sweeping, touching almost all the aspects of a pandemic. The author has used simple yet effective words to convey his knowledge about the topic. Following are my evaluations for each of the dimension mentioned in the assignment:
1. There were very few grammatical mistakes. Although I found some punctuation missing like putting commas after words like however, furthermore, secondly, etc. Also, there were few spelling mistakes in words like hygiene, implementing, incompetence, etc. At certain places, better prepositions can be used. e.g.-‘ world on the crisis’ instead of ‘world in crisis’, ‘pushing many to depression’ instead of ‘pushing many into depression’, ‘density at cities’ instead of ‘density of cities’.
2. Some of the metaphors used were “floodgates’, ‘turning blind eye’. There was a possibility to use more metaphors in the essay. We can use the contrast between something as small as a virus bringing standstill to the biggest economies. How pandemic has ‘unmasked’ the shortcomings in our infrastructure. How when the humans were struggling to breathe, nature took a sigh of relief. The promptness and global cooperation to manufacture a vaccine were like the testament of the multiplicity of our capabilities when working in groups.
4. I didn’t find any deviation from the topic.
5. The essay could be deconstructed as:
meaning of pandemic, the relation between pandemic and crisis, economic impact, psychological impact, pandemic as a global crisis, reforms in institutions, world co-operation, introspection, Indian aspect, digital technology, pandemic as a lesson.
6. effective and exact expression-7
staying close to the topic- 9
arrangement- 6
writing concisely-6
7. final score- 7
8. The best thing about the essay, according to me, was how it stayed to the point and touched almost every dimension of the topic. The words used were simple and easy to understand without making the statement superficial. The handwriting was clean and easy to comprehend.
The essay could be improved in terms of the arrangement of arguments in such a manner that the reader can get the idea of where the essay is leading towards. There is a lack of flow from one paragraph to another. The arguments, although very effective, seem to exist in silos rather than being in continuity. There is an immense possibility to use metaphors to evoke emotions into the reader’s mind which remains untapped in the essay.
Overall it was a great attempt and I learned a lot from it.
Great work done evaluating this essay!
It’s good to see that you were able to identify which parts you liked the most. I believe it will help you bring that goodness even in your own essays.
Just one thing I wish to correct- the correct usage of ‘standstill’ here would be “something as small as the virus brought the biggest economies to a standstill”. Basically, things “come to a standstill”.
Keep working hard!
PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER
The essay was great and impressive. some of Points i observed in the essay are:
1. Essay was crisp and clear except minor grammatical errors.
2. Essay was accordance with the structure, consisting of T1 and T2, and corelation.
3. All the points and the intent was clear, but examples of it could be better and some examples were brilliant.
4.Positive approach to the essay.
5.Essay was according to the topic.
6. Conclusion makes all of us think for a while.
7.Score board =8
8.I really loved the essay as it in a positive way explaining all the situations in a wonderful way, and a good structure.
Good evaluation!
Your evaluation is quite concise, which can be a good thing- as long as you have an elaborate clarity of the technique in your head!
Keep practicing with other essays as well.
The essay has been written quite well and exhaustively. As per my evaluation report few gaps in grammar, language, syntax are as follows:-
page 1- The recent covid-19 pandemic has put the world in a state of crisis. it has brought new challenges and exposed inequalities in the society- longer sentences can be broken into two for ease of reading.
almost and not all most , all countries barring few had negative growth.
use of casual informal language like “Gonna” should be replaced by going to.
page 2-
The leaders realized the need of prioritizing improvement in Public Health infrastructure for robust economic health of the country.- excessive use of ‘for’ in a sentence can be replaced by restructuring.
know neighbors each other well -missing link?
Page 3- grammatical errors and spelling mistakes like developed, Public hygiene, huge population and density in cities- can be minimised by revising the essay.
Page 4- A very good analogy was -Russia and USA recognized India as a strong pole in a multipolar world. It could have been elucidated further as to how?.. By vaccine maitri program. India is trying to help others even in a crisis and not turning it’s back even though it itself has shortage of vaccines. I think The implication of a government scheme or opportunity can highlight the point the writer has made more effectively.
The word ‘secondly’ has noticeably been repeated often throughout the essay. Revision after completion would definitely refine and provide an opportunity to add missing words or delete some to polish it well.
Some issues like high population, density, population to doctor ratio could have been clubbed together along with structural problems like Vulnerable migrant workers to have a wide sense of all issues and their interdependencies. In my experience, examples where covid prevelance was high and most challenging like cases in Mumbai , Delhi would make the essay more relatable to the reader. Going a step further if some suggestions by experts or success stories on tackling covid were also given, it would reflect the writers ability to drill down and add a special zing to the essay. WHO guidelines may also give some clarity on each stage of how to and where to plug the gaps:-
1. Prepare and be ready
2. Detect, protect and treat
3. Reduce transmission
4. Innovate and learn
Page 5- The ending called out for global unity positively.
What I like about the essay is that it delineates challenges clearly at the outset so that the impact shows the gravity of the issue at hand. i.e the relationship between T1 and T2.
Another beautiful instance by the writer points to digital India program showing us the flexible readiness of shifting the working and learning to digital mode. it goes on to compare the flaws simultaneously of a new rural -urban divide where technology, electricity, connectivity makes all the difference. This really added substantial weight to the argument that how people use technology is secondary to whether they have access to their disposal. It makes all the difference between lagging behind and survival opportunities to earn bread and butter.
I noticed there was one gap in the end which says “we can manage with minimum quantities thus a break needed from excessive consumerism” This may be true to a extent on a individual level, However improving public infrastructure and fighting the virus requires more capital goods like machines, ventilators, oxygen cylinders, PPE kits, masks, disposables which has led to a significant increase in consumerism for sure. This is a need rather than a afterthought. the plastic waste disposal after/ during the pandemic will pose another challenge to the environment.
A country is “Of the People, By the People, For the People”- If we expect to come out of this crisis shining we must help each other by following health expert recommended protocols of masks, social distancing etc, responsibly getting vaccinated so that the virus doesn’t mutate further and any other steps that may really inspire and leave the reader with food for thought. On a scale of 0-10 , I would rate the essay as an 8.
Structure of essay observed:-
– Definition- T1, T2
– Economic dimension
– Role of WHO- failure ,Effect, reforms UNO
– Cooperation- Science and Technology, vaccines
– Psychological dimension
– Philosophical dimensions – issues
– Positives- how challenges were met
– Indian outlook
– Role of geopolitics in pandemic
– Structural problems and Public Healthcare Systems
– Ethical dimension -Environment
– Inclusive growth
Categorization of the headings into dimenions would have certainly made the essay easier to read and also perhaps clubbed some repeating points together like lack and fragility of public healthcare system. In all, the efforts put into the essay are commendable as they are thoughtfully presented.
Great work done with the essay!
I particularly like the way you ended your points with the things you liked. This kind of balanced perspective on writing will definitely help you evaluate your own quite well!
I don’t see much to find a fault in, except maybe your use of ‘a’ before vowels stood out to me. It just sounds a little off, nothing to do with the evaluation assignment itself 🙂
Keep up the hard work!
Pandemic has changed the world forever.
In this topic, ESSELGO techniques can be easily applied, breaking down the essay into T1 and T2.
1-There are some mistakes of grammar and spellings.
2- Analogy– UN meeting held Virtually
3- Sentence used are quite long, which makes it slightly complex to grasp in one go, what the sentence wants to convey.
Another Important things to be noticed is the pace at which the global power joins hands INSTEAD Vaccine Diplomacy and development came through global cooperation.
4- Deviation: In this topic, there was not any need of talking about the geopolitical angle, and the QUAD summit, because it neither seems to occur due to Pandemic nor it has effected the life directly.
SUGGESTION- In order to keep the dimensions clear, it would be better to clarify those points , how the geopolitics and QUAD summit has affected the life.
* STRUCTURE: Based on STEPPE method
Definition of T1 and T2: Pandemic
Sectors Affected
WHO roles and Failures
Revisit Policies Post Pandemic
Priority to Public Health and Infrastructure
Global Corporation
Vaccine Development
Lock-down and its implication on human life
Impact on Day to Day business
Vaccine Development
Digital India and Digital Divide
Concluding Remarks
Score board
i. Effective Expression= 7
ii. Staying close to topic= 8
iii. Ordered arrangement of ideas=7
iv. Writing concisely= 6
Total= 7
Positives: Structure and flow, effective expression, good use of vocabulary
Opportunities: Long sentences can be minimized, better coverage close to the topic can help, unnecessary relations van be avoided, a bit of data related to effect of pandemic on people can help.
Great use of the techniques taught!
It’s good to see that you’ve been able to correlate the lessons learnt and the product of those lessons. When you apply the same to your own writing as well, it’s going to work amazingly for you!
Keep practicing with other essays.
The structure of the essay is great. And the flow is smooth with appropriate use of simple connecting words. However, while using secondly, thirdly, it’s better to use FIRSTLY also.
Introduction is to the point saying what a pandemic is, what is it’s relationship with forever change and the importance of the relationship.
Then about the bad things in economy, psychology, again different sectors of economy, globalised economy, WHO.
Then good things in political sphere, in UN, research in basic science, reality and push for health care systems, good and bad impact on human psyche.
Then, challenges to India, interventions and least mortality rate, digital opportunities in IT sector and education sector, Atmanirbhar bharat, change in world order, and positive impact on military and economic and strategic partnership of India with world, contrasting developments and inequality, a little deviation by repetition of digital opportunities of IT, education, and bringing in rural urban digital divide. Changes in diet and hygiene and medical system, a little deviation in bringing S&T with climate change.
Then should things, on sustainable development, leaving nature undisturbed, inclusive growth.
Beautiful, crisp conclusion, but deviated because of specific mentioning of Atmanirbhar.
Bringing in the themes of Vasudaiva Kudumbakam, nature healing itself, and how pandemic furthered Swacch Bharat Abhiyan is impresive, giving a rich postive aspect to the essay.
Analogies and metaphors like grassroot public health care system, stopped running, opened the eyes are used.
Better use of metaphors and evocative words would add to the impacts the essay have on reader.
Like,
The pandemic brought the economy to its knees, engulfing many, especially unorganised sector workers into poverty because of loss of jobs.
On the one hand witnessing loss of lives of huge number of people, across the world, the depressing situations of inadequate hospitals infrastructure, painful sufferings of migrant workers, on the other hand, the selfless service delivered by frontline workers, volunteers jumping to help, various government measures push people to emotional roller coaster.
…The pace at which world leaders and scientists collaborated cooperatively to develop the vaccine is heartening and inspiring. The push this gave for research in basic science will only improve in coming years benefitting many aspects of life of all.
Lockdown brought a compulsory halt to the mindless routine race of human lives, letting them to cherish the trivial beauty of nature around, appreciate and share friendship and love with family and neighbours, providing a much needed space for introspection of our lives.
( I find it difficult to use short sentences sir. Looks incomplete to me.)
Some grammar and syntax corrections that might make the essay better.
Like,
1. A disease that AFFECTS a large number of people SPREAD across the world is pandemic
2. ALMOST all countries had negative growth except a very few
3. In the globalised world, COVID19 skewed and disrupted the global supply chain making it a big challenge for governments to even manage the AVAILABILITY AND ACCESSIBILITY of some very essential commodities (using active voice avoids confusion)
4. …disaster management preparedness, THE REQUIRED global co-operations during such a severe crisis and a lot of other related things
5. Leaders realised the need to give HIGHER priority to public health so as to achieve economic health. AND also the dire NECESSITY of global reliable co-operations to tackle further such pandemics
6. COVID 19 pandemic PUSHED people TO focus on BOTH PERSONAL and PUBLIC HYGIENE
7. Also increased the AWARENESS of people about their LIFESTYLE with enhanced CONSCIOUSNESS of the diet they take
8. REVIVING traditional medicinal system of AYUSH which takes as much PREVENTIVE MEASURES as CURATIVE MEASURES
There is scope to better organise the essay.
For example,
The para on the failure of WHO could be continued by the amplification of voices of reforms para and then continued with the steps taking by National governments.
(Sir, but I have a doubt here. If it’s so organised, won’t bad things, good things and should things of a particular aspect will merge ? Will that be good too?)
Effective and exact expression -7
Staying close to the topic – 8
Arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion – 7
Writing concisely – 8
Score : 7.5
This is a really great evaluation!
I’m happy to see the way you’ve focused on the multiple aspects of an essay-one by one- and laid emphasis with examples on each.
I understand that at times short sentences might sound incomplete, but when necessary, one must cut short the really long ones- instead of sounding complete, they end up sounding complicating which only scores down the point they were trying to make.
As for your doubt, when it comes to such a mix of the good and the bad, it’s best to find out which part is overall good with minor ‘bad’ things to make it better, and vice-versa.
Keep practicing with other essays, it’ll help in clarifying things for you!
Dear Sir, here’s how i find the essay as a judge:
1)As far as the trio of grammar ,syntax and language is concerned: all were fine and sentences were in active voice .Only few erring instances are found which can be easily corrected , eg: usage of “gonna be” etc seems informal .
2)There was usage of facts and statistics: which substantiated the sentence nicely (150 million people became poor, issue of blue collar jobs etc). along with mention of its source.
3)Metaphors and Analogies finds usage but in very few instances . Eg: pandemic opened the eyes of humanity ,wings of growth and development for our country and so on.
4)Some sentences which can be shortened: a)”another important thing that can be noticed……” : Pandemic forced global powers to join hands at a surprisingly fast pace, hitherto un-noticed. b)”secondly, it amplified the voices …..” : Pandemic challenged the present world order and asserted the need for greater distribution of powers among new-emerging-nations for more inclusive approach to challenges ahead .
c)”Moreover ,this pandemic compelled countries to impose lockdowns …….” : There was significant deterioration and mental and psychological health of public due to: restricted-stay , pain of losing loved ones, fear of getting infected and much more .
d)”Worldwide govt struggles……”: Both developed and developing countries struggled in proving basic-healthcare-amenities .
e)”However, humanity paused for a while….” : this sentence was repetition of earlier similar sentence “lockdowns made people stop for a while….”–> so could be avoided .
5)STRUCTURE OF ESSAY:
INTRODUCTION—-> POINTS IN FAVOUR OF “PANDEMIC INDUCED IRREVERSIBLE CHANGE”—> “INDIAN THINGS”—>”SHOULD THINGS”.
IT IS LACKING CONCLUSION WHICH GOT SUBMERGED WITH “SHOULD THINGS” . SO , CONCLUSION should be added following SCoReF technique.
MOREOVER, AREAS WHERE PANDEMIC HAD ZERO OR NEGLIGIBLE IMPACT SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN (eg: virtual gaming , isolated science based missions etc ) as small part of structure .
6)Some arguments have been found “out of context of topic and could be avoided”: a) “the conduct of WHO…..” b)”Fortunately inspite of these mammoth problems…… ” c) “However, fast changing geopolitical scenario…..”.
7) The arguments should be “LOGICALLY ARRANGED” into STEPPE ,PESTELE etc dimentions , and carefully narrated .
8) MARKING–> (8 + 7 + 6 + 7 )/ 4 = 28/4 = 7 (FINAL SCORE) . SUGGESTIONS ARE ENCLOSED ALONG WITH POINTS.
It was an wonderful essay with diverse-points across varied domains substantiating the need of essay . Few tweaks and additions can act as game changer .
THANK YOU
Great evaluation!
It looks like you’ve covered every aspect of the essay. Very well done.
I think you can perhaps retry the structure breakdown once. Please read the blog again for reference, it’ll help you!
Keep practicing!
Pandemic has changed the world forever.
The whole essay was written in orderly manner starting from the introduction to explaining the concept of Thing 1 & 2.
The plot was clear of the essay was well written by the writer by following the ESSELGO technique. Though i have few evaluation from my end which goes like this
firstly I would like to draw attention to the grammatical and spelling errors, there are few points where we can see the use of wrong tenses and some parts lack proper use of articles or no use of it at all.
Intent of the points were clear but the examples used was not adhered to the plot of the essay.
I would like to appreciate the analogies made and the positive points given on the essay which describes the positive approach on the essay and also shows the way forward how we as a country stand against all odds and helping selves and also too the people of the other country and lastly the use of ‘Vasudhaiva Kuttumbakam’ was exactly related and co related with the essay.
Good work!
Good to see that you have come up with things that you did and didn’t like. Hope you’ll keep them in mind the next time you write an essay yourself!
Keep working hard.
The given specimen essay- “The covid19 pandemic has changed the world forever” – is a well-written essay., which has highlighted the changes the pandemic has brought about the world over.
The pandemic discussed here is clear and it has discussed various aspects at length following the ESSELGO technique taught by our mentor.
Not many grammar mistakes are found except for some mistakes such as “immensely (last line of 2nd paragraph), led (last line of 3rd paragraph), almost (4th paragraph)” etc.
The syntax and the language used seem to be fine. The language especially is very simple, making all the points very clear. The author has avoided the usage of metaphors or analogies, probably to avoid confusion. But, a comparison could be drawn between the current pandemic and the earlier ones, such as the Spanish flu, plague, etc., which had devastated the world. We should have learned from these disasters and prepared for the future.
Some sentences seem to be long and confusing.
Example:- The 1st sentence in the 11th paragraph, starting with “Moreover lockdown’s———new skills” could be split into 2 to avoid confusions. i.e., “Moreover lockdowns made people stop running for a while in their busy life. It allowed them to revisit themselves, rebuild good family relationships, know their neighbors well, discover their inner potentials, and learn some new skills.”
Another sentence that can be rephrased as “with it’s proximity to the believed regimes———–automobile sectors in 2019” in the 12th paragraph. This can be rephrased as,
“India’s proximity to the believed origins of the virus, Wuhan in China, it’s a huge population, lack of public hygiene, dwindling primary healthcare systems, a very big population to doctor ratio, a slowly picking up economy, etc., has caused more damage to the nation, due to the pandemic.”
The author did not deviate from the main topic. But, there are certain repetitions such as the “Atamanirbhar Bharath” which could be avoided.
The best thing about the essay is that it has dealt extensively with the pandemic and its pros and cons. The structure of the essay is very clear with a proper introduction and explanation. The author has dealt with the economic, psychological, and political aspects of the issue.
Economic:- the covid19 pandemic has affected the world economically, especially the blue-collared workers. At the same time, it has given a boost to the IT industry and distance education.
Psychological:- Many people have been affected psychologically by the pandemic. They have been depressed due to the isolation, lack of job opportunities, and dwindling wealth. This has even led to suicides.
Political:- It has created a new world order which has brought down the importance of the USA as a superpower. India gained a strong position in a multipolar world due to its management of the crises.
It has exposed the weakness of WHO for not being able to deal with the crises effectively.
On a scale of 0-10 where 0 is horrible and 10 is superb, the essay can be evaluated for various points like this:-
-> effective and exact expression => 8
-> staying close to the topic => 10
-> arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion => 8
-> writing concisely => 6
Thus, the overall rating of the essay on a scale of 0-10 is 8.
So, is my view.
Good work done with the evaluation!
I’m glad to see that you’ve made clear distinctions between the things you thought were good and bad. Just one thing I want to put forth- if you wish to suggest the deletion of a particular point, please do mention why.
Good point about learning from the past.
Keep practicing!
JUDGE, JURY and EXECUTIONER.
PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER.
* 1st page 2nd pharagraph ‘ 150 million people will become poor’ is change to ‘150 million people became poor’ in past tense.
* 1st line last pharagraph word ‘loss of family members’ cama is inserted after this word.
* 2nd Page 2nd pharagraph 2nd line word ‘disruptions’ change ‘disrupted’.
* 2nd page line starting from ‘Crude oil’ is better than started ‘Oil’. Because, In this place which type oil is discussed.
* 3rd page 7th line ‘hygene’ is wrong spelling. Correct spelling is ‘hygiene’.
* 1st page 2nd pharagraph word ‘analyse’ is better than ‘rethink’.
* In 2nd pharagraph ‘pushed million people into poverty’ is better than ‘pushed million into poverty’.
* 1st page 2nd pharagraph is better for reading ‘according to world bank report “more than 150 million people bacame poor”.’
* 2nd page, last pharagraph word ‘such’ is not necessary to in this place.
* 3rd page 1st pharagraph line ‘good economic health of country’. Word ‘wealth’ is suitable for ‘health’.
* 3rd page 2nd pharagraph from 3rd line to last line is deviation from subject.
* STRUCTURE:
STEPPE method is used to Structure of the essay.
* RATING:
1. Effective and exact expression=8
2. Staying closely to the topic=9
3. Arrangements of ideas in an orderly fashion=8
4. Writing concisely=9
* RATE = 8.5
* Essay has written very good manner. What is actually going on is very clearly mentioned. But, some improvement in the essay makes more marks. Like subtitles, examples. It’s gives understanding of reader.
Good work done with the evaluation!
It’s great that you have read the essay thoroughly to be able to come up with such particular points. I would suggest reading it with a different perspective this time. Try and come up with problems (or actual good things) that were present in a more generalized sense in the essay- as opposed to particular sentences.
Keep up the hard work!
Writer has made a couple of grammatical mistakes, i will mention few of them . In the first line using ‘is’ after a disease that is inappropriate . In the second page, second paragraph, writer should write ‘before countries’ rather than ‘to countries’. In the third page, first paragraph, second line can be replaced by “ leaders realised the need to prioritise public health for a healthy economy.” Collectively, i will say writer has used wrong prepositions in few places and tried to make sentences concise in some areas where it is not meant to. In page4,first paragraph , one can get its meaning by guessing what writer wants to say but the language used by him is vague. It must be written as “ Even the developed countries were unable to face the wrath of corona virus where as developing countries were struggling to provide the basic health care which costed us many lives. All this reflected the lack of required public health care system. In the same page, next paragraph can be written as “ Moreover, lockdowns imparted some behavioral change in people i.e from self care to family care to society care. In 5th page, first paragraph, there was no need to mention about the slow growth of automobile sector . It is misfitted there. In the next paragraph, fortuantely must be omited from the first sentence. In the next paragraph secondly must be omited because in the previous paragraph, it tells about how state come forward and tackled the problems where as the joining paragraph told about the changing in the nature of sector. In page 7, last paragraph , writer used words which are not fitting there properly. There are some gramatical mistakes in the first paragraph of page no. 9 like the last line can be written as posing an existentila threat not only to other species but also to humans. I didn’t find much deviation from the topic but it was more about the economic effect and didn’t cover other areas in a wider scope. But writer has tried to touch almost all dimensions. Essay started with the decent introduction but it straightly jumped towards economic factor which must be avoided . After that he covered the other effects and how it impacted us. Also mentioned about the government policies which helps us to tackle the problems and concluded well with our inherited phrase “vasudev Kutumbhkam”
-Effective and exact expression – 7
-Staying close to the topic – 7
-Arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion – 7
-Writing concisely – 7
-Overall score -7
– I liked the first paragraph of the page8 which mentioned about the “how digital india was an edge to us and also added the issue of digital divide which causes inequality.”
– I didn’t like the aspect of patriotism to condemn china but it must be added as it changed the nature of geopolity and the essay was about the change after pandamic.
A really good evaluation!
You have understood the concept explained above, and I’m sure this will serve you well with your own essay writing process!
It’s good to see that you have marked out the points you didn’t personally find suitable- but do study them over if you think you might just be missing out on why they were or were not okay in the given essay.
Keep working hard!
JUDGE, JURY and EXECUTIONER.
PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER.
This pandemic ceased the functioning of economy is a better way to say the same
There were no much deviations but the way points were put appears so. It is very Effective for whole world and slow the speed of Economy
For example, the paragraph explaining science and technology,
human greed, global warming is a generalist statement and not shown how it is related to pandemic and its effect on the world. Another deviation is where automobile sector is brought in abruptly without any proper transition. It could have first explain about the status of health care in a contemporary manner and then transit into a different sector score board
i Effective and exact expression= 8
ii. Staying closely to the topic= 10
iii Arrangement of ideas in an orderly way =8
iv. Writing concisely= 6
total= 8
what i liked is structure, flow and sentence formation from various aspects with no diversion from the topic with proper expression
Pandemic Has changed the world forever
1 -MISTAKES – question instead questions Page 2 Para 3 and Hygiene- Hygene at Page 3 Para 1
2 ANALOGIES – UN meeting held Virtually
3 -5 SENTENCES- I found only one long sentences
Another Important things to be noticed is the pace at which the global power joins hands INSTEAD Vaccine Diplomacy and development came through global cooperation.
4- DEVIATION FROM THE TOPIC – After going through the essay ,I found all okay but the only deviation from the topic is about mentioning about the Geopolitics and QUAD summit as the it neither seems to occur due to Pandemic nor it has effected the life directly.
SUGGESTION- In order to stick to the topic I suggest to clarify those points , how the geopolitics and QUAD summit has effected the life.
5- STRUCTURE OF ESSAY
Definition of Pandemic
Sector Effected
WHO roles and Failures
Revisit Policies Post Pandemic
Priority to Public Health and Infrastructure
Global Corporation in Vaccine Development
Lock-down and its implication on human life
Impact on Day to Day business
Digital India and Digital Divide
Concluding Remarks
6. (RATING
(i) Effective and exact expression: 6
(ii)Staying closely to the topic: 8
(iii)Arrangement of the ideas in orderly fashion: 8
(iv)Writing concisely: 6
7. Score 7
8 . The Aspect which I liked the most that every topic was touched and explained in very good manner
The aspect I did not like was the inclusion of geopolitical issue which had no relevance with the topic
Great work done with the evaluation!
It’s really good that you have identified what went wrong or right according to you in the essay. Such an approach will help you choose points for your own essay quite wisely.
I do suggest identifying such particulars in the areas that you liked- it’ll establish the essence of what works well in an essay for you!
Keep practicing!
JUDGE, JURY and EXECUTIONER.
PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER
The essay was very impressive but more impressive the essay writing that what I found that was awesome.
Talking about the mistake , I hardly found some mistake are as follow :-
1) On page no.1 –
a) first paragraph – 2nd last line
In place of “rethink” we can use another word – “analyze” , “interpret” or “give attention on”.
b) second paragraph – 2nd line
In order to expand the sentence we can write this – “job crisis” , “loss of jobs” or “lack of job arises” in place of “joblosses”.
c) second paragraph – 3rd line
The sentence “More than 150 million people will become poor says a World bank report” . The word “will not use it should be in past simple tense i.e. , According to World Bank Report , “More than 150 million people became poor “.
d) second paragraph – last 2nd line
The word “blue collar workers ” are seems to be present the sense of disparity because whether white collar jobs or blue collar jobs both should be treated as equally as both are type of jobs only , both serve to the nation as both have their importance in their scope .
That’s why we should mention “blue collar jobs” instead of “blue collar workers”.
e) last paragraph – last 2nd line
“The fear of getting infected even lead to suicide at some places”. This line is confusing but what I endeavor in understanding , this , that it mean , the fear of being infected is equal to suicide. And other thing is that the word confusing me that is it “some” or “same”.
2) On page no.2 –
f) first paragraph – 1st line
The word “affected” is used many times , the other word we can use is “make (huge) impact on”.
g) second paragraph – 2nd line
Mention “disrupt” instead of “disruption”.
h) second paragraph – on last 2nd & last line
“Oil based economics realized their vulnerable position in a future which is gonna be free from oil”
Before starting new sentence from “Oil” , it should be consider that oil is also a type of commodity which is not mentioned in the sentence , the starting appropriating sentence should be “Crude oil , one of commodities in which economy is also based (or which is also one of the base of economy) realized their downward position , in future which may be , prove the stagflation for this commodity.
i) third paragraph – 1st line
Mention simple present form “fail” instead of “failures”.
j) third paragraph – 3rd line
The sentence “probe to the origins” replace by “probe related to the origins”.
3) On 3rd page no.
k) first paragraph – 2nd line
We can use the word “endeavor” in the place of “tried”.
l) first paragraph – 4th line
We can use the word “improve the” instead of “improved”.
m) first paragraph – 6th line
The sentence “for a good economic health” corrected as “for a sound economy” to present in adequate and concise manner.
Other thing is that, there is missing of exclamatory sign i.e. , (from 5th line) ” to be given for public health for a good economic health of country” , it should be – “to be given for public health , for a sound economy of country”.
n) first paragraph – 7th line
The word “dire” means very bad or serious ; terrible , so in place of this we can use the word “directions / guidance” which make clear sense.
o) second paragraph – 2nd line
The word “reforms” is wrong it should be “reformers”.
p) last paragraph – 2nd line
It should be “in the” instead of “into the”.
4) On the page no. 4
q) first paragraph – 5th line
The word “reflected” should be replaced by “reflect” as simple present form.
5) On page no. 5
r) last paragraph – 2nd line
“Benefitted the citizen” should be replaced by “benefit to the citizens”.
6)On page no. 6
s) second paragraph – 3rd line
“stew” is wrong , it should be “steps”.
7) On page no. 8
t) first paragraph – 2nd line
The correct spelling of “lesiened” is “lesioned”.
Rate: 7 + 9 + 8 + 10 = 34/4 = 8.5
Writing was bit confusing , but the vocabulary are superb & amazing , word is used in such a beautiful manner , which make the sentence beautiful & I think there is no need of idioms or proverb , the word itself seems to be attractive , dashingly , stylishly , gaily etc.
A very thorough evaluation, I must say.
Looks like you read the essay carefully- if it’s a habit, I’m sure it’ll do you good. A careful reading always produces good writing in return.
You’ve covered mostly everything, but perhaps you can also pay more attention to the things that you liked about the essay in general.
Keep practicing!
JUDGE, JURY and EXECUTIONER.
PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER.
As the insight of the topic is to explain how the it made irreversible changes in the world and it made it clear in the first paragraph with sticking to both the negative, in fact to think positively.
1) Now to point out the mistakes are grammatical mistakes which changed the sentence. Some are no need of using necessary in this place… dire necessary…. dire alone is enough, in fact, one more mistake is i don’t think….. fortunately inspite of…..not needed can mention it directly as fortunately states imposed strict lockdown to avoid this mammoth problem.
2)Rather using distance education using the digital platform would be nice for the metaphor flood gates.
3) Few of them are…
i. news of immense loss of lives and also losing family members affected mental health pushing many to depressions the fear of getting infected lead to suicides at some places.
As surge in cases, affected loss to closed ones putting family in to dejection over pandemic.
ii. The leaders realised for the need for the improved priorities to be given for a public health for a good economic health of the country.
After this the regime will replenish with robust care at the PHC in all the states.
4) a little bit deviation is found which is highlighted by ravi sir initially in the paragraph
5) the structure includes the pandemic impact on individual lives, economically, socially and politically and improvement humanity. psychological impact ,migration, education system and improvement in research and exploration in conserving the environment and human life.
6)score board
i Effective and exact expression= 7
ii. Staying closely to the topic= 10
iii Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion=7
iv. Writing concisely= 6
7) total= 7.5
8) what i liked is structure, flow and sentence formation from various aspects with no diversion from the topic with proper expression and i disliked is the use of more metaphors and analogies would cause an impact to the essay reader and i would have included in them with some QUOTES at point where people get dejected.
Great work done!
I think it’s a very well-rounded evaluation, covering most of the things that require focus. If you keep practicing this way with other essays as well and develop it into a habit, it’ll work really well with your own writing. Finding out what exactly went wrong or right in the given essay will improve your own sense of essay writing.
Keep working hard!
Pandemic has changed the world forever.
This is one such essay where the ESSELGO technique fits naturally. Once you see it, it is difficult to un-see it. So my evaluation is typically based on the same. Mentioned below are a few things that I noticed in the course of the evaluation:
(1)Few expressions are grammatically wrong such as, ‘..world on crisis’ should be ‘…world amidst crisis’; ‘…pushing many to depressions’ should be ‘…pushing many into depression.’ Similarly, ‘..know neighbours each other well’ should be ‘..know their neighbours’; ‘..dire necessary’ is not the correct usage, it should have been ‘dire need’ or ‘dire necessity’. Also, the words hygiene and implementing are misspelt a couple of times.
(2)Metaphors and analogies are sparingly used in the essay. For example, ‘…floodgates of digital learning’ was one such usage. Few example, gut-wrenching and irreparable pain caused due to death of loved ones. Covid devastated the economy and intensified the income inequalities. The virus which is invisible to the naked eye has shook the collective conscience of each individual on the planet. Such sentences could be used to highlight the impact of the pandemic.
(3)Few of the sentences which can be replaced with effective/shorter versions are as follows:
(i)News of immense loss of lives and also losing some family members affected mental health, pushing many into depression.
The gut-wrenching and irreparable pain caused due to death of loved ones disturbed mental health of many.
(ii) Many such new experiences for countries made them revisit their policies, trade relations and dependence, large scale disaster management preparedness, global co-operation during a deep crisis time and a lot of other related things.
It is an opportunity for the countries to redesign their policies at national and global level with more emphasis on disaster management.
(iii)Also the global reliable cooperation’s dire necessary to tackle further such pandemics. (Sentence is ambiguous)
To tackle a future pandemic, formulating a reliable framework at global level is inevitable.
(iv) Secondly, it amplified the voices of reforms in world bodies which have not been updated with the changing times.
Secondly, it gave a push to the long pending reforms of global institutions such UN.
(v) However, humanity paused for a while and pandemic gave a good opportunity to ponder about many things like self, family, nature, climate change etc.
However, it gave human race to self-introspect and to inquire their impact on nature.
(4)Paragraph 13 largely talks about origin of the virus, public health sector, doctor to population ratio etc and abruptly talks about slowdown in automobile sector. The ending of the paragraph
is not only a deviation but also unjustified.
Instead, government spending on health care, the situation of primary health care centres and universal health coverage should have been discussed.
(5) The main points discussed in the essay are, meaning of the pandemic; economic and psychological impact of the pandemic; the relevance of global institutions and importance of their cooperation; geo-political changes; the state of public health infrastructure; importance of scientific development; Migrant crisis due to lockdown in India; Digital divide; importance of Swachh Bharat Abhiyan and Atma Nirbhar Bharat; Impact of consumerism; Importance of conservation of nature and the idea of Vasudaiva Kutumbakam.
(6)Ratings:
(i) Effective and exact expression: 4
(ii)Staying closely to the topic: 9
(iii)Arrangement of the ideas in orderly fashion: 6
(iv)Writing concisely: 5
(7) Score: 6
(8) The aspects I liked the most in the essay are- inclusion of various dimensions such as reforms required at global level; migrant crisis; Atma Nirbhar Bharat; the use of consumerism at the right place. These are few extraordinary points and could be difficult to recall in the exam. The simple and clear definition of pandemic is impressive. It gives a smooth introduction to the essay.
The things that could be improved are the order in which things ideas are discussed. For example, impact at individual and institutional level- societal, national and global should be discussed. Followed by challenges in various dimensions- economic, health, scientific and the solutions there in. Furthermore, this essay is an opportunity to be creative. The way you reimagine the world post-pandemic could be an impactful conclusion. That way, your essay will linger in the mind of examiner for a while.
Absolutely great evaluation!
You’ve paid a good amount of attention on your observations- which is certainly required in any evaluation process.
A similar kind of emphasis has been laid on the aspects that you did like. It’s good to see that you’ve managed to balance your evaluation in this manner.
I hope you’ll continue to practice with other essays as well.
Keep up the hard work!