UPSC essay article judge

UPSC ESSAY-WRITING EVALUATION : Judge, Jury & Executioner

Richard Feynman said that the best way to learn something is to teach it. When it comes to UPSC essay-writing espcially, the power of this approach can not be overstated.

There is something painfully missing in pedagogy-and that’s pedagogy itself. No one teaches you about teaching itself. Or just how potent it can be as a learning tool.

If there is merit in learning from teaching, then students should be taught to become good teachers, instead of just good students.

Why is it that students are only ‘taught’ things, are spoken-down to, are recipients of and are destined to be consumers of ‘Education’ and not the teachers of it? Should it not be the other way round?

It is in the nature of this process to compel the ‘teacher’ to learn and raise the bar of his/her understanding to higher levels. Especially, If he/she is to avoid embarrassment.

This is because you can not evaluate or teach something to someone who already knows more than you. You must have something valuable to share or to point out, in order for any meaningful ‘teaching’ to have taken place.

You are therefore, forced to learn.

How to use this technique to improve UPSC Essay-writing and preparation?

It is simple: You become the UPSC examiner and think like him.

Remember the judge from the previous lesson? For now, assume that you are him.

upsc essay paper

You remember from the previous lesson what the UPSC wants from your Essay-writing is the following:

  1. Effective and exact expression

2. Staying closely to the topic

3. Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion

4.Writing concisely

Here is an essay of a brilliant student of mine, who shall remain anonymous and who recently appeared in the UPSC Mains exam.

I evaluated it and shared my feedback with him. Here is a portion of that email conversation-

"....You have written a really good and detailed essay which I was really happy to see. 

Right at the outset you define what a pandemic is and then get straight into it. The whole thing flows smoothly and you cover everything in great detail and maturity of understanding. 

It is also clear that you have used many of the techniques mentioned in the book to very good effect.

Here are some things which I thought might be useful- 

After the introduction, you get right into the economic impact of the pandemic and then weave your way across. I think you could insert a paragraph here mentioning and informing the reader about what is to come, something along the following lines-
The impact of the pandemic have been wide-spread and deep. It is safe to say that no area of human life has remain unaffected by it- be it economic, psychological, infrastructural or otherwise. You could then proceed to write about each of these dimensions and chunk the relevant portions of the same dimension together. For instance, while speaking about the psychological impact of the pandemic you mentioned how it forced people to go inwards and introspect about things which they otherwise take for granted. This is a brilliant point to add but it could benefit from better organization. 

When you mention the dimension ( economic, psychological, ethical, historical, philosophical etc) you are focusing on, it not only organizes the essay neatly for you, it also tells the reader what to expect in the next few paragraphs. So you cover the economic dimension and talk about some examples and offer some data and your conclusions. Then you move on the next one and so on. 

Now I know this is a different way to organize the essay than ESSELGO method but you are advanced enough in your writing to be able to pick and choose the best elements from both. You could use them simultaneously as well but this is totally up to you and the type of essay topic you are faced with. 

Further on, You cover the Indian perspective nicely and it fits right in the rest of your essay comfortably. Again, my advice is to announce what you are going to do in the next few paragraphs before you dive into the details  of it. In this instance, you did exactly that when you mention that the pandemic effected all countries and India was not spared. I would insert some space after this sentence to just give that particular sentence a tiny paragraph of its own and start the rest of the points after that in the next para. This tiny paragraph serves as your sub-topic, in essence without actually being one explicitly. By setting this precedent, when the examiner looks back to your essay, he will find that every essential block of your essay is followed by a small one-to-two sentence sub-topic-type paragraph.

Another thing which stands out after reading your essay is your focus on the economic dimension which you obviously understand very well and have done a good job of illuminating in detail. I'd say you could distribute your expertise and highlight more aspects of the pandemic to give your essay more width and to cover more ground, so to speak. 

That said, there is no broad area which you have left uncovered including the Environmental one which is great.

It is nice to see how you balance and counter-balance many of your points with both positive and negative outcomes, like you do with the rise of domestic violence versus the surplus time which the lockdown made available to people. This is exactly the kind of stuff you want to read on an Essay topic where the primacy is the impact of this mega-event. Impact always goes both ways. This type of thinking is desirable and you should use it in the Exam.

The conclusion is solid. The only thing I would add is perhaps something future oriented like the following-
The covid-19 pandemic is not the first and will not be the last pandemic which humanity faces. Through the hard-learned lessons which we have collectively learned, we can build a more sustainable and resilient world for our future generation etc...There is a small but significant gap in the grammar which if you were to fill out ,it would make your writing beautiful. What I mean to say is that you write with great effectiveness and deliver the message logically very well. 

The next level is to introduce poignancy in your writing. You can do this by adding short and impactful sentences which appeal to the common sense. Sentences such as- The pandemic shook the world. The world stood paralyzed as a microscopic entity humbled us all. There is no bargaining with a virus, Cooperation became imperative. The virus showed us that cooperation is not optional. Human cooperation equals survival. The pandemic has broken our collective arrogance temporarily. Will we allow another mega-event like global warming to stir us into action or will we show proactiveness? Denial is not an option with natural calamities. etc. 

Notice that I am using metaphorical writing in these sentences. I want you to drop these micro-sentences and sprinkle them over your writing to produce that effect which knocks the reader in the head with a jolt. Remember, however, not to overdo it. Overall, I would place your essay in a solid 120-140 mark range with the only caveat being that I am erring on the side of caution. 

Tc and stay healthy,
Ravi

Notice that I highlight the good and the not-so-good while giving useful suggestions. This is called constructive criticism and it is what you also must practice in your Evaluation reports. But the purpose of sharing this with you goes beyond just a demonstration. I want to impress upon you the fact that while writing the above feedback, I probably learnt more about writing and the essay topic than the writer of the Essay.

This is what you must experience now.

It is your turn to be the judge.

Your assignment is to judge the same essay and submit your evaluation reports based on the rules mentioned below.

Assignment & Rules of Evaluation

Your task is to prepare a 500 word evaluation report in the essay and post it in the comments below. Here are some things which you should include-

  1. Note any mistakes in grammar, syntax and language. Point out where the mistake occurs and what the mistake was.

2. Note any analogies and metaphors used in the Essay and see if they help explain the issue or if they confuse you. Where would you insert metaphors and how would you do it?

3. Find if some of the longer sentences be converted in to shorter, more impactful sentences? Find 5 such sentences from the Essay and write their shorter and more impactful versions.

4. Note any deviations from the topic and mention the paragraph and sentence where it occurs. Explain in 50 words or less about your suggestions of how the deviation(s) could have bee avoided.

5. Note the structure of the Essay carefully. Isolate the main points.

6. Rate the following on a scale of 0-10 where, 0 is horrible and 10 is superb-

  • Effective and exact expression
  • Staying closely to the topic
  • Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion
  • Writing concisely

7. Add the 4 ratings and divide by 4. That’s the score for this Essay according to you. Include this score in your report.

8. Mention what you liked most and disliked most about the Essay and how you would improve upon it.

Post your reports in the comments below.

Building this report will test you. In the process of making this report, you must become the judge, the jury and the executioner and balance the three acts.

Deadline for submission: 5/5/2021

Good luck!

16 thoughts on “UPSC ESSAY-WRITING EVALUATION : Judge, Jury & Executioner”

  1. 1. Fear of getting infected even lead to suicides at some places ( better to use- reported few suicides instead of some)
    2. oil (crude oil)
    3. there should be counter agreement to digital education as -lack of face to face interaction b/w teacher and student lead to low productivity while teachers are paid low during the crises and high fees burden on parents despite educational institutions are not running physically
    4. while stating power of pharma sector , has to raise dependence on other countries (USA, China) for raw materials (like API)
    5. used schemes, more focus on positive , cover all dimensions are good.
    6. But, can add facts about covid 19 and what can learn from previous pandemics. And can use effective words like ‘Vaccine Nationalism’
    >Effective and exact expression-8
    >Staying closely to the topic-8
    >Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion-7
    >Writing concisely-8
    Total=7.7

  2. Pandemic has changed the world forever
    1.Grammar mistakes,spelling mistakes are found here and there.
    *In the introduction paragraph , a disease that spreads should be replaced with that is spread
    *In 2nd para create huge job losses can be replaced ,also instead of white collar jobs it should be white collared employees
    *3rd page 1st paragraph has to be altered *3rd page-ampilified the voices “of” ->”for” reforms
    *3rd page ,2nd para-instead of world bodies,usage of international bodies would be better
    *5th page-India too was not spared somehow does not seem to fit there.
    *Big population to doctor ratio should be replaced with an inadequate & skewed doctor to population ratio
    *spelling mistakes-implimenting,hygene etc are there
    *6th page -of a lot of sectors to be replaced with of many sectors
    *6th page -In quoting PM’s words “an” was missing
    *7th page-in the swift actions sentence “which” is not required and also the sentence needs to be divided
    *7th page ,in 2nd para both is not required
    *8th page shifting the working and learning to digital mode should be changed
    *8thpage covid pandemic made public to focus on personal hygiene and to keep surroundings litter and spit free

    2.Analogies- irony of UN 75 year celebration and WHO crisis ,mammoth problems

    3.There are few sentences which needed a break down and some other needed simplification
    *News of immense loss of lives and also losing family can be changed *Globalised world phrase can be replaced with -across the globe and the sentence can be altered as -supply chains got skewed challenging the supply of even essential commodities. It exposed the vulnerabilities of resource dependant nations .they especially include oil producing nations.
    *in 5th page 1st paragraph should be properly arranged. India was also one among them instead of india was not spared .Giving backdrop and jumping to slow down,automobiles does not fit right.
    *5th page last para ,last 2lines can be simplified
    *Atma nirbhar Bharath-a self reliant india to fulfil aspirations of world too needs to be changed
    *In sentence regarding migrants-it can be changed to -as a result they were forced to move to their native places due to imposition of lock downs and it also exposed their vulnerable position

    4.Most of the points are relevant to the topic.how economy changed,impact on migrants,global cooperation, psychological challenges, impact on society,need of policy changes. However positive and negative changes got mixed in same paragraph.there are certain deviations -jump from atma nirbar bharat to china issue,Quad.Further focus on specific changes like reduced ghg levels in shangai ,delhi,improvemnts of water bodies could be mentioned in positive changes.A mention about how world should tackle zoonotic diseases and in economy how every nation is turning inwards,de globalisation,impact on tourism, aviation, local industry could be mentioned .

    5.structure
    introduction about pandemic
    economical ->social ->psychological aspects->international mentions->Indian scenario->tackling of crisis->future suggestions
    main points -impact on world economy ,jobs, migrant crisis, failure of global bodies,government handling of crisis through lockdowns, Atma nirbar Bharath ,impact at individual level ,how India can use this crisis as opportunity

    6.effective and exact expression:6
    staying close to the topic :6.5
    arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion:6.5
    writing concisely:6
    total :6.25

    7. Most liked parts
    simple and effective introdcution.usage of crisis as an opportunity, connecting to swatch bharat abhiyan, vocabulary like-mammoth problems,floodgates

  3. I found the essay very sweeping, touching almost all the aspects of a pandemic. The author has used simple yet effective words to convey his knowledge about the topic. Following are my evaluations for each of the dimension mentioned in the assignment:

    1. There were very few grammatical mistakes. Although I found some punctuation missing like putting commas after words like however, furthermore, secondly, etc. Also, there were few spelling mistakes in words like hygiene, implementing, incompetence, etc. At certain places, better prepositions can be used. e.g.-‘ world on the crisis’ instead of ‘world in crisis’, ‘pushing many to depression’ instead of ‘pushing many into depression’, ‘density at cities’ instead of ‘density of cities’.

    2. Some of the metaphors used were “floodgates’, ‘turning blind eye’. There was a possibility to use more metaphors in the essay. We can use the contrast between something as small as a virus bringing standstill to the biggest economies. How pandemic has ‘unmasked’ the shortcomings in our infrastructure. How when the humans were struggling to breathe, nature took a sigh of relief. The promptness and global cooperation to manufacture a vaccine were like the testament of the multiplicity of our capabilities when working in groups.

    4. I didn’t find any deviation from the topic.

    5. The essay could be deconstructed as:
    meaning of pandemic, the relation between pandemic and crisis, economic impact, psychological impact, pandemic as a global crisis, reforms in institutions, world co-operation, introspection, Indian aspect, digital technology, pandemic as a lesson.

    6. effective and exact expression-7
    staying close to the topic- 9
    arrangement- 6
    writing concisely-6

    7. final score- 7

    8. The best thing about the essay, according to me, was how it stayed to the point and touched almost every dimension of the topic. The words used were simple and easy to understand without making the statement superficial. The handwriting was clean and easy to comprehend.

    The essay could be improved in terms of the arrangement of arguments in such a manner that the reader can get the idea of where the essay is leading towards. There is a lack of flow from one paragraph to another. The arguments, although very effective, seem to exist in silos rather than being in continuity. There is an immense possibility to use metaphors to evoke emotions into the reader’s mind which remains untapped in the essay.

    Overall it was a great attempt and I learned a lot from it.

  4. PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER
    The essay was great and impressive. some of Points i observed in the essay are:
    1. Essay was crisp and clear except minor grammatical errors.
    2. Essay was accordance with the structure, consisting of T1 and T2, and corelation.
    3. All the points and the intent was clear, but examples of it could be better and some examples were brilliant.
    4.Positive approach to the essay.
    5.Essay was according to the topic.
    6. Conclusion makes all of us think for a while.
    7.Score board =8
    8.I really loved the essay as it in a positive way explaining all the situations in a wonderful way, and a good structure.

  5. The essay has been written quite well and exhaustively. As per my evaluation report few gaps in grammar, language, syntax are as follows:-

    page 1- The recent covid-19 pandemic has put the world in a state of crisis. it has brought new challenges and exposed inequalities in the society- longer sentences can be broken into two for ease of reading.

    almost and not all most , all countries barring few had negative growth.

    use of casual informal language like “Gonna” should be replaced by going to.

    page 2-
    The leaders realized the need of prioritizing improvement in Public Health infrastructure for robust economic health of the country.- excessive use of ‘for’ in a sentence can be replaced by restructuring.

    know neighbors each other well -missing link?

    Page 3- grammatical errors and spelling mistakes like developed, Public hygiene, huge population and density in cities- can be minimised by revising the essay.

    Page 4- A very good analogy was -Russia and USA recognized India as a strong pole in a multipolar world. It could have been elucidated further as to how?.. By vaccine maitri program. India is trying to help others even in a crisis and not turning it’s back even though it itself has shortage of vaccines. I think The implication of a government scheme or opportunity can highlight the point the writer has made more effectively.

    The word ‘secondly’ has noticeably been repeated often throughout the essay. Revision after completion would definitely refine and provide an opportunity to add missing words or delete some to polish it well.

    Some issues like high population, density, population to doctor ratio could have been clubbed together along with structural problems like Vulnerable migrant workers to have a wide sense of all issues and their interdependencies. In my experience, examples where covid prevelance was high and most challenging like cases in Mumbai , Delhi would make the essay more relatable to the reader. Going a step further if some suggestions by experts or success stories on tackling covid were also given, it would reflect the writers ability to drill down and add a special zing to the essay. WHO guidelines may also give some clarity on each stage of how to and where to plug the gaps:-
    1. Prepare and be ready
    2. Detect, protect and treat
    3. Reduce transmission
    4. Innovate and learn

    Page 5- The ending called out for global unity positively.
    What I like about the essay is that it delineates challenges clearly at the outset so that the impact shows the gravity of the issue at hand. i.e the relationship between T1 and T2.
    Another beautiful instance by the writer points to digital India program showing us the flexible readiness of shifting the working and learning to digital mode. it goes on to compare the flaws simultaneously of a new rural -urban divide where technology, electricity, connectivity makes all the difference. This really added substantial weight to the argument that how people use technology is secondary to whether they have access to their disposal. It makes all the difference between lagging behind and survival opportunities to earn bread and butter.

    I noticed there was one gap in the end which says “we can manage with minimum quantities thus a break needed from excessive consumerism” This may be true to a extent on a individual level, However improving public infrastructure and fighting the virus requires more capital goods like machines, ventilators, oxygen cylinders, PPE kits, masks, disposables which has led to a significant increase in consumerism for sure. This is a need rather than a afterthought. the plastic waste disposal after/ during the pandemic will pose another challenge to the environment.

    A country is “Of the People, By the People, For the People”- If we expect to come out of this crisis shining we must help each other by following health expert recommended protocols of masks, social distancing etc, responsibly getting vaccinated so that the virus doesn’t mutate further and any other steps that may really inspire and leave the reader with food for thought. On a scale of 0-10 , I would rate the essay as an 8.

    Structure of essay observed:-
    – Definition- T1, T2
    – Economic dimension
    – Role of WHO- failure ,Effect, reforms UNO
    – Cooperation- Science and Technology, vaccines
    – Psychological dimension
    – Philosophical dimensions – issues
    – Positives- how challenges were met
    – Indian outlook
    – Role of geopolitics in pandemic
    – Structural problems and Public Healthcare Systems
    – Ethical dimension -Environment
    – Inclusive growth

    Categorization of the headings into dimenions would have certainly made the essay easier to read and also perhaps clubbed some repeating points together like lack and fragility of public healthcare system. In all, the efforts put into the essay are commendable as they are thoughtfully presented.

  6. Pandemic has changed the world forever.

    In this topic, ESSELGO techniques can be easily applied, breaking down the essay into T1 and T2.

    1-There are some mistakes of grammar and spellings.
    2- Analogy– UN meeting held Virtually
    3- Sentence used are quite long, which makes it slightly complex to grasp in one go, what the sentence wants to convey.
    Another Important things to be noticed is the pace at which the global power joins hands INSTEAD Vaccine Diplomacy and development came through global cooperation.
    4- Deviation: In this topic, there was not any need of talking about the geopolitical angle, and the QUAD summit, because it neither seems to occur due to Pandemic nor it has effected the life directly.
    SUGGESTION- In order to keep the dimensions clear, it would be better to clarify those points , how the geopolitics and QUAD summit has affected the life.

    * STRUCTURE: Based on STEPPE method
    Definition of T1 and T2: Pandemic
    Sectors Affected
    WHO roles and Failures
    Revisit Policies Post Pandemic
    Priority to Public Health and Infrastructure
    Global Corporation
    Vaccine Development
    Lock-down and its implication on human life
    Impact on Day to Day business
    Vaccine Development
    Digital India and Digital Divide
    Concluding Remarks

    Score board
    i. Effective Expression= 7
    ii. Staying close to topic= 8
    iii. Ordered arrangement of ideas=7
    iv. Writing concisely= 6

    Total= 7

    Positives: Structure and flow, effective expression, good use of vocabulary
    Opportunities: Long sentences can be minimized, better coverage close to the topic can help, unnecessary relations van be avoided, a bit of data related to effect of pandemic on people can help.

  7. The structure of the essay is great. And the flow is smooth with appropriate use of simple connecting words. However, while using secondly, thirdly, it’s better to use FIRSTLY also.

    Introduction is to the point saying what a pandemic is, what is it’s relationship with forever change and the importance of the relationship.

    Then about the bad things in economy, psychology, again different sectors of economy, globalised economy, WHO.

    Then good things in political sphere, in UN, research in basic science, reality and push for health care systems, good and bad impact on human psyche.

    Then, challenges to India, interventions and least mortality rate, digital opportunities in IT sector and education sector, Atmanirbhar bharat, change in world order, and positive impact on military and economic and strategic partnership of India with world, contrasting developments and inequality, a little deviation by repetition of digital opportunities of IT, education, and bringing in rural urban digital divide. Changes in diet and hygiene and medical system, a little deviation in bringing S&T with climate change.

    Then should things, on sustainable development, leaving nature undisturbed, inclusive growth.

    Beautiful, crisp conclusion, but deviated because of specific mentioning of Atmanirbhar.

    Bringing in the themes of Vasudaiva Kudumbakam, nature healing itself, and how pandemic furthered Swacch Bharat Abhiyan is impresive, giving a rich postive aspect to the essay.

    Analogies and metaphors like grassroot public health care system, stopped running, opened the eyes are used.

    Better use of metaphors and evocative words would add to the impacts the essay have on reader.

    Like,

    The pandemic brought the economy to its knees, engulfing many, especially unorganised sector workers into poverty because of loss of jobs.

    On the one hand witnessing loss of lives of huge number of people, across the world, the depressing situations of inadequate hospitals infrastructure, painful sufferings of migrant workers, on the other hand, the selfless service delivered by frontline workers, volunteers jumping to help, various government measures push people to emotional roller coaster.

    …The pace at which world leaders and scientists collaborated cooperatively to develop the vaccine is heartening and inspiring. The push this gave for research in basic science will only improve in coming years benefitting many aspects of life of all.

    Lockdown brought a compulsory halt to the mindless routine race of human lives, letting them to cherish the trivial beauty of nature around, appreciate and share friendship and love with family and neighbours, providing a much needed space for introspection of our lives.

    ( I find it difficult to use short sentences sir. Looks incomplete to me.)

    Some grammar and syntax corrections that might make the essay better.

    Like,

    1. A disease that AFFECTS a large number of people SPREAD across the world is pandemic

    2. ALMOST all countries had negative growth except a very few

    3. In the globalised world, COVID19 skewed and disrupted the global supply chain making it a big challenge for governments to even manage the AVAILABILITY AND ACCESSIBILITY of some very essential commodities (using active voice avoids confusion)

    4. …disaster management preparedness, THE REQUIRED global co-operations during such a severe crisis and a lot of other related things

    5. Leaders realised the need to give HIGHER priority to public health so as to achieve economic health. AND also the dire NECESSITY of global reliable co-operations to tackle further such pandemics

    6. COVID 19 pandemic PUSHED people TO focus on BOTH PERSONAL and PUBLIC HYGIENE

    7. Also increased the AWARENESS of people about their LIFESTYLE with enhanced CONSCIOUSNESS of the diet they take

    8. REVIVING traditional medicinal system of AYUSH which takes as much PREVENTIVE MEASURES as CURATIVE MEASURES

    There is scope to better organise the essay.

    For example,

    The para on the failure of WHO could be continued by the amplification of voices of reforms para and then continued with the steps taking by National governments.

    (Sir, but I have a doubt here. If it’s so organised, won’t bad things, good things and should things of a particular aspect will merge ? Will that be good too?)

    Effective and exact expression -7
    Staying close to the topic – 8
    Arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion – 7
    Writing concisely – 8

    Score : 7.5

  8. Dear Sir, here’s how i find the essay as a judge:
    1)As far as the trio of grammar ,syntax and language is concerned: all were fine and sentences were in active voice .Only few erring instances are found which can be easily corrected , eg: usage of “gonna be” etc seems informal .

    2)There was usage of facts and statistics: which substantiated the sentence nicely (150 million people became poor, issue of blue collar jobs etc). along with mention of its source.

    3)Metaphors and Analogies finds usage but in very few instances . Eg: pandemic opened the eyes of humanity ,wings of growth and development for our country and so on.

    4)Some sentences which can be shortened: a)”another important thing that can be noticed……” : Pandemic forced global powers to join hands at a surprisingly fast pace, hitherto un-noticed. b)”secondly, it amplified the voices …..” : Pandemic challenged the present world order and asserted the need for greater distribution of powers among new-emerging-nations for more inclusive approach to challenges ahead .
    c)”Moreover ,this pandemic compelled countries to impose lockdowns …….” : There was significant deterioration and mental and psychological health of public due to: restricted-stay , pain of losing loved ones, fear of getting infected and much more .
    d)”Worldwide govt struggles……”: Both developed and developing countries struggled in proving basic-healthcare-amenities .
    e)”However, humanity paused for a while….” : this sentence was repetition of earlier similar sentence “lockdowns made people stop for a while….”–> so could be avoided .

    5)STRUCTURE OF ESSAY:
    INTRODUCTION—-> POINTS IN FAVOUR OF “PANDEMIC INDUCED IRREVERSIBLE CHANGE”—> “INDIAN THINGS”—>”SHOULD THINGS”.

    IT IS LACKING CONCLUSION WHICH GOT SUBMERGED WITH “SHOULD THINGS” . SO , CONCLUSION should be added following SCoReF technique.

    MOREOVER, AREAS WHERE PANDEMIC HAD ZERO OR NEGLIGIBLE IMPACT SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN (eg: virtual gaming , isolated science based missions etc ) as small part of structure .

    6)Some arguments have been found “out of context of topic and could be avoided”: a) “the conduct of WHO…..” b)”Fortunately inspite of these mammoth problems…… ” c) “However, fast changing geopolitical scenario…..”.

    7) The arguments should be “LOGICALLY ARRANGED” into STEPPE ,PESTELE etc dimentions , and carefully narrated .
    8) MARKING–> (8 + 7 + 6 + 7 )/ 4 = 28/4 = 7 (FINAL SCORE) . SUGGESTIONS ARE ENCLOSED ALONG WITH POINTS.

    It was an wonderful essay with diverse-points across varied domains substantiating the need of essay . Few tweaks and additions can act as game changer .

    THANK YOU

  9. Pandemic has changed the world forever.
    The whole essay was written in orderly manner starting from the introduction to explaining the concept of Thing 1 & 2.
    The plot was clear of the essay was well written by the writer by following the ESSELGO technique. Though i have few evaluation from my end which goes like this
    firstly I would like to draw attention to the grammatical and spelling errors, there are few points where we can see the use of wrong tenses and some parts lack proper use of articles or no use of it at all.
    Intent of the points were clear but the examples used was not adhered to the plot of the essay.
    I would like to appreciate the analogies made and the positive points given on the essay which describes the positive approach on the essay and also shows the way forward how we as a country stand against all odds and helping selves and also too the people of the other country and lastly the use of ‘Vasudhaiva Kuttumbakam’ was exactly related and co related with the essay.

  10. The given specimen essay- “The covid19 pandemic has changed the world forever” – is a well-written essay., which has highlighted the changes the pandemic has brought about the world over.
    The pandemic discussed here is clear and it has discussed various aspects at length following the ESSELGO technique taught by our mentor.
    Not many grammar mistakes are found except for some mistakes such as “immensely (last line of 2nd paragraph), led (last line of 3rd paragraph), almost (4th paragraph)” etc.
    The syntax and the language used seem to be fine. The language especially is very simple, making all the points very clear. The author has avoided the usage of metaphors or analogies, probably to avoid confusion. But, a comparison could be drawn between the current pandemic and the earlier ones, such as the Spanish flu, plague, etc., which had devastated the world. We should have learned from these disasters and prepared for the future.
    Some sentences seem to be long and confusing.
    Example:- The 1st sentence in the 11th paragraph, starting with “Moreover lockdown’s———new skills” could be split into 2 to avoid confusions. i.e., “Moreover lockdowns made people stop running for a while in their busy life. It allowed them to revisit themselves, rebuild good family relationships, know their neighbors well, discover their inner potentials, and learn some new skills.”
    Another sentence that can be rephrased as “with it’s proximity to the believed regimes———–automobile sectors in 2019” in the 12th paragraph. This can be rephrased as,
    “India’s proximity to the believed origins of the virus, Wuhan in China, it’s a huge population, lack of public hygiene, dwindling primary healthcare systems, a very big population to doctor ratio, a slowly picking up economy, etc., has caused more damage to the nation, due to the pandemic.”
    The author did not deviate from the main topic. But, there are certain repetitions such as the “Atamanirbhar Bharath” which could be avoided.
    The best thing about the essay is that it has dealt extensively with the pandemic and its pros and cons. The structure of the essay is very clear with a proper introduction and explanation. The author has dealt with the economic, psychological, and political aspects of the issue.
    Economic:- the covid19 pandemic has affected the world economically, especially the blue-collared workers. At the same time, it has given a boost to the IT industry and distance education.
    Psychological:- Many people have been affected psychologically by the pandemic. They have been depressed due to the isolation, lack of job opportunities, and dwindling wealth. This has even led to suicides.
    Political:- It has created a new world order which has brought down the importance of the USA as a superpower. India gained a strong position in a multipolar world due to its management of the crises.
    It has exposed the weakness of WHO for not being able to deal with the crises effectively.
    On a scale of 0-10 where 0 is horrible and 10 is superb, the essay can be evaluated for various points like this:-
    -> effective and exact expression => 8
    -> staying close to the topic => 10
    -> arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion => 8
    -> writing concisely => 6
    Thus, the overall rating of the essay on a scale of 0-10 is 8.
    So, is my view.

  11. JUDGE, JURY and EXECUTIONER.
    PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER.

    * 1st page 2nd pharagraph ‘ 150 million people will become poor’ is change to ‘150 million people became poor’ in past tense.
    * 1st line last pharagraph word ‘loss of family members’ cama is inserted after this word.
    * 2nd Page 2nd pharagraph 2nd line word ‘disruptions’ change ‘disrupted’.
    * 2nd page line starting from ‘Crude oil’ is better than started ‘Oil’. Because, In this place which type oil is discussed.
    * 3rd page 7th line ‘hygene’ is wrong spelling. Correct spelling is ‘hygiene’.
    * 1st page 2nd pharagraph word ‘analyse’ is better than ‘rethink’.
    * In 2nd pharagraph ‘pushed million people into poverty’ is better than ‘pushed million into poverty’.
    * 1st page 2nd pharagraph is better for reading ‘according to world bank report “more than 150 million people bacame poor”.’
    * 2nd page, last pharagraph word ‘such’ is not necessary to in this place.
    * 3rd page 1st pharagraph line ‘good economic health of country’. Word ‘wealth’ is suitable for ‘health’.
    * 3rd page 2nd pharagraph from 3rd line to last line is deviation from subject.
    * STRUCTURE:
    STEPPE method is used to Structure of the essay.
    * RATING:
    1. Effective and exact expression=8
    2. Staying closely to the topic=9
    3. Arrangements of ideas in an orderly fashion=8
    4. Writing concisely=9
    * RATE = 8.5
    * Essay has written very good manner. What is actually going on is very clearly mentioned. But, some improvement in the essay makes more marks. Like subtitles, examples. It’s gives understanding of reader.

  12. Writer has made a couple of grammatical mistakes, i will mention few of them . In the first line using ‘is’ after a disease that is inappropriate . In the second page, second paragraph, writer should write ‘before countries’ rather than ‘to countries’. In the third page, first paragraph, second line can be replaced by “ leaders realised the need to prioritise public health for a healthy economy.” Collectively, i will say writer has used wrong prepositions in few places and tried to make sentences concise in some areas where it is not meant to. In page4,first paragraph , one can get its meaning by guessing what writer wants to say but the language used by him is vague. It must be written as “ Even the developed countries were unable to face the wrath of corona virus where as developing countries were struggling to provide the basic health care which costed us many lives. All this reflected the lack of required public health care system. In the same page, next paragraph can be written as “ Moreover, lockdowns imparted some behavioral change in people i.e from self care to family care to society care. In 5th page, first paragraph, there was no need to mention about the slow growth of automobile sector . It is misfitted there. In the next paragraph, fortuantely must be omited from the first sentence. In the next paragraph secondly must be omited because in the previous paragraph, it tells about how state come forward and tackled the problems where as the joining paragraph told about the changing in the nature of sector. In page 7, last paragraph , writer used words which are not fitting there properly. There are some gramatical mistakes in the first paragraph of page no. 9 like the last line can be written as posing an existentila threat not only to other species but also to humans. I didn’t find much deviation from the topic but it was more about the economic effect and didn’t cover other areas in a wider scope. But writer has tried to touch almost all dimensions. Essay started with the decent introduction but it straightly jumped towards economic factor which must be avoided . After that he covered the other effects and how it impacted us. Also mentioned about the government policies which helps us to tackle the problems and concluded well with our inherited phrase “vasudev Kutumbhkam”
    -Effective and exact expression – 7
    -Staying close to the topic – 7
    -Arrangement of ideas in orderly fashion – 7
    -Writing concisely – 7
    -Overall score -7
    – I liked the first paragraph of the page8 which mentioned about the “how digital india was an edge to us and also added the issue of digital divide which causes inequality.”
    – I didn’t like the aspect of patriotism to condemn china but it must be added as it changed the nature of geopolity and the essay was about the change after pandamic.

  13. Pandemic Has changed the world forever
    1 -MISTAKES – question instead questions Page 2 Para 3 and Hygiene- Hygene at Page 3 Para 1
    2 ANALOGIES – UN meeting held Virtually
    3 -5 SENTENCES- I found only one long sentences
    Another Important things to be noticed is the pace at which the global power joins hands INSTEAD Vaccine Diplomacy and development came through global cooperation.
    4- DEVIATION FROM THE TOPIC – After going through the essay ,I found all okay but the only deviation from the topic is about mentioning about the Geopolitics and QUAD summit as the it neither seems to occur due to Pandemic nor it has effected the life directly.
    SUGGESTION- In order to stick to the topic I suggest to clarify those points , how the geopolitics and QUAD summit has effected the life.

    5- STRUCTURE OF ESSAY
    Definition of Pandemic
    Sector Effected
    WHO roles and Failures
    Revisit Policies Post Pandemic
    Priority to Public Health and Infrastructure
    Global Corporation in Vaccine Development
    Lock-down and its implication on human life
    Impact on Day to Day business
    Digital India and Digital Divide
    Concluding Remarks

    6. (RATING
    (i) Effective and exact expression: 6
    (ii)Staying closely to the topic: 8
    (iii)Arrangement of the ideas in orderly fashion: 8
    (iv)Writing concisely: 6

    7. Score 7
    8 . The Aspect which I liked the most that every topic was touched and explained in very good manner
    The aspect I did not like was the inclusion of geopolitical issue which had no relevance with the topic

  14. JUDGE, JURY and EXECUTIONER.
    PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER
    The essay was very impressive but more impressive the essay writing that what I found that was awesome.
    Talking about the mistake , I hardly found some mistake are as follow :-
    1) On page no.1 –
    a) first paragraph – 2nd last line
    In place of “rethink” we can use another word – “analyze” , “interpret” or “give attention on”.
    b) second paragraph – 2nd line
    In order to expand the sentence we can write this – “job crisis” , “loss of jobs” or “lack of job arises” in place of “joblosses”.
    c) second paragraph – 3rd line
    The sentence “More than 150 million people will become poor says a World bank report” . The word “will not use it should be in past simple tense i.e. , According to World Bank Report , “More than 150 million people became poor “.
    d) second paragraph – last 2nd line
    The word “blue collar workers ” are seems to be present the sense of disparity because whether white collar jobs or blue collar jobs both should be treated as equally as both are type of jobs only , both serve to the nation as both have their importance in their scope .
    That’s why we should mention “blue collar jobs” instead of “blue collar workers”.
    e) last paragraph – last 2nd line
    “The fear of getting infected even lead to suicide at some places”. This line is confusing but what I endeavor in understanding , this , that it mean , the fear of being infected is equal to suicide. And other thing is that the word confusing me that is it “some” or “same”.
    2) On page no.2 –
    f) first paragraph – 1st line
    The word “affected” is used many times , the other word we can use is “make (huge) impact on”.
    g) second paragraph – 2nd line
    Mention “disrupt” instead of “disruption”.
    h) second paragraph – on last 2nd & last line
    “Oil based economics realized their vulnerable position in a future which is gonna be free from oil”
    Before starting new sentence from “Oil” , it should be consider that oil is also a type of commodity which is not mentioned in the sentence , the starting appropriating sentence should be “Crude oil , one of commodities in which economy is also based (or which is also one of the base of economy) realized their downward position , in future which may be , prove the stagflation for this commodity.
    i) third paragraph – 1st line
    Mention simple present form “fail” instead of “failures”.
    j) third paragraph – 3rd line
    The sentence “probe to the origins” replace by “probe related to the origins”.
    3) On 3rd page no.
    k) first paragraph – 2nd line
    We can use the word “endeavor” in the place of “tried”.
    l) first paragraph – 4th line
    We can use the word “improve the” instead of “improved”.
    m) first paragraph – 6th line
    The sentence “for a good economic health” corrected as “for a sound economy” to present in adequate and concise manner.
    Other thing is that, there is missing of exclamatory sign i.e. , (from 5th line) ” to be given for public health for a good economic health of country” , it should be – “to be given for public health , for a sound economy of country”.
    n) first paragraph – 7th line
    The word “dire” means very bad or serious ; terrible , so in place of this we can use the word “directions / guidance” which make clear sense.
    o) second paragraph – 2nd line
    The word “reforms” is wrong it should be “reformers”.
    p) last paragraph – 2nd line
    It should be “in the” instead of “into the”.
    4) On the page no. 4
    q) first paragraph – 5th line
    The word “reflected” should be replaced by “reflect” as simple present form.
    5) On page no. 5
    r) last paragraph – 2nd line
    “Benefitted the citizen” should be replaced by “benefit to the citizens”.
    6)On page no. 6
    s) second paragraph – 3rd line
    “stew” is wrong , it should be “steps”.
    7) On page no. 8
    t) first paragraph – 2nd line
    The correct spelling of “lesiened” is “lesioned”.
    Rate: 7 + 9 + 8 + 10 = 34/4 = 8.5
    Writing was bit confusing , but the vocabulary are superb & amazing , word is used in such a beautiful manner , which make the sentence beautiful & I think there is no need of idioms or proverb , the word itself seems to be attractive , dashingly , stylishly , gaily etc.

  15. JUDGE, JURY and EXECUTIONER.
    PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED THE WORLD FOREVER.

    As the insight of the topic is to explain how the it made irreversible changes in the world and it made it clear in the first paragraph with sticking to both the negative, in fact to think positively.
    1) Now to point out the mistakes are grammatical mistakes which changed the sentence. Some are no need of using necessary in this place… dire necessary…. dire alone is enough, in fact, one more mistake is i don’t think….. fortunately inspite of…..not needed can mention it directly as fortunately states imposed strict lockdown to avoid this mammoth problem.

    2)Rather using distance education using the digital platform would be nice for the metaphor flood gates.

    3) Few of them are…
    i. news of immense loss of lives and also losing family members affected mental health pushing many to depressions the fear of getting infected lead to suicides at some places.
    As surge in cases, affected loss to closed ones putting family in to dejection over pandemic.
    ii. The leaders realised for the need for the improved priorities to be given for a public health for a good economic health of the country.
    After this the regime will replenish with robust care at the PHC in all the states.
    4) a little bit deviation is found which is highlighted by ravi sir initially in the paragraph
    5) the structure includes the pandemic impact on individual lives, economically, socially and politically and improvement humanity. psychological impact ,migration, education system and improvement in research and exploration in conserving the environment and human life.
    6)score board
    i Effective and exact expression= 7
    ii. Staying closely to the topic= 10
    iii Arrangement of ideas in an orderly fashion=7
    iv. Writing concisely= 6
    7) total= 7.5
    8) what i liked is structure, flow and sentence formation from various aspects with no diversion from the topic with proper expression and i disliked is the use of more metaphors and analogies would cause an impact to the essay reader and i would have included in them with some QUOTES at point where people get dejected.

  16. Pandemic has changed the world forever.

    This is one such essay where the ESSELGO technique fits naturally. Once you see it, it is difficult to un-see it. So my evaluation is typically based on the same. Mentioned below are a few things that I noticed in the course of the evaluation:
    (1)Few expressions are grammatically wrong such as, ‘..world on crisis’ should be ‘…world amidst crisis’; ‘…pushing many to depressions’ should be ‘…pushing many into depression.’ Similarly, ‘..know neighbours each other well’ should be ‘..know their neighbours’; ‘..dire necessary’ is not the correct usage, it should have been ‘dire need’ or ‘dire necessity’. Also, the words hygiene and implementing are misspelt a couple of times.

    (2)Metaphors and analogies are sparingly used in the essay. For example, ‘…floodgates of digital learning’ was one such usage. Few example, gut-wrenching and irreparable pain caused due to death of loved ones. Covid devastated the economy and intensified the income inequalities. The virus which is invisible to the naked eye has shook the collective conscience of each individual on the planet. Such sentences could be used to highlight the impact of the pandemic.

    (3)Few of the sentences which can be replaced with effective/shorter versions are as follows:
    (i)News of immense loss of lives and also losing some family members affected mental health, pushing many into depression.

    The gut-wrenching and irreparable pain caused due to death of loved ones disturbed mental health of many.

    (ii) Many such new experiences for countries made them revisit their policies, trade relations and dependence, large scale disaster management preparedness, global co-operation during a deep crisis time and a lot of other related things.

    It is an opportunity for the countries to redesign their policies at national and global level with more emphasis on disaster management.

    (iii)Also the global reliable cooperation’s dire necessary to tackle further such pandemics. (Sentence is ambiguous)

    To tackle a future pandemic, formulating a reliable framework at global level is inevitable.

    (iv) Secondly, it amplified the voices of reforms in world bodies which have not been updated with the changing times.

    Secondly, it gave a push to the long pending reforms of global institutions such UN.

    (v) However, humanity paused for a while and pandemic gave a good opportunity to ponder about many things like self, family, nature, climate change etc.

    However, it gave human race to self-introspect and to inquire their impact on nature.

    (4)Paragraph 13 largely talks about origin of the virus, public health sector, doctor to population ratio etc and abruptly talks about slowdown in automobile sector. The ending of the paragraph
    is not only a deviation but also unjustified.

    Instead, government spending on health care, the situation of primary health care centres and universal health coverage should have been discussed.

    (5) The main points discussed in the essay are, meaning of the pandemic; economic and psychological impact of the pandemic; the relevance of global institutions and importance of their cooperation; geo-political changes; the state of public health infrastructure; importance of scientific development; Migrant crisis due to lockdown in India; Digital divide; importance of Swachh Bharat Abhiyan and Atma Nirbhar Bharat; Impact of consumerism; Importance of conservation of nature and the idea of Vasudaiva Kutumbakam.

    (6)Ratings:
    (i) Effective and exact expression: 4
    (ii)Staying closely to the topic: 9
    (iii)Arrangement of the ideas in orderly fashion: 6
    (iv)Writing concisely: 5

    (7) Score: 6

    (8) The aspects I liked the most in the essay are- inclusion of various dimensions such as reforms required at global level; migrant crisis; Atma Nirbhar Bharat; the use of consumerism at the right place. These are few extraordinary points and could be difficult to recall in the exam. The simple and clear definition of pandemic is impressive. It gives a smooth introduction to the essay.

    The things that could be improved are the order in which things ideas are discussed. For example, impact at individual and institutional level- societal, national and global should be discussed. Followed by challenges in various dimensions- economic, health, scientific and the solutions there in. Furthermore, this essay is an opportunity to be creative. The way you reimagine the world post-pandemic could be an impactful conclusion. That way, your essay will linger in the mind of examiner for a while.

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