In the UPSC mains, as in life, If you do what everyone does, you will get what everyone gets. As a matter of fact, almost everyone gets average marks in the Essay paper.
Only a few exceptions get much more or much less than the average score in the UPSC mains exam. Obviously, you are interested in getting much more and land in the topper-zone shown in the graph. You want to be the exceptional candidate who ends up scoring 70-80% marks in the Essay paper that year.
But if you make the same mistakes which everyone makes, you will not reach that exceptional score and will remain stuck in the mountain of mediocrity.
Common mistakes lead to common outcomes.
So, before you understand what you must do to get a super-high score in the UPSC mains exam, you must learn what NOT to do.
Here’s your video tutorial for this lesson:
MISTAKE 1: Being confused about the type of Essay to write in the UPSC Mains exam
The two types of Essays which are critical for you to distinguish are – personal Essays and Analytical Essays.
Personal Essays as you might have guessed, are about you. While applying to Colleges, personal Essays are sometimes part of the application.
Some Examples of personal essays are-
“What were the most defining moments of your life and how did they change you?”
“Who is your role model and why?”
“Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”
“Why do you think you are a good fit for XYZ college?”
The purpose of personal essays is to get a glimpse inside the mind, intentions, character and personality of the essay-writer in order to judge or evaluate their fitness for something – a college program, scholarship or job.
And therefore, the way to approach personal essays is to try and share information about oneself and to try and convince the reader about one’s suitability.
This is the exact opposite of what you should do in the Essay paper of the UPSC mains exam.
The Essays which are asked in the UPSC exam are analytical and argumentative types. That means that they are NOT about you and you should therefore abstain from sharing any personal information whatsoever.
The purpose of analytical essays is to judge your intellectual capacity for reasoning, logical consistency, organized thinking and concise expression.
Note that analytical essays can include all kinds of topics such as- philosophical or Ethical, scientific or socio-economic.
The Essay topic could be about Sports, Technology, Cinema, crime or cooking but you, personally, are not to become part of the narrative of the Essay.
MISTAKE 2: Using anecdotes in impersonal Essays
See mistake 1. An anecdote is you reciting an experience of yours to relate to a point or as an example of something you wish to express. It is personal information. Avoid using personal anecdotes.
You can read about the biggest blunder I ever committed by in this article.
MISTAKE 3: Using unnecessary poems and quotations in the UPSC mains exam
It is a common misconception that your Essay should be poetic and romantically expressive in order to be good. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Poetry is a form of literary art where words are used in creative ways with focus being on the subjective experience of the reader or the writer.
Appealing to emotions and feelings adds no weight to your arguments in the Essay and therefore, does not give the examiner any reason to give you higher marks.
Adding quotations will not add much value to your Essays because the examiner is interested in knowing what you have to say about a topic, rather than someone else.
In case you wish to check it out- The Ultimate Cheatbook 2.0 of Essay & Answer-writing is here.
Moreover, you should not have to quote someone famous in order to make your point in the Essay. Which is to say that if your arguments are powerful and logically consistent, they will have the effect of impressing the reader regardless of what Pt. Nehru or Mother Teresa once said about it.
Sometimes Quotations are used to gain credibility, but it is much easier to gain credibility through factoids and data from credible sources.
A quotation is one person’s isolated comment on one thing. Without knowing the context around which it was said and why it was said, it is impossible to interpret the intention of the speaker accurately.
So, you should avoid wasting time memorizing quotations about a topic and use the time to develop arguments and counterarguments instead which will prove much more valuable for the UPSC mains exam.
MISTAKE 4 : Not realizing that timed essays are different from untimed essays
The experience of writing an Essay in the exam versus writing one in your study room are very different, to say the least.
The examination experience is much more stressful, time-bound, chaotic and unfamiliar than your home.
You should know that your experience of time is dependent on the kind of situation you are in. Have you noticed how time seems to fly by when you’re on a vacation and how it slows to halt when you’re meditating?
Preparing for a timed essay is very different from preparing for an untimed one.
If your professor asks you to submit an essay within a week’s time, you can mull over the topic and take your time to formulate your arguments.
The UPSC, on the other hand, will ask you to write not one, but TWO essays, on unfamiliar topics within three hours in the UPSC mains exam. You can learn how to optimize your time-resources on Exam-day by learning more here.
MISTAKE 5 : Choosing the wrong topic in the UPSC mains exam
A sure shot way of getting stuck under the mountain of mediocrity or worse.
Choosing well is important in the UPSC mains exam because-
- Your strengths and weaknesses are different from others and so the best choice for you is likely to be different from the best choices of others.
- Decision paradox can kill your time and cause confusion.
- Not choosing well may cause interference and distract you later during the IAS exam.
- A bad choice of topic is irreversible once you start writing on the answer sheet.
- A bad choice becomes obvious half-way through the exam when you run out of points and are forced to repeat the same arguments over and over again.
- The structure and flow of your answer or essay will suffer.
- This will be spotted by the examiner and you will loose marks.
- A good choice of essay topic can boost your score by up to 40%.
The good news is that I designed exactly such a tool called the DECISION MATRIX.
DECISION MATRIX is a series of weighted scores which reflect your proficiency level on a given topic.
- You have to give a score of 0-9 to each of the 8 questions, for every topic under consideration.
- Your ratings will give you a score which will tell you how good your choice of topic is.
- The topic with the highest total score is your best choice. Or the most well-prepared topic.
- The higher you score on the Decision matrix, the better your choice of topic is.
- Be brutally honest in your ratings. No one will judge you based on these scores.
But not to worry, the Decision Matrix will ensure that you never fall into this exam-trap.
Compare the following sentences-
- Sentence 1: “The exam was failed by over one half of the candidates”
The action is performed upon the candidates (subject), which means it is indirect and therefore a passive sentence.
- Sentence 2: “Over one half of the candidates failed the exam”
The candidates (sentence subject) perform the action, which means it is an active voice.
Active voice is more concise than passive voice because it takes fewer words to express an action and the meaning is conveyed directly.
Sentences written in the passive voice tend to be too wordy or lack focus. In the UPSC mains exam, less is more. Since you have a limited word count, avoid using passive voice.
MISTAKE 7 : No Pre-writing in the Essay paper
Whatever you do before you begin writing your Essay on the answer-sheet is Pre-writing. It includes brainstorming, thinking, choosing, Rough work, bulleting points, drawing diagrams or mind maps.
As you will learn in upcoming chapters that Pre-writing is the most vital part of Essay-writing and not doing it is equivalent to committing a blunder.
MISTAKE 8 : Not understanding the heart of the Essay topic
This is the fundamental mistake from which the rest of the mistakes emanate. In other words, if you do not have insight into the core issue of the Essay topic, the resulting Essay will be of mediocre quality.
You can use the Deconstruction technique to get to the heart of any essay topic in 60 seconds or less.
MISTAKE 9 : Repetition and redundancy in the UPSC mains exam
Avoid repetition even if it is in different words. This means that the same point should not be repeated even though with different words.
Note that the two sentences above are an example of repetition. Any one of the sentences would have sufficed.
Note again, the same mistake with the two sentences above.
MISTAKE 10 : Formatting errors
Leaving some space between paragraphs illustrates a transition in your writing and provides a break between consecutive arguments or points. Since this is a paper-and-pen test, you must ensure that your paragraph spacing is adequate to produce the desired effect.
You will find that the Strategic Smart Spacing and SOS cheat codes in the Ultimate Cheatbook exploit this spacing to gain additional marks.
Bulleting and numbering should be avoided. The essay is a formal piece of writing where you are expected not to deploy short-cut methods to organize your information like bulleting and numbering.
Instead, you should use connecting words to organize and structure your essay. Further in this book, you will find a chapter dedicating to Connecting words and some powerful cheat-codes on how you can use them optimally in the exam.
MISTAKE 11 : Focusing on grammar more than content quality
While grammar is important, the quality of your arguments and clarity of expression, will fetch you high marks in the exam.
Grammar is important in it’s own right but it should not come at the cost of substance. If you think your grammar and command over language is not that great, then you should try to eliminate the need for grammar. And one way to do that is to use really short sentences. All in active voice.
MISTAKE 12: Not revising and reviewing answer-sheets
Contrary to popular belief, reviewing revising is not a re-reading of your Essay or for underling important points. It is golden opportunity to avoid blunders, correct mistakes and even boost your score by as much 20%.
What all essay topics in the UPSC exam do share is that they require analysis and logical arguments, something which has been covered exhaustively in The Ultimate Cheatbook for Essay & Answer-writing.
ASSIGNMENT
Your assignment is to analyze the following writing-sample from one of my students :
Human being is a creation of nature , human being is part of homosapiens . The word human means us , that is man , women , a child. Being human is the part of living organism to develop or create itself by their understanding or nature. Superior mental development distinguish human beings from other animals. Being human plays very important role in their differences because of that no human being can called as human being without any common senses they all are animals. Being human means not only to behave like human , it means man , women have to change their thoughts towards life, loving behaviour towards nature . The relation between human being and being human is to creation or development of society with their common sense being human is very much related to human being with humanity. If the human beings can not have humanity towards surroundings it means humans have to being human. Their relationship is very important because of that the next generation will understand the concept of humanity, and respect the nature. Very important is to thank the nature and to protect and save the nature from human beings disaster habits this is the real meaning of being human.
TASK 1: Spot and list which of the 12 mistakes may have been committed in the passage above AND list your suggestions for improvements.
TASK 2. Re-write and improve this passage in about 200 of your own words with your suggestions embedded and the mistakes removed as much as possible.
Do this exercise honestly and diligently. Spend some time arranging and re-arranging the words in a way that your sentences flow better and the passage becomes easier and more pleasing to read.
You will have to Edit your draft AT LEAST THRICE before a good structure emerges but do not shy away from the hard work.
It will make ALL the difference.
All the best!
Ravi Kapoor, IRS
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Mistakes
1 Grammatical error
2 spelling error
3 unstructred essay
4 lake of flow
Suggestion
Work on grammar and vocabulary simultaneously
Task 2
Rewrite the essay
A human being refer to a member of the species homo sapiens that differ from most animal by a high standard of psychological development, power of speaking fluently and coherently,way of sitting and standing.Human being can act upon nature to create a new world to fulfill all there wants a desires. Human action are forced for changing the law of nature
Human being are expected to be sensible,intelligent, emotionally and morally conscious about right and wrong.
Task1: Highlighting the mistakes
i) Grammatical errors
ii) Punctuation errors
iii) Unstructured essay (Introduction, Body & Conclusion missing)
iv) Repetitive usage of passive voice
v) Factual errors
vi) Spelling errors
vii) Unclear content (failed to explain the heart of the topic)
viii) Lack of basic vocabulary knowledge (repetitive words)
ix) Lack of practice and revision
Suggestions:
a. Work on Grammar and Vocabulary simultaneously.
b. Use decision matrix to choose the best fit topic as Essay stands out to be one of the most scoring paper.
c. Regular Practice and Revision
d. Keep track of time and word limit.
Task 2: Rewriting the passage
Human beings are creations of nature. They belong to the homo sapiens group. Men, women and children, all human beings, primitively originated from the Hominidae family. Other members from this group include chimpanzees, gorillas & bonobos. What makes humans special and unique is the high level of psychological development. The ability to see, think, analyse and communicate.
Human beings are expected to be sensible, rational, emotionally and morally conscious about rights and wrongs.
To live and exist is the mere nature of a human being. As quoted by Mahatma Gandhi, “The greatness of humanity is not in being human, but in being humane.” Therefore, all individuals are human beings but not all individuals are closer to being humane. Being humane is a higher level of awareness and responsibility. It’s a practice that comes with exposure and experience.
The walk to life is an ocean of endless experiences and challenges. One’s ability to manage and handle these obstacles contributes to self-growth and development.
The state of being humane comes with a collective consciousness and cannot be achieved in exile. Man is a social being and the best possible way to be humane is through interaction, understanding values and practising empathy for each other.
The voyage of being humane is a marvellous avenue full of twists and turns. But, once you are determined, you are closer to harmony. We learn, unlearn and relearn throughout our victories and failures.
Some small sensible steps:-
a) conscious awareness about actions and consequences.
b) helping the ones in need
c) being kind to animals
d) protecting the environment
e) promote collective wellbeing
Thus, the goal is not just to live for one’s self but it is to add value and enlighten the lives of those in need.
Repetition
Grammatical error
No proper explanation
Spelling mistake
No flow
Concept is not clear
Humans are to be known as an intelligent creature on the planet which can create and destroy anything. Evolution of humans is from being human to humane being . Where the humans had been changing form time to time, fashion , technology, etc . Expressing thoughts, ideas, decision making and can learn rapidly. The relation between human being and being humane is the adapting new things and doing improvement and development in society.
Task-1
Mistakes that have been committed are-
1. Grammar: inappropriate use of punctuation, verb form, and diction.
2. Repetition.
3. flow
4. Structure
5. Not concise.
Suggestions: –
There should be a proper use of punctuation, verb form, noun number, vocab. The writer should avoid repetition of words and should choose alternatives. The flow of the lines should be rectified. Last but not least, it should be concise and in a good structure i.e. define T1 and T2 properly and then the relation between the two and the importance of the relationship.
Task 2.
Life is a journey between human beings and being humane.
The human being is a living organism of the species homo sapiens. Human beings are different from other biological beings. They are conscious beings and they can learn rapidly. Unlike other living beings they are social, cultural, and emotional beings. Humans have different cultures, religions, languages, and dress sense. It depends upon the area and people he belongs to.
Being humane is a code of conduct for human beings. Humane means showing sympathy to other living beings. It includes moral and ethical values. It is something that they learn from their parent, teachers, society, and their own experiences. It demonstrates the behavior of a human. Behavior depends upon the circumstances they live in. Behavior is an integral part of human personality. Man is known for his behavior. Most if not all religions in the world give priority to good demeanor. The Gita, Quran, and Bible all teach good manners. Ashoka also mentioned in his inscriptions to be kind to other living beings.
The relationship between human beings and being humane is that life is a process in which a human develops his personality and becomes humane through his learnings. This relationship is crucial for the existence of human beings. This makes humans keep themselves in others’ shoes to feel the misery that others are feeling. This feeling makes man supportive so that in need others could help him as well.
Thank you, sir.
Mistakes in the above essay
Essay is not concise and donot mention many stake holders mostly repetitive
While describing about human the writer mentions us , which can be negleted but comes under personal
Cannot get heart of the essay , reading this essay is very distractive
Does not end properly , cannot find various arguments to support his view,like live examples to justify the argument
Havenot reviewed it
Model
Human being is a social animal evolved from ape and nomenclated as homo sapeiens , lives in a society and being human is a trend evolved because of some destructions happened by humans to the society due to lack of humanity and selflessness ,
And humans have to safeguards one’s rights and to erase social stigma to create a good society to live in simply reforming society with ideal conditions and a better place for every one to live , the idea of being human also has to push human to be productive which cumulative to build an ideal nation ,
As civilization evolved, an already existing trait is spreading its wings , which is selfishness which overruled selflessness in human behaviour . though humans evolved from animals , a trait distinguishes them from animals ie – collective responsibility , but humans are concentrating on individual responsibility over it ,where we have a theory in economics which deals with the “ tragedy of commons” here wrong and selfish decision taken by humans may leads to problematic societal conditions , to prevent it an ideology of being human was started , to constantly poke the fundamental responsibility of human to human for being human and create ideal society for humans
Use some authentic historic preserved examples while explaining exact plains criteria wise.
1. grammar mistake
2. Repetition
3. Use of commas incorrectly
4. Everything in a single paragraph aph
5. No command over the language
6. Spelling errors
7. Lack of understanding of the topic
8. No flow
9. Did not review the essay
10. Unable to communicate thoughts
A human being belongs to the homo sapiens species and performs like any other animal on the planet.
Being humane means having the capability of compassion, tolerance, patience, empathy, etc towards others. This ability makes them different from chimpanzees, monkeys, or any other animals.
When a brain grows human being starts to become a being humane.
Being humane is important for helping others, self-satisfaction, and for coordination.
Lack of flow
No proper structure
Bad Quality of conclusion
Lack of practice
Improper Introduction
Not Revised Topic
Lack of Interest in topic
Concentration grammar more than quality
Poor use of punctuation
Lack of Example
Reputation of word
Lack of Concentration
human being, a culture-bearing primate classified in the genus Homo, especially the species H. sapiens. Human beings are anatomically similar and related to the great apes but are distinguished by a more highly developed brain and a resultant capacity for articulate speech and abstract reasoning.
1. Repetition
2. Grammar including incorrect form of verbs, adjectives and prepositions
3. Use of commas incorrectly
4. Everything in a single paragraph
5. No command over language
6. Spelling errors
7. Lack of understanding of the topic
8. No flow
9. Did not review the essay
10. Unable to communicate thoughts precisely
11. Not well structured
12. Use of incorrect tenses
Human beings are a part of natural scheme of things, biologically classified as Homo sapiens. Our superficial understanding may suggest that being a human means following societal roles of mother, father, child and so on. But, what sets us apart from other species is humanity, meaning ‘values’ and ‘virtues’. It distinguishes a ‘human’ from ‘humane’. These values or virtues include compassion, kindness, respect for all beings.
Task 1
1)repeatation of same word
2)lack of grammatical knowledge
3)lack of concept
4)lack of practice before post.
5) miss interpretation of words
6) no starting and ending point of paragraphs
Task 2
Recommendation.
Sir as I already write an introduction part within 200 word and I also committing the same mistakes comparing with my writing
And as per my suggestion both of us and also who are committing this type of mistakes must improve it through practice
And before go to the final writing we must go through a pre writing and also review it
And find out the mistakes and correct them
On final writing.
M1: repetitive and redundant points
M2: human beings are Homo Sapiens not part of homo sapiens.
M3: grammatical mistakes in several places.
M4: difficult to interpret sentences such as “being human plays very important role in their differences because of that no human being can called as human being without any common senses they are all animals”
M4: formatting error, not clear where points are starting or ending.
M5: structure-less, no pre-writing
M6: writer is confused about the type of essay himself thus he is not able to express it.
M7: lack of revision is apparent
M8: sentences without actual substance highly generic. As if the writer is trying to fill the word limit.
M9: the topic of essay is clearly not right decision for the writer
M10: trying to appeal to emotions and feelings rather than presenting arguments
M11: excessive and ineffective use of passive sentences
M12: no natural flow of points
My suggestion would be :
– to practice writing dictations it would help in increasing pace and build memory for right grammer.
– to revise, add and eliminate necessary items from the work
-to ofcourse pre-write the structure, points etc
The relationship between human beings and nature has been dynamic. With each revolution the relationship status quo changed drastically. The earliest human beings were foragers thus completely depend on mother nature. Although the skill of tool making and hunting helped with sustenance, it did not guarantee protection from a million other ways nature could kill them. Human beings were not special for a long time. The superiority, human boost of today over other animals is the result of collective labour and flexibility of accepting change. The ability to work collectively towards a single goal made human dominance a reality. With the progression of humans as a separate entity from other animals nature’s role in human lives changed.
Simultaneous growth of curiosity for ethical conundrums and existential questions developed with the materialistic growth. From extraction of resources, to removal of obstacles of transportation, to building protection from natural disasters, nature became a provider.
However mother earth and its environment do influence the nature of human society through its climate and availability of resources. Several schools of thoughts such as determinism which suggested dominance of nature over man; possibilism which suggested dominance of man over nature; stop and go determinism have discussed the importance and extent that nature has on human life.
Mistakes – 1) REPETITION
2)FLOW DISTURBED.
My EDITED-
Human being is a creation of nature and is also known as Homo sapiens (biological name). Being human is a part of living organism to develop or create itself by their understanding or nature . Being human is a very important aspect of Homo sapien as it requires usage of conscience and common sense. Being human implies that human should be empathetic ,loving and caring about nature ,other inhabitants of this Earth.
the relationship is crucial to be developed for the growth of all, entire ecosystem. This relationship will lead to sustainability and ultimately will keep our mother Earth surviving reviving and rejuvenating.
Task:1
1: Repeating the word like human being most of the time
2: Grammatical mistake
3: unable to convince the thaught to the reader
4:Not using the punctuation mark like comma, Full stop so on
5: seem like no rough work went before writing the essay
6: Emotional appeals
7:Not use to conjunction to proper arrange the sentence
8:Use of passive voice
9: Lenguage is not effective
10:lack of clarity about the topic
11: Deviated form the topic
Task 2
Human being is creation of the nature. it includes men women children as well. Over a period of time human being evolved from homeo spines spicies. Form the development of this this spices they try to develop themselves consistently. like proper utilisation of present resources for their benefit. As we know human being is social animal they are governed through ethical norms of the society and learn through their mistakes.
But being human is much more different or complicated things because we should completely certain universal rules and regulations such sympathy empathy compassion integrity so on. It is not only related to the human being but also mother nature living organisms non-living organisms. This will not only promote world peace but sustainable development.
Too much of words for an introduction. There are some factual errors.
Species of the Animal Kingdom-Homo sapiens are living organisms that has the power to articulate speech, upright stance and the power to articulate speech unlike other organisms. They are better termed as Social Animals for their actions and reactions. Their lives in this society are governed by some ethical dimensions. In the many years of growth and development, they are instilled with a virtue that isn’t inherited, that results in them being humane and the virtue is nurtured. We become who and what we are by learning from our surroundings. The people and things seen, the knowledge shared, thought process and all other related things keep changing and developing over time. They don’t just stay as human beings but also become humane over a period of time when they show great compassion and care towards other species. The sole purpose of lie on Earth is established by being humane. Emotional attachment is important for an individual and way too more for the changes in the society. A lot of injustice and crime happen in today’s world as human beings tend to be worse than animals. It is a choice made willingly by human beings and is up to an individual to make that choice
Task 1 – mistakes committed
1. Grammatical error – ‘of being humane’ in each use.
2. Lack of clarity of thought – evidently visible whilst reading.
3. Unnecessary jumbling up of words
4. No structure
5. Flow of the argument absolutely lacking
6. Seems like no thinking – rough work went before writing began – no or little brainstorming
7. Emotional appeal – no LED used – logic, examples or data.
8. Use of passive voice – looking unnecessary attempt to fill the word count
9. Grammatical error – esp. in the use of tenses.
10. Seems like lost the argument – by the 7-8th line.
11. Failing to set direct relationship between thing 1 and thing 2
12. confusion in mind = reflected on paper.
Task 2 – rewrite the excerpt
Ideas synthesized from the given paragraph– origin from nature, being humane connects us to nature, superior mental dev than other animals, leads to creation of society, care for environment, lessons for next generation, sustainable dev, reoriented meaning of being humane
(Revolving around the idea provided in the excerpt): final draft
Origin of humans, as species, is from the womb of nature. But ‘being humane’ is a social trait. We learned this as we evolved, in a societal – civil framework. This humaneness in us, can be seen from 2 dimensions. First, how our improved cognitive development – improved our ‘humanness’ and vice-verse. Thus, both became a self-affirming and positively perpetuating cycle.
It led to creation and improvisation in the setup of society, providing secure and better lives. This in turn gave humans more pronounced opportunities to upscale the ‘being humane’ element.
‘Being humane’ should not be restricted towards ‘humans’ alone, as we need to ‘be humane’ towards our mother nature as well. This would not only promote world peace and sustainable development, but would also provide lessons worth cherishing to the future generations, to walk on the same lightened path and secure a better future for themselves.
1) Repeating words like human being.
2) Grammatical mistakes
3) Sentences are short but understandable
4)unable to convey thoughts to the reader
5) Lack of clarity
6) Not using fullstop, comma etc. where needed
7) Language is ineffective
8) Seems like not revisited.
9) No good use of conjunctions like and to join sentences.
10) use of passive voice
11) Paragraph didn’t giving much meaning
12) Lack of quality content
Suggestions —–
4Q2 and 12Q for brainstorming
Pre writing or rough work will help
Revisiting the essay
Little work on grammar and use if conjunctions.
No Repetion of words again
Use of active voice
Human being is evolved from homosapiens. It has better mental and physical capabilities than animals. Human is a civilized animal. It’s ability to use brain for betterment of larger group make it different from animals.Being humane includes kind and considerate behaviour towards others. Ability to feel other’s suffering and reach out to help them.
But this humame trait is not readily available in all human beings. It is developed through various processes and experiences of an individual. Some may have this in abundance while in others in sparse depending on factors like upbringing, primary education, experience of interaction with other human beings.
Being a “humane” human being is important as human has the capability to turn this place into heaven or hell. Human should make sure that it’s invention and actions should not cause harm to environment, nature and other living beings on this planet.
Repetetion of similar words,no use of conjunctions made it an unconnected piece,lacking stability of language,verbose,grammatically inconsistent,use of passive voices,seems not revised ,confused making it difficult to comprehend.
Suggestions:
4Q method,revise,use active voice,pre writing structure layout,use connecting words and avoid repetition
Ans1) there was a lack of exact expressions , grammatical mistakes, repetition, not reviewed, lack of understanding the crux of the topic, and the wrong topic was chosen.
Ans 2) Human beings are the creation of nature who developed different intellectual skills. Being humane establishes concern and compassion toward society. There is no humane without being human .The relationship between two is create a just society by where everyone coordinates each other. We can do this by being humane which includes compassion, kindness and sustainable development. Due to which we will be free from crimes and natural disasters. Moreover it will set a good example for our next generation also.
1. Mistakes: Grammatical errors, redundant usage of words, Lack of understanding about the core topic, Lack of proper structure formation, Lack of review
Suggestions: Pre-planning about structure of essay, Reviewing, Correct usage of words
Ans 2) Human being is a homosapiens and creation of nature the word human being means the the living organism which have the knowledge and understanding capacity.Human beings are the creation of nature who developed different intellectual skills. Being humane establishes concern and compassion toward society. There is no humane without being human .The relationship between two is create a just society by where everyone coordinates each other. We can do this by being humane which includes compassion, kindness and sustainable development. Due to which we will be free from crimes and natural disasters. Moreover it will set a good example for our next generation also.
Mistakes
Not understanding heart of topic
Reputition , more use of word nature
Formatting error ,flow missing
Gramatical mistakes
Changes >>>>>
Being human differentiate humans from other living organisms. Without capability to think , make choices we are no different to other creatures.
Being human is more than what we perceive. It means we are ready to change our thoughts, make wise chioces , inculcate good and loving behaviour.
The relation between two is to create just society where everyone coordinates with other . Being human means human being with humanity. Humanity is the highest virtue to possess to become better being .
Being human also includes within its dimension , sustainable living with surroundings and the environment around us , respecting the laws of nature…
Mistake
1. Excessive use of words in introduction.
2. Wrong defination of human being.
3. Wrong fact about common sense.
4. Some improper sentence.
5. Lack of understanding of core .
6. Not understand the relationship between both the parts.
Being human is how we act on things and human being is what we are. Due to the biological process we developed as the most intelligent species of known universe. But due to this development we sometimes lacked our basic principles and moral value. Being human refer the basic sense of kindness, maturity etc. We need to possess, it is a time taking process which cannot be done with in a day or week. Some time it takes whole life of a person to become humane. But this is what life is all about a journey from born as a human to develop yourself as a humanely manner
Mistakes:
1) Not understand the core concept
2) Unnecessary words using
3) lack of structure formation
4) Repeating words
5) No pre writing
6) Not reviewing correctly
7) grammatical mistakes
Suggestions:
1) using active voice
2) doing pre writing
3) understanding and concentrate more on the core concept
4) not to use unnecessary words
Human being is a homosapiens and creation of nature the word human being means the the living organism which have the knowledge and understanding capacity. Being human means the humanity of the humans towards other things. Being human gets the Drastical change in the society towards the development. Being human brings the love,caring and protecting towards the nature also. The person who are living organism with abilities of human being is not become as being human but the person who has kindness with the abilities of human being can be called as being human.
Task 1:
Repetition and redundancy
Lacks flow and structure
Did not understand the heart of the topic
Grammatical errors
Task 2:
Human Being is an intelligent creature which belongs to the species of homo-sapiens. The word “human Being” include both men and women. Their superior mental development distinguish them from others. Being human is the quality that is unique to human beings. It stands not only for being man or woman, but it is about changing our thoughts towards life, being loving and kind towards other humans, animals and the nature. The relationship between human being and being human is the creation of a society that is compassionate, sustainable and possess ethical and moral values.
TASK 1:
Improper sentence in the beginning, stating that ‘Human being is part of Homosapiens’ whereas human beings are scientifically known as Homo sapiens.
Not understanding heart of the Essay topic.
Repetition and redundancy
Out of concept
No direct statements
No proper sentence formation.
TASK 2:
Human beings (scientifically, Homo sapiens) are part of nature’s massive creations and their evolutions. Being human is an act of Human beings towards the other creations of the nature. The ability of being human could be mostly observed in human beings. All the human beings do not live life being human, but the one who lives being human would be a perfect human being.
Being human helps in development of human community as well as nature in a proper way. There will be much concern on the employment of resources. A society becomes peaceful when the people live there being human.
Human living being human will make him as well as his surrounding valuable, making resources useful and sustainable. The relationship between human and nature can be maintained well being human. Not being human might ruin the objective of nature in human life.
1.Repitition
2.Grammar mistakes
3.Passive voice
4.Lack of flow
5.The essay is not properly structure
Suggestions:
Understand and define clearly Human being and being humane . Avoid repetition and make it straight to the point. Maintain flow and understand the core relationship and don’t deviate
TASK 1.
1. The passage indicates lack of adequate pre-writing.
2. No clear identification of Thing 1, Thing 2 and their relationship.
3. There is a lot of repetition.
4. The passage lacks in both grammar and content.
5. Some sentences are too long to derive the intended meaning by the author.
TASK 2.
Human being, or homosapien is a natural creation which refers to men, women and children in physical domain. Whereas, being humane is the cognitive domain wherein a deeper connect is experienced with nature. It is this cognitive behavior and its application to a larger understanding of the nature and world around which distinguishes humans from other species.
Being humane has multiple dimensions such as; social, environmental, economical, ethical and spiritual. Social dimension promotes harmony, peace and equality in society. Environmental dimension caters to sustainable achievement of human aspirations. Economical dimension ensures judicious and equitable use of natural resources both locally and globally, which was aptly displayed by certain individuals as well as organisations during COVID crisis. The ethical dimension is a catalyst to being humane. Lastly, the spiritual dimension can be regarded as the amalgamation of all the other dimensions wherein an individual experiences oneness with the nature in all its forms.
1. The essay is not properly structured
2 Sentences are not arranged properly
3 There is no connection between thing 1 and thing 2 can be seen
4 Use of passive voice
5 Use of grammar is incorrect
6 lacks clarity
7 Repetitions
Human being or homosapiens is the creation of nature. The word human means us, man and women. Superior mental development and common sense distinguishes human beings from other animals. Being human not only means to behave like human but also the ability to change thoughts towards life, behavior and nature . The relation between human being and being human leads creation or development of society with both common sense and humanity. Their relationship is very important for the next generation to understand the concept of humanity and respect towards nature. Appreciation and protection of nature from human beings and our disastrous habits is the real meaning of being human.
Task -1
Mistakes
Mistake 6: Use of passive voice
Mistake 7: Repetition of content shows lack of pre-writing
Mistake 9: Repetition and redundancy
Mistake 10: Formatting errors leading to unintelligible sentences. Lack of proper use of punctuation and grammar.
Mistake 11: Use of long sentences shows the examiner, the writer’s shortcomings in grammar.
Mistake 12: Not Revising and reviewing the answer sheet. Evident from the redundancy and lack of proper punctuation.
Suggestions:
1. Use of Active voice.
2. Use of shorter sentences.
3. Writing concisely without beating around the bush.
4. Use of proper punctuation and grammar.
5. Do pre-writing before starting an essay and review essay after its completion
Task – 2:
Human being is a creation of nature. Human Being refers to biological man, woman or a child. Humans are called Homo Sapiens in Scientific terminology. In his book “Homo Sapiens”, author Yuval Noah Harari says that ability to imagine, think rationally, to cooperate with other humans has led to Human beings becoming dominant species of earth. Humans have accrued great power for themselves with the help of technology. Hence it also the responsibility of humans to protect the earth and its living beings. This responsibility can be realisied by being humane. Being human involves compassion, empathy for other fellow humans, animals and the nature surrounding us. Life is a journey to transform a biological species into a social species by understanding their true nature. Development of society with above values is the need of the hour in face of crisis’ like climate change, increasing hatred among different human groups. The current generations have to atleast start working towards solutions for these crisis’. In this way we need to inspire future generations to be humane by being humane.
Task:1
*Mistakes:
1.Repetition of sentences.
2.Grammatical errors
3.Lack of flow
4.Bad structure of essay
5.Complex and less comprehensive due to the use of passive voice.
*Suggestion:
1.Avoid repetition of points
2.Improvement in grammar
3.Use of active voice to make it clear and concise
4.Improvement in flow and format of essay.
Human beings or homosapiens are the living organisms with hi-tech brains having extraordinary cognitive powers. Being humane is the virtue of humans which provides them the features like generosity, empathy, compassion, etc which is necessary for the well fare of their surroundings. Humans acquire these qualities of well being and learn the lesson of Moral worthiness in this long journey of life. The relationship between human beings and being humane is very vital for the sustainability of our nature and humanity. The course of transformation from human being to being humane is very necessary to fulfill our goal of well civilized society and to make our lives prosperous.
Mistakes in the passage
1 LED not used-the opinions are not substantiated
2 long sentences have been employed.
3 The relationship between humans and being human is not synthesized
4 Use of passive voice
5 Mix of ideas- the essay seems personal rather than objective
6 lack of punctuation
7 The Why’s have not been addressed in the whole essay e.g why loving behaviour towards nature is necessary?
8 grammatical errors- common senses, woman implied instead of women etc
9 Repetition of human being definition in first paragraph
10 Tough to read coherently- unclear ambiguous definitions
11 very generically worded
12 lack of content quality and clarity
Suggestions for improvement- The writer has tried to use deconstruction to define T1, T2 and R. Using LED would definitely add weight to arguments.The essay may benefit from Pre writing, revision and practice. It is imperative to make the essay easy to read.
Task 2- Alternative Framing
Human beings or homosapiens have evolved cognitively, physically, spiritually ,psychologically, socially over a period of time. We have secured the bare minimum and beyond- the food, clothes, shelter to protect ourselves. Humans now travel across the globe without wings, fight diseases with medicine, communicate even beyond our own planet!
The differentiation between an animal and human being reflects through the Cooperation in large numbers, dominance of natural resources, organised Complex Technologies and much more.
A man or woman by virtue of their being or actions can be called human or a beast.
This begets the question what does it mean to be a human? What are the features of a human?
When human beings join hands with humanity
there is peace and harmony, society flourishes
and there is a balance with nature. e.g Finland which ranked#1 in Gross Happiness Index 2020 maintains a balance between environment and development. It is not inhumanity but humanity that sets the right example in history for many generations,leading by example for what has gone and what is to come.
Task1
Mistakes
1 No proper introduction
2 repeating the same words
3 not following with logical answers
4 Grammatical mostes
5 lack of descriptive thoughts
Task2
Human beings is a creation pf nature which belongs to homosapiens. Homosapiens possess six senses unlike the other living organisms. Humans creates the and understanding of nature superior mental development with makes them superior to other living organisms. Humans beings are can’t be called humans without having the ethics , attributes of being humane.
Task 1
Mistakes
Unusal repeating sentences
Grammatical mistake
More than limited words
Not revised and reviewed
Solution
Avoid reptation of sentences
Use active voice rather than passive voice
Avoid using easy word use hard words
Revise and review
Task 2
Human beings are a creation of nature, which belongs to homosapiens. Being human creates an understanding of nature. Superior mental development and decision making abilities make human beings different from other animals in nature.Their relationship is very important because of that the next generation will understand the concept of humanity, and respect the nature.Superior mental development and decision making abilities make human beings different from other animals in nature.Their relationship is very important because of that the next generation will understand the concept of humanity, and respect the nature.
Task 1
Mistakes
Repetition and redundancy
Passive voice
Grammatical errors
Formatting errors
Not revised and reviewed
Solution
Avoid reptation
Use active voice rather than passive
Avoid grammatical errors
Revise and review
Task 2
Human beings are a creation of nature, which belongs to homosapiens. Being human creates an understanding of nature. Superior mental development and decision making abilities make human beings different from other animals in nature.
1.Repitition
2. Grammar mistake
3.passive voice
4. lack of flow
The paragraph can be improved by avoiding repetition of same words. Rearranging few words or lines could be better. Since, there is a lack of meaning in delivering the content. It would be good if the flow is restructured in such a way that could deliver the appropriate content to the examiner.
Task 2
Human being (or) Homo sapiens possess six senses unlike other organisms. They cultivate the art of being humane during their course of life. Compassion towards others adds to humaneness and one develops this in various stages of life. There are many role models or examples like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, that a person can follow to cultivate humaneness.
mistakes are:
no proper introduction
same points have been repeated again and again
passive voice usage had made sentences look complex
some grammatical errors have also arised
thing 2 is not understoon properly
heart of the essay is missed because of less understanding
structure is not good without spacing
corrected essay:
Human beings are the homosapiens and the smartest creatures in the world. Being human can be the ability to think and structure the society and environment.This common sense makes human superior to all other beings. Being humane is something that is related to the nature and behaviour of humans towards themselves and the nature. The relationship between being human and being humane is that without the humane values our life become meaningless.
Humanity is what makes our society a more suitable place to all the living beings. The importance of humanity is benefitial for the present and also for the upcoming generations. The balance between these two aspects also educates us to respect nature and protect it and not to destroy it.
Mistakes- Grammatical errors
Use of passive voice
not able to convey the meaning
repetition and redundancy
not revised and reviewed properly
Suggestions- Tr to write short, to the point sentences
do not repeat same points
reread the line to find grammatical error
Human being is a creation of nature, scientifically known as homosapiens. The word human means ‘us’. What distinguish human beings from other animals is our superior cognitive power. Without this mental ability a human being would be similar to any other animal. Being humane means to develop the loving behavior towards nature, humanity towards others. Being human should be the ultimate goal of human beings. Understanding this relationship is vital to pass on this lesson to future generation.
Thankyou
Task 1
Mistakes
Grammatical errors
Use of passive voice without following proper rules which are making the readers overlook the logic.
Repetition of words
Not orderly arranged
Suggestions
Use of shorter sentences
Pre Writing
Revision
Use of active voice
Human beings belong to the family Homo Species and are the most dominant species on the planet due to their cognitive ability. Being humane is a virtue developed over time in which the human being has the qualities including love, compassion, empathy, and others. The relationship at the first instance appears to be very straightforward but the complexity between the relationship becomes immense as we dig deeper into the topic. In this regard, the relationship becomes important to be studied so that the Constitutional goals of Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity are achieved assuring every person a dignified life.
MISTAKES
1) The presentation indicates a lack of pre-writing
2) Excessive repetition and redundancy
3) Lack of structuring; the transition between ideas is not demarcated.
4) Use of passive voice
5) Failed to understand the crux of the question
6) Grammatical errors
———–
THE EDITED PASSAGE
Human beings are the creation of nature, a species that share the planet with millions of other beings. Being humane, however, is a human quality characterized by understanding and compassion. This ability to be humane distinguish humans from the animal world. In fact, being humane is more about a behavioural change and the application of common sense.
But could there be a relation between human being and being humane? A cursory glance at our world presents the answer. Homo sapiens evolved exercising that relation. So are our societies which are bound by humanity. Even for individual human beings, the choice between being human or humane is part of their existence. This makes the relation between human being and being humane more nuanced. While the former comes more naturally to humans, the latter is difficult and deliberate. It is easier to be selfish than selfless. But once we stop being humane, humankind may cease to exist.
The human story could not have continued so far without being humane. Nor could have humans thrived or coexisted with the other beings on the planet. When humanity is on the wane, it damages the environment and affects the general well-being. And that is why to-be-or-not-to-be-humane is a decision that can determine the quality of life.
Task 1
MISTAKE 4: Not realizing that timed essays are different from untimed essays.
MISTAKE 6: Using the passive voice in the UPSC Mains exam.
MISTAKE 7: No Pre-writing in the Essay paper.
MISTAKE 8: Not understanding the heart of the Essay topic.
MISTAKE 9: Repetition and redundancy.
MISTAKE 12: Not revising and reviewing answer sheets.
Task 2
A human being is a most sensible animal. We can talk, understand respond to each other. We are different from other living species. As in simple words human with humanity. A human person who shows great care, emotions, gratitude, kindness, mercy, empathy, feelings, compassion for each other, including animals, society, and environment, and who tries whenever possible to respond to another suffering. The relation between human being and being human is to from birth to death continuous progress made human being better. This life learning and its application in life make him/her being humane. The journey of a human being to being humane journey starts from education, society, culture, parental figures, a belief system that makes them being human.
Task 1-
1. Grammatical mistakes
2. Punctuation mistakes
3. Lack of clarity in thought expression.
4. Unintelligible sentences due to usage of passive sentences.
5. Repetition of sentences
6. Lack of flow between sentences.
Task -2
It took millions of years on earth to create human being by nature, due to the process of evolution. Human beings are also called homosapiens which includes men, women and children. Their superior mental development distinguish them from other animals.
Whereas, being humane means not only to behave like humans but it means that they have to change their thoughts towards life and should develop loving behaviour towards nature.
The relation between human being and being humane is very important with respect to create or develop the society. One can be humane with humanity towards it’s surrounding. It means humans have to be humane, so that the next generation will understand the concept of humanity and respect the nature. Hence, to protect and save the nature from human beings’ disastrous habits , is the real meaning of being humane.
Task 1:
1. Grammatical mistake
2. No introduction
3. Repetition of words
4. Pre writing absence
5. Poor understanding of topic
6. Abrupt writing
7. Flow of essay is not proper
8. Relationship between the words seems to be haphazardly arranged
9. Unclear thoughts
10. No use of phrases and examples.
Task 2′
Human beings, who are scientifically known as Homo sapiens, are comsidered to be the most advanced form of species on the Earth. Human beings have the advantage to express their emotions, thoughts in words. They have the ability to talk, organize and manage things, proper decisive power, learn and adapt qualities quickly. On the other hand, being human can be defined as an act of kindness, care, love, honesty which makes him more mentally shaped and unique among all. Humanitarian acts are the examples of being human and shows the philanthropic side of man.
” Humans are like rays which shows path to the act of being human”.
T1:
Proper introduction is missing.
Repetition of words
No appropriate conclusion
Provide proper introduction
Avoid repetition of words
understand the topic.
T2:
Human being – so called homo sapiens ate the smartest species in the world. It includes men, women and childrens. Unlike other human beings have higher mental development such as cognition, coordination, etc. Being human includes not to deal with other species as a matter of survival of the fittest, But to aware our upcoming generations about supporting, protecting and preserving the surrounding.
Mistakes –
No proper introduction
Not understand the core of the essay
Repeatation of words
Excess use of comma
No proper definition
Some Facts are worng
Lack of flow
No proper structure
No conclusion
Lack of practice
Suggestion
First understand the core of the essay
Avoid repetition
Avoid grammar mistakes
Practice more & review
Human being-
Human being can be said as a men,women or a child.Human being is the most intelligent creature of the earth.
Human being have the ability to think or mental development to choose between the right and worng.As a human being we all have some felling and fearin our life but it’s a beautiful art of transformation from being imperfect to a perfect human being.
T1. Mistakes.-
Mistake no 5,6,7,8,9,& 12.
Suggestions-
1. Comprehending core of a essay topic.
2. Avoid repetition of thoughts.
3. Avoid unnecessary complicated sentences.
4. Look for coherence in writing.
T2.
Human being represents smartest social animal on planet. Human’s ability to comprehend, thinking, planning and ability of communication made it different from all the other animals. Thus, it has taken apex position on earth, but this does not make it above each and every living thing on earth. This is where being human comes in to play, being human denotes to the sensitive, compassionate and indifferent mindset of human towards other living things in surroundings. And throughout life human being struggle to achieve attributes that makes it being human.
TASK 1
12 MISTAKES
1. No proper introduction
2. Repetition of many words
3. Frequent use of passive voice
4. Format of the essay is not followed
5. While reading the essay it is like reading difference between human being and being humane
6. Grammatical essays.
Suggestions
1. Proper introduction gives the reader to understand the flow of thought of the reader.
2. Reduce repetition as in the common mistakes of writing essay in UPSC MAINS
3.Use active voice
4.Format of the essay should be followed.
5.Use of grammatically sound sentences.
6.Correct flow of thoughts makes reader to understand the topics.
Task 2
Human being is a creature of mother nature called Homosapiens. Being superior mentally and physically distinguishes from other creatures.The sixth sense plays important role and it raises above the animals.The main objectives of human being is to develop relationships with society and surrounding through humanity.Nature have given us life to live in this planet Earth with all supporting features.We need to support and preserve nature
Task 1:
1. Repetition of words
2. Grammatical errors
3. Lack of pre writing
4. Proper understanding of the topic is missing
Task 2:
Human beings are part of homo sapiens and considered to be the creation of nature. Superior mental development distinguishes human beings from other creatures. Human beings have common sense that portraits unique behavior, characteristics to have an healthy attitude towards nature and life. The relation between human being and being humane is important for the development of the society by creating and respect the nature so that the next generation will understand their importance and we should protect from disasters that are made by humans.
Task 1
Repetition
Confusion
Thing 1and thing 2 not define
Grammatical errors
Misunderstood the topic
Task 2
Human being are the creation of nature. Human being is the class of Homo sapiens . They have highest brain capacity. Human beings are differ from other animals .
Humans have humanity which is called humane . The responsibility taken for the welfare of nature is the act of being Humane.
Task – 1
-Lack of proper introduction
-Repeatation of words
-Grammatical mistakes
-Difficult to understand some sentences
-Repetition of sentences.
-Lack of connectivity between the words.
-lack of clarity in the aim of the topic
-Break in the flow of the essay.
Suggestions
:-Use Decision Matrix to choose best topic
:-Avoid repeatation
:-Avoid grammatical mistakes
:-Make sentences easy to read
:-Write relationship carefully
Task – 2
Human Being are the species of homo sapiens,who has the power to express, to think. Their life journey is long one. Being a social animal human came across many people with whom they make relations of love, friendship and hatred too. And then their magical journey from human being to being humane starts.
Being human is the way of living the journey of life.
Human who shows care, respect for each other, including animals, society and environment, who tries whenever possible to respond to another suffering. From birth to death the continuous progress made them better. This life learning and its application in life make them being humane.
1. human being, human are used repeatedly
2. Redundancy
3. Quite unclear thought process
4. Elaboration could’ve been done,extensive use of adjectives ,so that the write-up looks interesting and catchy
5. Flow is constrained and not smooth
Task 2
“The ancestor of every action is a thought”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Also known as Homo Sapiens in scientific term,it includes all the genders,all age groups in it.Highly creative,strong communication has enabled humans to create their own language, civilization,culture,rituals,history etc .
Being human is a concept used for the moral sensitivity and ethical values one can imbibe and persevere.
The main characteristics of human makes them a part from other living beings, it is just because each and every humans have their own perspective regarding their thoughts, rituals, etc., which is lack in other type of living beings i.e. , animals.
The relationship between human being and being humane is to bring positive changes ,develop society strive for rights ,kindness to animals and nature etc.
Nature is a very important aspect of earth.
It not only involves, just plants and flowers ,bit the whole of flora and fauna.
Saving it and contributing in nourishing it by saving them from destructive activities and invention, so that the earth and global world is flourished
But, sometimes in the process of being humane some people actually stop enjoying being born as human.Burning out and leaving out all the fun and happiness can,but thinking and viewing things from a single side,takes toll on them
Therefore,keeping all this in mind, being humane is actually the humanity existence to understand and learn something from nate and a lot of other thing
TASK 1 :
1. repetition of words – human being, human
2. unnecessary comma’s
3. relation not clear specifically human being and being human i.e. Thing 1 and Thing 2.
4. Introduction and conclusion is defined in one paragraph only
5. no proper word defined
6. flow should be improve
TASK 2 :
Human being is a creation of nature and part of homo sapiens. Human is living being who have ability to perform certain task, has ability to think and perform certain task which other species don’t have. human has ability to create or destroy the certain things or recreate and renovate the thing in the nature by using innovative thinking. with creative mind set and ability human have made huge drastic change in life, in the areas like space, engineering, medical, pharmacy, navigation, air craft, spiritualism and this evaluative changes in the human history by man kind.
Task 1
1. Repetition of word ‘human being’ and ‘being human’, it should be avoided.
2. The definition of human can be more modified and cleared.
3. The same words are repetitive ‘human being’ and ‘being human’ which make sentence confused and ambiguous, do not make exact sense at all.
4. Some sentences doesn’t required to enlarge the passage, that’s a useless stuff.
Task 2
The passage must be written as follow:
Man is a product of his thoughts, what he think, he becomes.
-Mahatma Gandhi
Human being, a creation of nature, also known as Homo Sapiens in scientific term. The word human may be defined as, a man, woman, child and transgender too. Being human is the part of living organisms, develop or create itself by their understanding.
Superior mental development differentiate human being from other animals. The main characteristics of human makes them a part from other living beings, it is just because each and every humans have their own perspective regarding their thoughts, rituals, etc., which is lack in other type of living beings i.e. , animals.
The relationship between human being and being humane is to create or develop society with their mental development.
Being humane than can be justified if there is humanity existence and important for the next generation to understand and learn something from it, in order to respect the nature, serve the Nation along with world also.
Therefore, the person should also endeavor to save the nature from their destructive innovation and invention, so that to survive the perfect and complete life with co-ordination towards nature.
TASK 1 : Mistakes
0. Slightly misunderstood the topic
1. Repeatedly using Noun instead of pronouns ( human beings repeated twice in the same sentence )
2. Prolixity & loquacious , lacks brevity to convey the same meaning
3. Lacks flow . successive statement doesn’t flow from the preceding one.
4. Lack of adjectives – uses “very important” , can use “Crucial” instead
5. Uses very long sentence . should use shorter sentences.
6.incoherent sentence formation. Its like s/he was having 2 ideas in mind and wrote about both of them in 1 sentence.
7.repeated use of “the” ; the nature , the human beings.
8. grammatical mistakes – a) human beings disaster habits -> human being’s disastrous habits. b) man ,women, a child -> man , women & children. c) misses connective like “be” , “like” , “as” etc .
9. too frequent use of commas . should use period and break sentences.
10. Fails to convey the over all essence or meaning.
11. Not breaking it into smaller paragraphs
12. Some sentences make no sense as to how do they help the writer make a case for his thesis.
TASK 2 :
Human beings are a creation of nature belonging to the class called ‘Homo Sapiens’. Being humane means true understanding of nature. Higher mental aptitude & Common sense provided by nature distinguishes humans from other animals. Being humane means not only to act like human being but to have to positive attitude about life & a loving behavior towards nature. Being humane means inculcation of humanity & love for nature as without nature humans would perish.
Task 1:- 1.he is not understand the heart of the easy .
2.grammatical mistakes .
3.using passive voice .
4. There is no clearly .
5.repetition
6.formatting problem.
7.lack of revision
Suggestion :-
1. Try to understand the Heart of the topic .
2. If u have not clear conception about the topic then please avoid the topic and try to attend another one .
3. Try to revice the topic after completing the easy .
4. Use simple sentence.
Task 2.
Human being is a beautiful creation of the nature ,all human living today belong to the species homosapiens. The word human means us, men ,women,child .Human has large complex brains enabling the development of advance tool ,culture and language .Humans are highly social being and tend to live in large complex social structures composed of many cooperating and competing groups ,from famils and kinship network to political states .
Suggestions:-
Take some time (8 minutes) to understand the heart of the topic and structure of the thoughts.Keep writing simple and short sentences.Don’t complicate and make the things wobbly . Give your arguments and counter-arguments of the Statement along with the examples if possible
Essay(200words)
Human being scientifically called Homo sapiens L. are known to be the most smartest and brainiest of all the living creatures present on the planet earth because he is the one who not only knows what is good for him and others but can work for that also.
Where, the first term (human being) is more of a scientific one, the second term being humane is more of a philosophical one. Being humane is not just about being born as the superior of all creatures, existing on the planet earth and having a long life span but being able to act in a way that it leads to betterment of it.
Life is nothing if it is lived without morals. When you do good to others, you do better to yourself. It is not always only money that gives peace and a sense of fulfilment. A rich man can have money but may not be happy because his children are in wrong company or maybe because he is sick enough that he can’t be made healthy again even by medicines and surgeries. If he has just made efforts whole his life earning money only and did nothing good for the society will he be feeling good on the deathbed? No. But if he has spent even a little time and a little money for the betterment of people who are not in a good position to take care of themselves or their children. He will probably feel that atleast he has provided a better life to someone to live. We have plenty of examples of people like Mother Teresa Mahatma Gandhi and many more. Who could have lives a lavish and luxurious life but they instead chose to serve people in need. They found more peace and sense of fulfillment in that. So, being humane may actually give a reason to be born as human beings.
But, sometimes in the process of being humane some people actually stop enjoying being born as human. They get too much involved into making this world a better place that they stop seeing how good this world already is. They just see thorns not flowers. They keep on complaining about adversities of the world and do not acknowledge all the good that is also present. It is important to see both sides of the coin. You can’t really look at one side and define its worth.
We also have examples of people like Elon Musk who enjoy being born as human being. They are more inclined towards fulfilling their personal goals and they are happy with what they are doing.
Another example is from Ramadan, in which lord Rama left his wife in order to prevent anything bad in the society in future at the cost of him and his wife at a loss. So, sometimes being humane may ask for a big thing to pay. So, at the end I feel we should and we must balance being born human and being humane in order to make this world a place where each and every species can live happily, contended and at peace.“If you are born human, make it worth it
Task 1
T1: Wrong facts,human being is not part of homo sapiens but is Homo sapiens itself . No proper structuring. Redundancy . No proper example.Not understood demand of the essay or very core of the topic . Beating around the bush. No clear definition provided in the instructions. Seems no Pre-writing is done
Mistakes committed in above essay introduction are:
Mistake 1 – seems confused
Mistake 5- the writer chose wrong topic
Mistake 7 – not good flow of points seems no prewriting done.
Mistake 8- not understood heart of topic means no decontruction.
Mistake 9- repetition and redundancy which i found the cleariest mistake shown in above essay .
One should follow all the points shown in above assingment to avoid this common mistakes and make essays like what demanded by the examiner.
Human beings are part of biodiversity and are homosapiens. They are consist of different genders like man ,women.
Human beings are the most intelliegent and advanced creature present on earth.they make up many civilisation and through their culture lives a life with full of tradition,responsibilities,qualities etc and with advancement in technology interact with eachother makes best possible way to live a life
T1:
T1:
-Facts wrong, human being is not part of homo sapiens but is homo sapiens itself
-No proper structuring
-Redundancy
-No proper examples
-Not understood the demand of the Essay or very core of the topic
-Beating around the bush
-No clear definition provided in introduction
– seems no Pre-writing is done
Suggestions:
Take time (5min) to understand the heart of the topic and structure the thoughts.
Keep the writing simple.
Use short sentences.
Don’t complicate and make the things wobbly.
Give arguments and counter-arguments of the statement along with some examples if possible.
Human being scientifically called Homo sapiens L. are known to be the most smartest and brainiest of all the living creatures present on the planet earth because he is the one who not only knows what is good for him and others but can work for that also.
Where, the first term (human being) is more of a scientific one, the second term being humane is more of a philosophical one. Being humane is not just about being born as the superior of all creatures, existing on the planet earth and having a long life span but being able to act in a way that it leads to betterment of it.
Life is nothing if it is lived without morals. When you do good to others, you do better to yourself. It is not always only money that gives peace and a sense of fulfilment. A rich man can have money but may not be happy because his children are in wrong company or maybe because he is sick enough that he can’t be made healthy again even by medicines and surgeries. If he has just made efforts whole his life earning money only and did nothing good for the society will he be feeling good on the deathbed? No. But if he has spent even a little time and a little money for the betterment of people who are not in a good position to take care of themselves or their children. He will probably feel that atleast he has provided a better life to someone to live. We have plenty of examples of people like Mother Teresa Mahatma Gandhi and many more. Who could have lives a lavish and luxurious life but they instead chose to serve people in need. They found more peace and sense of fulfillment in that. So, being humane may actually give a reason to be born as human beings.
But, sometimes in the process of being humane some people actually stop enjoying being born as human. They get too much involved into making this world a better place that they stop seeing how good this world already is. They just see thorns not flowers. They keep on complaining about adversities of the world and do not acknowledge all the good that is also present. It is important to see both sides of the coin. You can’t really look at one side and define its worth.
We also have examples of people like Elon Musk who enjoy being born as human being. They are more inclined towards fulfilling their personal goals and they are happy with what they are doing.
Another example is from Ramadan, in which lord Rama left his wife in order to prevent anything bad in the society in future at the cost of him and his wife at a loss. So, sometimes being humane may ask for a big thing to pay.
So, at the end I feel we should and we must balance being born human and being humane in order to make this world a place where each and every species can live happily, contended and at peace.
“If you are born human, make it worth it”
Task 1: 1. The body of the essay does not hold insights, and points to relate
2. Repetition of sentences.
3. Grammatical mistakes
4.Not understanding the core of the essay.
5. Formation of sentences
Task-1
Mistakes :
1. Repetition of words and ideas
2. No structure
3. Not understood the topic
4. Using passive voice
5. Grammatical mistakes
Suggestions :
1. Know the heart of the topic
2. Repetition should be avoided
3. Use active voice
4. Avoid grammatical mistakes
Task-2
Human beings are organically inherited living beings known as homo sapiens organic compounds of existence in parts of nature continuously going through evolution and transformation, so to live a life full of values and principles. Human beings are distinguished from other species because of their developed cognitive cerebral behavioral capacity. The cultivation for joy, learning happiness purpose commitment to values and principles makes us intelligent being humans having unique strengths of humanness so to progress ahead. As Being Human is about living life in sync with nature, our mind tends to exploit nature for benefit-sharing between us, but to sustain long enough all of us have to develop self-consistency and self-dependency, all organisms have equality on the grounds of nature. Humans are solely responsible for their actions so to foster the mechanism of sustainable living hence all of us must commit to protect and save and help sustain the being as a whole for us.
Task 1 :
1. Repetition and redundancy : Too much usage of the word ‘human’ is prevalent in the passage which could have been avoided.
2. Formatting errors : Usage of unnecessary punctuation and several places
3. Heart of the topic is not clear : Clear message of the topic is missing
4. Lack of revision and review : Revision could have eliminated many mistakes
Task 2:
The evolution of the apes to modern man led to the formation of the species Homo sapiens broadly recognized as human beings. They are considered to be the most intelligent living creatures on the planet earth. A human being possesses the power of reasoning and rationalization which makes him/her unique from the rest of the living creatures on the planet.
On the other hand, being humane is a unique characteristic possessed by a human being which differentiates us from the other creatures. It is generally in the form of love, gratitude and care towards the other fellow creatures and living beings..
Human beings are social beings who prefer to live in a society and interact with each other, make new friends and live in harmony. Thus it is very crucial for a human being to be humane by virtue of which he/she helps the one in need and also gets the same help in return and thus lives in peace in the society.
1)not in active voice
2)repetition is more
3) sentence formation mistakes
4) no facts
Homosapiens are the most dominant animal present on Earth . From poor to rich,from blacks to whites,from slavery to freedom .Every person’s life journey is not the same one.Human beings have the ability to transform every thing into a chance and make them helpful. They were intelligent enough in every field they stepped into. Right from to early age to space travel . They had changed a lot in their creativity,way of living,technology around them.whatever the change is seen every where now.life is a long journey in which we face good and bad,ups and downs,sorrrows and happiness.life is like a mixed feelings.In this life journey being humane is very important.By being humane we can help the other people,animal. It shows our humanity towards other organism. It’s also a feeling which we express . The relationship between human being and being humane is always side by side. Nowadays it’s very important to show humanity towards others in these pandemic situations.That happens only when were being humane in our life journey.
:-There is redundancy in the sentences.
:-The heart of the essay is not clear.
:-Not revising and analysis the answer sheet.
Task 2
Human beings are the beautiful creation of the nature it belongs to the homo sapiens. The word humans refers to Man, woman and child. Human beings have well developed mental condition i.e, common sense which differs us from other organisms in the world. Being humane means changing the view to see the beautiful a life.
The relationship between human being and being humane is just like the bread and butter without being humane we cannot show our feelings for others. It also changes the the society. First we have to being humane with the nature and its creation. During this pandemic situation we see various people who shows their humane toward covid patients,needy ones as well as towards animals too.
Task 1
1.Missing Heart of the topic
2.formatting errors
3.Bit confusing
4.Repetition of wordings.
Task 2
Human beings are species of homo sapiens (wise man ) developed a lot from Culture to Civilized.we are having set of rules and regulations which seperate us from other creatures.Being human we have lots of responsibilities in multiple dimensions which can only be full
filled with Humanity.for instance responsibility towards society, environment I.e. Biosphere .we can solve and do justice for many things in this society through humanity.we can also deduct social inequalities . Human being with Humane needs to co-exist cuz they leads to better society and better generations. Human with humane is a positive sign for great development in every aspect.
Task -1 :
Mistake no.3 – There are a few unnecessary sentences that can be avoided.
Mistake no.5 – Looking at the paragraph and the writing, seems like the writer has chosen the wrong topic.
Mistake no.6 – Usage of passive voice
Mistake no.7 – Looking at the structure and order of sentences, it is clearly evident that the writer has not done pre-writing.
Mistake no.9 – Redundancy and not conveying his/her argument to the point(kinda beating around the bush).
Mistake no.10 – Formatting errors (Adequate spacing and segregation of paragraphs can convey things better)
Mistake no.11 – Grammatical errors and a few sentences are unable to convey the meaning due to improper syntax.
Mistake no.12 – Revising and reviewing can help avoid the above-mentioned mistakes.
Task -2 :
Human beings are a creation of nature and are scientifically known as the Homo Sapiens. Superior mental development is what distinguishes human beings from other animals. Being Human deals more with the emotional side of a human being where man is compassionate towards the other living organisms, and a man without common sense is equivalent to an animal. Being human not only means to behave like a human but also to change the way of thinking towards life and nature.
The relationship between human beings and being human is essential for the creation and development of society, as being human is very much related to human beings with humanity. Their relationship plays a vital role in making future generations understand the concept of humanity and respecting nature. Nonetheless, being human is what helps protect and save nature from the disastrous habits of human beings.
1.No pre writing is done
2.Repitition and Redundancy
3.Not understanding heart of topic
4.Formatting error i. e. Essay not in flow
Human being are a creature of mother nature called homo sapiens. Being superior mentally and more creative distinguishes them ftom other creatures. Without common sense, not knowing how to behave ,a unique perspective , behaviour towards nature makes human no less than animals. The main objective of human being is to develop a relation with society and surroundings through humanity .
Mother nature have given us life and made us survive through millions of years. From our ancestors to us and now we will pass this legacy to our progeny. So we need to respect nature amd preserve it so that next generation will learn the concept of humanity from us amd save the nature from man made disasters.
Task 1:
Errors and suggestions for amendments –
1. The writer had missed to understand the heart of the topic. Sticking to it , is needed
2. Formatting errors and grammatical mistakes were evidently visible. Need to be eliminated.
3. Repetition and redundancy of the passage is derailing. Some analytical insights or arguments would be rather inculcated.
4. Need to review and revise before submission.
Task 2:
Human beings are coveted as the most advanced species of animal kingdom. With superior morphology, anatomy and intelligence, they rule the world.
But being humane signifies rather spiritual and psychological aspects of a being, filled with sense of good virtues. Humanity is something reflected in conduct and small acts of kindness, benevolence and sense of care and responsibility for all living beings.
Being born as a human being and behaving like one, are two different things. The relationship is a complex one rather, which defies all rules and laws. Dictators, tyrants and terrorists were born human, but they refused to walk the path of humanity. While instances of animals saving humans in times of crisis, reflect that this emotion, this Humane-ness is not just limited to humans. In light of the COVID pandemic, we see numerous examples of heroes in whites and blue(doctors and nurses) tending to the suffering souls. It is this spirit of being humane, that developed nations are helping poor countries to combat this war against the virus .
The experiences one had with life , the conscious choices we make , the way we coexist and ornate the world with our meaningful existence is all what makes the real difference.
Task 1: Grammar, no ore writing, no revewing
Task 2: Life is a long journey between Human being and being human
Human being scientifically named as Homo sapiens is the species of Kingdom Animalia which top the list in the hierarchy as it is only creature having special characteristic of self awareness among all living things. Being humane is the act of psychological behaviour that allows one to be kind and follow morals snd ethics. Ironically, Being humane is the complete transformation of human being and is encoded through the life time and its never ending process. Anthropogenic nature is what that is subjected to Human being and being humane is relative to concentric approach where every creature matters, as a whole life on habitated planet is the concern. The goodness lies in the topic that one cannot act as being humane without Human being.
Verbal sharing of emotions is the another key feature of human beings whereas internal communication is what adds to the quality of being humane. Its not new that like other creatures, human being look after for their survival constituting basic needs of food, clothes and shelter, on the same line being human constitutes the basic need of kind heart and purity.
Being human is personal choice and it entitled with getting simpler and sorted in every aspect of life, where human being is known as a creature which is most complex organism in all the kingdom in every aspect. So its the path from complexity to simplicity as one have to be rationalize.
Every individual has The right to life as a belief that a being has the right to live and, in particular, should not be killed by another entity including government. The concept of a right to life arises in debates on issues of capital punishment, war, abortion, euthanasia, police brutality, justifiable homicide, and animal rights. The concept ethically related to being human is equity, giving equal opportunities and better expressed as without discrimination while being kind.
No doubt human beings rule the planet earth, in this rigor he is becoming anthropogenic, doing things for his own betterment without looking for future consequences on other creatures i.e. deforestation done for the industries to set up has resulted in loosing niche for various birds, technology has overwhelmed the question to life of many species , development in some context disturbed the food chain.Being human is looking into humanity, not only self oriented but look planet as biological niche. One more example of being human is thinking and implication of NGOs, old age homes, child care centres, creating natural habitat for animals etc.
The survival of human being is necessary for continuity of species, maintaing food chain and food webs, while the concept of being human and its practicality is important in order to keep humanity live and maintain internal pleasure of human being.
Freedom fighters are great human beings who have fullffilled their responsibility
Of making India Independent and sown a seed of concept of being human.
Curently, in this pandemic the ones who are serving fir the nation needs is what can be called as humanity.
Where on one hand human being is developing, the crisis are going hand into hand for the shake of powerful, the other tool being human is serving the basic needs to keep humanity live for peace.
Human being is biological concept and one needs to be healthy being for survival and to evolve but being human is the production of social, emotional thoughts where one could look for greed free world, a chance to create better scenario. Hence this is a wonderful, transformative journey from Human being to Being human so , “it is during our darkest moment we must focus to see the light”.
Grammatical mistakes
repeated use of words
Flow and structure is not appropriate
Human beings are scientifically called by Homo sapiens . They are the creation of the environment. Their ethical values, thinking will create difference between animals and humans.
Mistakes
————-
1) Repeatation of words
2) Grammer mistake
3) Not revising and reviewing answer-sheets
4) difficult to understand some sentences
5) Relationship is not wrote properly
6) No chain between present and past sentences
Suggestions
—————-
1) Avoid repeatations.
2) Make sentences easy to read
3) Write relationship carefully
4) Do not write anything to reach essay size
Re-write an essay
———————-
Human being also called homosapien which is a creation of nature. The word human refers as men, women and children. Members of human race have speech, different appearance, long childhood, wear clothes and most important an excellent mind development. Superior mental development distinguish human from other animals. Humanity enhances personage. Being humane is a part of human life that develops through their experience or can be natural. Only live like human is not about human being. But loving towards animals, care for other creatures of the world, save an environment and respect others shows humanity. Strong relationship between human being and being humane can draw a world in a better direction where each living organisms can live peacefully.
Task-1.
1. Does not appear analytical in nature
2. Grammatical mistakes and poor construction of sentences
3. Expressing superficial ideas so probably the individual writing the essay has chosen the wrong topic
4. Repetition and Redundancy
5. Had not revised/reviewed the Essay
Task-2
Human beings belonging to the species of Homo Sapiens are believed to be the most intellectual animal species. They have the ability to articulate thoughts and reason, comprehend and express emotions. These traits make them a ‘Social Animal’ and have enabled them to dominate the Earth space. On the other hand, being humane is about practicing the core virtues of human beings for benevolent purposes. Being humane is about utilising superior intellectual skills of human beings for facilitating cooperation and not domination, for acknowledging interdependence and not perpetuating paramountcy.
Life is a continuum, human being is at one end and humane being at the other, in between is a journey. Throughout this journey human beings interact in the social, political, economic and ecological spheres of their life and evolve into humane-beings by learning from their experiences and inculcating humanity in themselves. Carving of human beings into humane-beings is essential so that they emerge as an asset in the material as well as natural spheres of their life.
The following are the main mistakes:
1) Repetition and redundancy – could have reduced the usage of word ‘humans’
2) Formatting errors – data could have been presented in a proper flow
3) Not understanding the heart of the Essay topic – Should delve deep into the point
4) Not revising and reviewing – it could have improved the quality
5) Lack of clarity – Should have been written more clearly
Human being is the creation of nature. Being humane is the ability to develop and understand each other and nature. Superior mental development distinguish human beings from other animals. Human beings can be considered equivalent to animals if they lack humanity in them. It includes them changing their thoughts towards life and inculcate a loving behavior towards nature . The relationship is important for the creation or development of a society. If they cannot understand and develop feelings towards their surroundings, then their existence is purposeless. It is important to develop a healthy relationship between the two so that the values of humanity can be passed onto the next generation and it could be preserved. It is very important is to thank the nature and to protect and save the nature from disastrous habits of fellow human beings.
Mistake No.
12 – Revising the introduction won’t affect the content but some extremely silly grammatical errors can be corrected.
9 – A lot of content in the Definition of T1 and T2 is repetitive and redundant.
8 – The content written to define the relationship between T1 and T2 is of mediocre quality, highlighting the lack of understanding of the heart of the essay.
7 – Introduction is not following a structure.
6 – A lot of sentences in the definition of T1 and T2 are in passive voice.
5 – All the above mistakes highlight that the selection of this topic was a bad choice.
A human being is a creation of nature, part of the species Homo Sapiens. Mainly superior mental development, articulate speech, and upright stance distinguish human beings from other animals. Being Humane is the compassionate nature of human beings. The quality of compassion endowed in human beings is reflected in their actions adhering to love, peace and development. The relation between human beings and being humane is of the progress or development that we perceive or expect in society. Life on earth as a human being without being humane is that of a devil and shows self-centered traits which further represents the erosion of the intrinsic value system. Their relationship is very important to show the upcoming generations the concept of humanity. It also highlights the progressive mentality which is needed to support the entire mankind and achieve multi-faceted sustainable growth.
Task – 1
Mistakes – T1 ( Human Being) and T2 (Being Humane ) are not explained clearly , Repetition of words , used unnecessary sentences , Sentences are not properly arranged in a meaningful manner and lots of grammatical error.
Suggestions – T1 and T2 should be explained clearly , Avoid repetition (e.g. “Human being” is used again and again) , Grammatical errors (e.g. full stops not at correct place) should be avoided.
Task – 2
Human Being is a creation of nature and refers to the member of the species “Homo Sapiens” (Here, used “and” instead of “human being” again as done in the given passage). The word human means us , that is , men ( instead of man as given in the passage) , women and children (instead of a child). Being human means visualising the world through human eyes from a human perspective (Modified the given line). Humans have the ability to speak , to think and to create the environment around them and this makes them different from animals (Modified the given line). Human being with no humanity is equivalent to the burden on this planet. The relation between human being and being human is for (instead of “to”) creation and (instead of “or”) development of society with their common sense. If a person (avoiding the repetition of “human being”) does not (instead of “cannot”) have humanity towards surroundings then he is equivalent to the burden on this planet (Modified the given line). Their relationship is very important so that the next generation could understand the concept of humanity and respect the nature (Modified the given line). It is very important to thank the nature and to protect and save it (avoiding repetition of “nature”) from the disasters created by human beings and this would be the real meaning of being human (rectifying grammatical errors).
-:Human beings are also called homo sapiens (Not part of it)
-:Human refers to Men,women and children.
Mistakes-:
1) Repetition of words like Human being and Being human.
2) Repetition of sentences.
3) Not proper arrangement of sentences
4) Poor grammar.
5) No clarity of thoughts and words.
Improvements-:
1) Distinction of T1 and T2 required.
2) Use of 4QC Method
3) Improvement in grammar.
4) Avoidance of formatting errors.
5) Pre writing required.
Mistakes : Repetition , No structure , Stating own ideas without backing of facts
Suggestions; : Use pronoun , use examples or reasoning , Flow of ideas
The word human means us , which includes all irrespective of any disparities. Human beings belong to the specie homo sapiens that is one of the beautiful creation of nature. Being humane is the ability of living organisms to understand others and feel for others. Being human is not only about behaving humanly but to make a humanly perspective towards surroundings. The role of being humane is inevitable in our lives. It is basis of developing prosperous society and being superior specie among others. The superior mental development is the quality which distinguish them from other specie. But without humanity their cogitive abilities can take a disastrous turn. Haulocaust against jews in history was the time when humanity takes backfoot. We should learn from our mistakes and cure them to set an example for next generation. Humanity is the ultimate wat to utilise our maximize potential to create a peaceful world for all.
mistakes : 1.Repetition of words and ideas 2. NO structure 3. Stating own points without backing facts
Suggestions : use pronoun , structure and flow of ideas , use examples or reasoning
The word human means us which includes all irrespective of any disparities . Human beings belong to the specie – homo sapiens , that is one of the beautiful creation of the nature. Being human is the ability of living organisms to understand and feel for others. Being human not only means to behave humanely but also to adopt humanly perspective towards our surrounding. What distinguish them from other species is the superior mental development . But without humanly qualities their cognitive abilities can take a disastrous turn. History has shown us this, the way haulocast against jews was done was the day humanity take a backfoot. The relation between humans and being humane is so strong that it becomes the basis of development of prosperous socities. We should learn from our history and cure our mistakes to set an example for the next generation. That humanity is the ultimate way we can make our surroundings a better place to live in.
Task 1
Mistakes-
1. Repetition and redundancy
2. Using passive voice
3. Formatting error
4. Little bit diverted from heart of topic
Suggestions-
1. Make flow proper and interesting
2. Avoid repetition
3. Use active voice
4. Use deconstruction technique
Task 2 –
Human being is a creation of nature, Which belongs to Homo sapiens species of animal and originate on Earth around 5million to 2 million BC in Africa continent. Everything who has characteristics of Homo sapiens included in Human like man, women and children. On the other hand being humane is the transformation of a common human thoughtful person having ethical and moral values and use these principles in taking decision and in his living life for a healthy and prosperous life .
The relation between Human being and being Humane is the key to sustain Human Life and other ecological life on planet earth and it also guarantee its existence in future too so that cycle of journey will be continued.
TASK-1
MISTAKES:
1.no pre-writing
2.formatting errors
3.not understood the topic
4.grammer mistakes
5.repetition and redundancy
SUGGESTIONS:
1. use deconstruction and brainstorming techniques
2.proper and logical flow
3.avoid repetitions
4.use active voice to avoid grammatical mistakes
TASK-2
A human being scientifically termed as Homo sapiens that differs from most animals by the high standard of psychological development, power of speaking fluently and coherently, way of sitting and standing, and decision making .Being humane is characterised by his compassion, sympathy, politeness for people and animals, especially for the suffering or distressed .
Task 1
repititation and redudancy
grammatical mistakes
some sentences made no sense regarding topic
Lack of flow/structure
Task 2
Human being is a creation of nature which is also known as member of homo sepiens species. Homo sepeins are distinguished from other animals by superior mental development. Human beings can act upon surrounding or environment to fulfill all their requirements and desires. Being human is the ability to living with better qualities of humanity.It is being human, when human beings understand that the creator of universe has created it for the essence of sustainability and balance.Along with the development practices , it is very essential to maintain sustainability in nature.
Task 1 :
MISTAKES
(1) Lots of words repetition
(2) Lack of flow
(3) Not understand heart of the essay
(4) Usage of Passive sentences
CORRECTION
(1) More Focus on T1 and T2 for more points to write.
(2) Pre-writing before writing main essay should be focused on.
(3) Decision matrix analysis of the topic would be beneficial to understand the core relationship of the essay
(4) It would be more effective in simple sentences with active voices rather focusing in content creation.
Task 2:
Human being is the most beautiful creation of God which will never be replaced with any other, the categories that comes under this is Men, Women, Childrens but inorder to protect the common intellectual behaviour towards each others an individual should inherite good ethical values dealing with others and not forgetting the value of god creating that should be respected.
Adopting the good ethical and morals value will lead to great examples to our future generations inorder to protect human rights and values towards each other as it will lead and impact to an healthy and prosperous life.
The issues I found was:
1. Extreme repetition: it seemed to hover around same points, of man, women and children twice or thrice, which is not necessary.
2. Some lines were so redundant which made no sense.
3. Grammar does require correction. In many places, humane is written as human. Tense is not correct, eg: distinguish will actually be distinguishes.
4. Lack of flow: How are we different than animals? This is not substantially explained.
5. Passive voice has made left repetitive sentences stretched.
My suggestion:
Human beings or scientifically termed Homo sapiens are as much as part of nature as other animals. However, the sole difference is the superior mental development seen in us. From this arises, common sense which differentiates us further from other conscious beings. Being humane stems from this very sense. It is that aspect of us which envelops the sustenance of human life. The absence of it has shown us catastrophic events-a-many. Thus, being humane is not discretionary but necessary for us to sustain as a species.
1: not understood the topic.
2: It’s confusing whether the relation is between human being and being humane or human being and nature.
3: flow is missing
4: no pre writing is done.
5: sentences are not properly used which is creating confusion.
6: repetition and redundancy
Human being are the most complex species on this earth. They have intellect, feelings, emotions and ability to communicate through a systematically defined language, symbol and gesture. What make human being most complex and special is the brain. The brain is an amazing organ that control all functions from the outside world and embodies the essence of mind and soul. Through the exercise of their brain they become most dominating species on earth. It is brain through which they can analyse, imagine, discover and innovate and are capable of influencing and changing the society through their intelligence and decision making ability, which has made them evolved the most. But being human and being humane are the two different things. Everyone can be human being with flesh, organs, body and brain by birth. But everyone cannot be humane. What make human a humane? By birth we all are human but our positive action and positive thoughts make us different from being human to humane. The one who has traits like sympathy towards others, being helpful, forgiveness, benevolent, friendly, kindness and honesty and the one who love and respect nature are the real humane. Humanity makes human is the relation between human and humane.And this make us different from other species or animals.
Task 1 :-
-repetition
-excessive use of passive voice
-not understanding the heart of essay
-flow and structure is not appropriate
-the though is not conveyed correctly
Task 2 :-
Human being of homo sapiens are creation of nature. The word humans includes all of us that is man, woman, and child. Being human refers to superior mental development, creating understanding of nature, surrounding and other living beings. Being human does not only means to behave like humans but also to have thoughts, understanding, and knowledge.
Being the dominant species on planet, it is our duty as a human to conserve and protect our nature, to have empathy toward other creatures and also behaving in more humanitarian way for betterment of society.
Errors Spotted:
1. Lack of understanding of the topic
2. No pre-writing in the essay paper
3. Lack of flow or structure of the essay
4. Repetition and redundant ideas
5. Formatting errors
6. It’s too confusing and can create mind diversion while reading this essay
7. Grammar mistakes.
Human being is the most sophisticated, intelligent animal on Earth that rules the earth. What makes human beings different from other animals is that other animals adapt to the environment for survival, but human beings have learnt to change the environment according to their needs over many thousands of years of our evolution. So, the actions of human beings not only affect themselves, but the entire ecosystem and every life on earth.
Therefore, it is absolutely essential for the human beings to be not just begin human but also being humane. Being humane means caring, compassionate, loving towards other humans, animals and nature in general. Since the advent of industrial revolution and capitalism, humans have significantly affected every part of environment on earth – air, water(oceans, rivers, lakes, groundwater etc), land(land degradation, soil erosion), space(polluted with millions of electronic objects spinning around earth), underground(mining).
Capitalism and globalisation encourages the rise in consumerism, materialistic culture, unscrupulous exploitation of nature, humans, and other animals as well, unethical practices, and focus on short term gains have made people to become more self-centered, less compassionate, and focussed more on individual material success.
If you love nature, If you love animals, if you love yourselves, if you love your family, and if you believe that all life have the right to exist, persist and reproduce, you need to be humane, practice humaneness in every decision you make, every action you take on every single day.
Mistakes:
Repetition of sentences
Not totally analytical
Formatting errors
No pre-writing in the essay
Lack of understanding the core of the topic
Using passive sentences
Poor flow and arrangement of the sentences
Balance between t1 and t2 is missing
Grammatical errors
Steps to improve:
Select right topic using Decision matrix
Deconstruct thing 1 and thing 2 properly
Understand the relation between t1 and t2 and the core of the topic
Maintain flow and structure
Avoid repetition
Use simple active sentences
Arguments should be logical
Avoid grammatical errors
Rivision and highlight important facts
Re-writing the passage:
Human being, a member of Homo sapiens is a creation of mother nature that represents the highest level of development of all living organisms on earth. They are gifted with common sense. Without any common senses there are no basic differences between humans and all other animals .Being humane is having human values like kindness, love, empathy, generosity etc which make human different from rest of the species in our planet. Human can lead a satisfactory life by being humane and create a good environment and well being of society. This is the basic relationship between human and humanity. This relationship helps our next generation to understand the importance of humanity and to love,respect and protect our mother nature. A harmonious relationship between the two is vital important for the creation of sustainable and peaceful environment leading to a prosperous life in return.
Task-1:-
1) Repetition
2) no flow in essay
3) confused
4) no pre writing
5) not understanding heart of essay topic
Task-2:-
Human being is social animal who has more thinking power and who is intelligent among all animals while being humane is to be sympathetic and be good to others. The relationship between being humane and human being is quite necessary as it is important for human being to know the feelings of others, not to hurt them to be sympathetic towards them. Human with humane can change there life and of society. So the transformation of human to humane is very important. So we can say that life is long journey between human being and being humane. Transformation of human being to being humane make the world better place to live in. Example: Freedom fighters sacrificed their lives for greater good, good of nation in distress and inspire us with there courage of conviction.
Mistakes I found ;
Repetition and redundancy
Formatting errors and grammar mistakes
Not unnecessary emotions
All of us are human beings, the creation of Nature as a evolutionary being humane. The word human in a literal sense means “Us” having abode on being earth, the mother nature. It consists of us, having common sensical psychic abilities to learn from the observation and perfect our daily lives and make use of all spatial and temporal dimensions to better the relations and cope up with the co-existential natural being henceforth human beings are simple yet complex psycho-physical organisms, capable of distinguishing between right and wrong, virtue-vice, so to differentiate case studies of self-consistency and self-dependence, to develop or build flourishing relationship with the being as in whole, to thrive and revive the beautiful abode of all life – not just human’s but all living beings. This progression is to be achieved by being aware of the hearty relationship between us as the very dependent origination of all creative nature. All of us are essential existence in all meaningful contextual importance of the Being, so to realise the prominent connection.
As in, to know better who we are.. and what we have.. in totality so to protect save and sustain the co-existence of us, by leaning towards neo- determinism.
Human beings are organically inherited living beings known as homo sapiens -organic compounds of existence in parts of nature continuously going through the evolution and transformation, so to live life full of values and principles and are distinguished from the other species because of their developed cognitive cerebral behavioral capacity.
The cultivation for joy, learning happiness purpose commitment for values and principles makes us the intelligent being humans having unique strengths of humanness so to progress ahead.
As Being Human is about living the life in sync with nature, our mental tends us to exploit the nature for benefit sharing between us, but in order to sustain long enough all of us have to develop self consistency and self dependency, all organisms have equality on the grounds of nature.
Humans are solely responsible for their actions so to foster the mechanism of sustainable living hence all of us must commit to protect and save and help sustain the being as a whole for us.
Task 1:-
Repetition and redundancy mistake.
Unnecessary words are used.
Not used deconstruction technique to understand the heart of the essay topic.
Formatting errors,too many commas used.
Flow and structure is not maintained.
It’s too confusing and can create mind diversion while reading this essay.No clear thoughts.
Content quality is not good.
Grammar mistakes.
Improvements:-
Deconstruction method should be used to understand the essay topic.
Brainstorming.
Repetition and redundancy should be avoided.
Grammar mistakes should get corrected.
Use of active voice instead of passive voice.
It requires clear thoughts with logic,facts and data.
Task 2:-
Human being is very important part of earth and beautifully created by God.The relationship between human being and humane is complicated to understand but at the same time both of them are necessary for positive thoughts.The word human means living beings who is a part of earth and owe some characteristics of humankind.Human beings are able to think rationally,make relations and we are also able to use the power and implementing those thoughts to reach the success.God created human beings with senses which makes them different and superior from others.Humanity is a quality and attitude in human beings which serves them as a good person.Humanity should come from within the person,it should be pure from heart.People are judged by their appearances ,their way of speaking and many other things but this should be stopped because every human is beautiful in their own way and has ability to achieve something in their life .Instead of judging others everyone should focus on other things which make themselves unique.Humanity is the most important key and powerful weapon to live life and enjoy to it’s fullest life.Our life itself is a long journey,so make it worth for living by creating happiness within our life and around the world too.
This relationship is very important for every individual person and for environment too because this world will be a better place with good thinking people and also for betterment of world and for society.
Corrected Essay
Humanity is the common inheritance of homosapiens. Human being are part of nature. They live in a society with values and principles. They are distinguished from other species by their superior cerebral capacity.
The cultivation of these values is what makes humans humane. These values are simplicity, compassion, trustworthiness, honesty and a desire for progress.
Being human is about living in consonance with nature. The human mind is ego-centric. It thinks that all the other organisms on earth are here to fulfil its whims and fancies. The truth is; humans being are as much a part of nature as other species. They have no claim to superiority.
It is humane to preserve the natural habits and use resources sustainably in the best interest of human species.
Task 1:-
Mistakes :-
1- No pre-writing in the essay paper.
2- flow or structure of the essay .
3- Repetition
4- Using anecdote on topic
5- Not understanding the heart of the essay topic
Suggestions :-
1- Introduction should be 100% logic or example or data.
2- Maintain relation between one line to another.
3-Know the heart of the topic.
Task 2:-
“Life is a long journey between, human being and Being Humane”.
Human Being-
Human beings are creation of nature, even all living organism are creation of nature.
Human means Man, Woman and Child without any gender and age parity.
Being humane:-
It’s not mean that the reverse of word “Human Being”.
Being human is an attitude or qualities that makes a human being to being humane.
And that qualities are just like kindness, consciousness, generosity, Ruth or humanitarian behavior etc.
Being humane is not mean to show compassion only on human kinds but to all the living organism.
Nowadays, people are judging any person by their skin color, way of wearing clothes and economic status. But it’s not the right way to judge anyone. So their is a line on judge
” Don’t judge a book,
By its cover “.
Rather than we judge any person by their outer fit but by their inner qualities like kindness, humanitarian and so on.It’s not mean that the reverse of word “Human Being”.
Being human is an attitude or qualities that makes a human being to being humane.
And that qualities are just like kindness, consciousness, generosity, Ruth or humanitarian behavior etc.
Being humane is not mean to show compassion only on human kinds but to all the living organism.
And the relationship between human being and being humane
Is the “process or journey”.
Journey from unconscious to consciousness, arrogant to compassion behavior, humanitarian to humanitarian qualities and so more.
1no prewriting
2 flow is not there
3 repitition of words
4 content is there
5 limition of words exceed
6 optimisticly used words
1. No pre-writing in theessay – missing relationship between thing1 and thing2. This is heart of the essay
2. Repetition mistake.
3. Unrelated sentence like ” their relationship is very important because of that the next generation will understand the concept of humanity and respect the nature.
4. Not maintain 1000 words in this essay.
5. It’s not a perfect content quality.
6. No clear logic,data and example in this essay.
7. Unnecessary words are used in this essay like ” man, women, a child.”
8. Formating errors. Doesn’t use good spaces between pharagraph.
1. Human being is not part of homosapien( it self humans)
2. i think , don’t need to define Human as men, women, child, old and young …etc
3. unrelated sentences > no human being is can called as human being without any common senses they are all animals
4. grammer mistakes >If the human beings can not have humanity towards surroundings it means humans have to being human.
5. shooting around the core topic instead of target it > Next generation
1. Unnecessary usage of words (like man, woman and child) which drives away focus
2. Lacks quality of content. It is neither meaningful nor is rich in facts
3. Very poor grammar that makes it difficult to interpret the sentences.
4.Poor structure and order
5. Wrong usage of words in many places which is misleading the reader
6. Many sentences do not make sense. For eg, the second last one says the relationship between the two things are important because future generations will respect nature. This is like a jabberwock and does not make sense.
1)Above writing totally showing the “personal ” mindset, intentions.
2) Can say anecdotes.
3) Lack of analytical touch.
4) Written without kept any vision of time or word limit.
Since in a part till now used only an emotional ( not fully explained) or personal thoughts,, not used the only important analytical aspects.
5) As said not well explained hence “grammatical errors “.
Mistakes
1.repetition
2.not represent the core
3.single dimension
4.grammer
5.no perfect structure and flow of essay
Improvement
1.brainstroming
2.repetition should be avoid
3.flow required
4.represent relationship between t1 and t2
5.multidimension about topic
Mistakes:
1.repeatation of words
2.missing linguistic flow
3.absence of correlation between thing 1 a d thing 2.
4.not using paragraphs for addressing two main “things” of the essay..hence no strategic smart spacing is used.
5.somewhat difficult to figure out what are the arguments and counterarguments the author is trying to convey
6.Grammatical mistake
Points of improvement:
1.writing small concise sentences
2.addressing one issue at a time
3.gradual building of relationship between T1 and T2 and a smooth transition between paragraphs containing different arguments
●Repeatation of words
●No pre-writing
● Formatting errors
● Grammatical errors
●Sentences are not connected
● Didn’t touch the heart of the essay topic
● Use of Passive voice
● Use of long sentences
MISTAKES (13)
1. Erroneous Grammar
2. poorly framed sentences –> makes the essay unintelligible
3. smacks of poor understanding of topic
4. choosing the wrong topic
5. Repetition and Redundancy
6. Not reader friendly
7. One fails to grasp: the components of the essay, the relationship between those components.. i.e; heart of the essay is unclear
8. poor flow and structure
9. No factoids, examples etc to back one’s arguments
10. not Multidimensional
11. lack of Revision
12. formatting errors
13. lack of Pre-writing.
SUGGESTIONS
1. use Decision Matrix to choose the best topic
2. use Deconstruction technique: to break the topic into its components and establish relationship between/amongst them
understand Heart of the Essay –> use ASK 4Q technique
3. Schematisation : for good Structure and Flow
(points 1-3 form part of Pre-writing and rough work.. must be done diligently)
4. Transcribing: active voice; short sentences; use punctuations; avoid repetition; factoids and examples; cover all dimensions
5. Formatting- use SSS and SOS cheat code
6. Revise and Review
Few mistakes which I have observed from the given example are –
Repetition of terms like human being
Relationship between t1 and t2 is vaguely explained.. should have been more proper
Spelling mistakes & grammatical errors
Lack of examples
1) use of incorrect grammar
2) unnecessary repetition of words
3) essay seems as if it wasn’t revised
4) unnecessary repetition of the same points
5) a better relationship could’ve been established between T1 and T2
6) average writing. no originality or authenticity
7) easy to read and interpret, but, boring. nothing out of the box or mind-wracking
8) poor use of punctuation
9) use of no examples, quotes or sayings
10) things were getting a little out-of-context every now and then
I found the following mistakes:
1. Meanings have been provided that are incorrect. There was no effort to distinguish between Thing 1 and Thing 2.
2. A lack of comprehension of the essay’s central theme.
3. Sentences tend to be sloppy and complex.
4. Flaws in formatting. There isn’t enough paragraph width or line breaks.
5. Some of the grammar seems to be inaccurate.
6. There is a dearth of material and efficiency.
7. The article seems to be more descriptive than logical. It has a more intimate tone to it.
8. Makes an effort to rely on emotional appeals or touches.
9. Ineffective and unnecessary efforts to be creative in language and speech.
10. There is an excessive amount of repetition and duplication.
11. Sentences seem disjointed and out of order.
12. There are issues with the link and the flow.
How can we improve it?
Adopt a more pragmatic approach and stop using an emotional touch as far as possible. Make sure you’ve got Thing 1 and Thing 2 right, and that you’ve given them the right meanings. Understand the topic thoroughly. Simple sentences are easier to understand. Link the sentences to give the essay a strong flow and structure. Using the 3SB and 12QC methods, generate valid and appropriate keywords. Make proper use of them in order to provide high-quality content. Avoid using the same terms over and over again. Use proper paragraph spacing, line breaks, and other formatting techniques. Make sure you don’t make any silly grammatical errors.
1.Unnecessary repetition of words.
2. Absence of topic clarity.
3. No concise writing.
4. Lack of examples.
5. Absence of deconstruction method application.
6. Spelling mistakes.
7. Grammatical errors
8.Absence of correlation between thing 1 and thing 2
#not added the main crux material on that essay
#repetition
#there’s no impactful introduction nd conclusion and no relationship between intro.,arguments and conclusion
#not much analyse it
12 Mistakes :
1. Human B can be explained in one line
(No clear understanding about being human)
2) Humans – animals comparison
3)Humans – Nature comparison
4) unusual grammar
5) use of I
6) Several use of HB and BH
7) No pre writing
8) personal Essay
9)Repeatation & Repundancy
10) Not heart of topic
11) Reviewed less
12) Passive voice
above mistakes identified and can be recorrected during
practice and revision by following these steps.
A) 12QC
B) 12 M
C)40 QR
D)3 SB
1) Repetition – Two Terms, ‘Part of Living Organism’, ‘very important, ‘the nature’, ‘meaning of being human’
Redundancy – Two Terms, ‘humanity’, ‘the concept of humanity’
2) Not Revised or Reviewed –
a) Grammatical Errors (Visible) – ‘to creation’
b) Wrong Words – ‘their understanding or’
c) Omissions – _____ ‘loving behavior’
3) Connecting Words –
a) Not Used – Long Sentences. E.g. ‘common sense being human’
b) Wrong Choice. E.g. ‘Because of that’
4) Lack of Structure & Flow Missing (Last Para) –
E.g. Defined 1 Term along with Relation
Points of Improvement –
1. Short Concise Direct Sentences
2. Right Choice of Connecting Words
3. Correct Basic Grammar for Correct Intended Meaning
4. Maintain Flow & Structure
5. Avoid Repetition (Words, Phrases) & Redundancy
Some of the mistakes are:
— Introduction is not phrased by understanding t1 and t2, and the relation.
— Unnecessary phrases which have same meaning as the other sentence, which is just elaborating the sentence but not adding a meaning to it.
—Most of the sentences are repetitive.
— No actual content, no examples, no sentences to support opinion.
—The conclusion does not relate to the purpose of the essay,no specific flow.
: Not understanding the heart of the topic
The relationship is not clearly explained
:Repetition and redundancy
:formatting error
: Grammatical mistakes
Steps to make the above essay better
1 Apply decision matrix
2 Rough work and brainstorming to generate more points
3 Add a structure and logical flow
4 revise and review
Repetition of words.
Relationship of t1 and t2 not properly defined.
Not understand the heart of easy.
Use of passive voice.
mistakes
defining t1 and t2 not clear
t1 and t2 relation to be more specific
grammer errors
flow is not clear
not structured
proper usage of punctuations
repetition
steps to improvise are
to make rough work using 12qs, structuring clearly with introduction referring to 4qs, revising and reviewing, addition of more dimensions holistically, support of reports,data or illustrations, maintaining the flow , conclusion is very important
I found these mistakes to be avoided, first is the repetition, secondly no proper order and structure, moreover grammatical mistakes while using the relation between being humane and human being. The heart of the essay is clearly not shown here. To improve we must follow the techniques as discussed chest codes, the essay is improper because of no revision and double-check
Mistakes committed in essay:
Difficult in identifying essay topic
Improper essay structure (i.e. intro body and conclusion not clear)
Short essay (not adhering to word limits)
Only thing 1 is clear i.e. human being no clarity about thing 2 and 3
Repetition of words and sentences
No facts and examples
Written in points
Irrelevance using nature
Steps to improve:
Choosing an appropriate topic
finding out thing 1 and thing 2
Rough work (write key words and examples which you are going to explain in essay)
Structured essay (intro body and conclusion )
Avoid repetition of words and sentences
Simple language (avoid using jargons)
Adhere to words limit
Revision and highlight important facts and examples.
Repetition of words
Lack of connectivity
Not well structured
Use of passive voice
Not in proper flow
Many commas
No content relevant to history.
sentences are repeating.
no continuation on any sentences, one sentence is complete then another sentence starts, there is no such paragraphs.
structure of essay is not properly designed.
problems are not shown and solution is given.
Here are a few mistakes I found in the paragraph:
1. Sentences are poorly structured, they do not make sense sometimes.
2. Use of passive voice.
3.Lack of understanding of the topic. (being humane is referred to as being human)
4. Punctuation is not properly used.
5. The relation between t1 and t2 is not clear.
6. There is repetition.
Mistakes
1. Repetition of words like being human and human being.
2. Repetition of sentences.
3. No proper arrangement of sentences.
4. No proper introduction.
5. Lack of connectivity between the words.
6. Unnecessary linking of Human beings with the nature.
7. Not understanding the heart of the Essay and lack of clarity.
8. Break in the flow of the essay.
Suggestions : Understanding the heart of the essay and using the Decision matrix method to choose the right essay. As this essay is some kind of confusion between the keywords/things i.e., Being Humane and Human Being.
Repetition of words.
Not well structured.
Some passive voice occurred.
Spottings:
1 Being humane not being human.
2 Human beings are homosapeins(not part of it).
3 Being humane is quality/persona of human being(not part of it).
4 repetition of word human being.
5 men,women (not man).
6 heart and crux is missing.
7 Irrelevant to use nature to describe the relation.
8 Grammatical errors like being humane is creation (to) or development.
Suggestions:
understand the relation between thing 1 and thing 2 and interpret that relation and justify its usage with proper explanation.Improve the grammar ability.Work on the structure and flow so that reader won’t get impression that you didn’t understand the topic.Choose the essay that you understand.
Mistakes
The structure of the essay is improper and their are many repetition of words.
It also uses a passive voice.
The flow is missing .
The balance between T1 and T2 is missing.
There are lots of mistakes in the eassy.
Repetition of sentences
Not exactly explained
Starting of eassy was poor
Eassy not well structured
1. Introduction was not properly structured and more repetition of words in introduction like human beings ,homo sapiens,being human,men etc., tells that the writer didn’t understand the heart of the topic and chooses the wrong one
2. When it comes to body of the essay,there was a jump on the each and every aspect without proper structure,which makes the reader confused.
The words here are more repetitive,which tells us about poor grammar which absolutely results into poor content.
3. Flow of essay is missing .
4. More sentences are mentioned in passive voices.
5.lack of balance between T1 and T2
6. Conclusion was irrespective with regard to the topic.
Need more balanced approach.
Mistakes
1 Repetitive words
2 creativity is not there
3 Lack of content
4 Richness is missing
5 Sentence not proper
6 proper arrangement is missing
7 Written without brainstorming
8 Proper way of presentation is missing
9 connection of topic is missing
10 Things not Highlighted
11 innovation is missing just like normal essay
12 Lack of proper words.
Suggestion
Start with proper drafting like Introduction of Essay Topic than main body where we can tell about the topic with quality content and try to use different words avoid similar words
Proper way of writing so everyone can read with flow and understand what author want to say by essay construction of proper sentence so that we can say our point correctly
The word creation of nature was repeated.
Definition was same to human being and being human in different words.
Using again and again it means Man and woman.
Way of approaching the essay in only one sided view.
The essay arguments carried through history, political, economical, geographical way made essay attractive. Reducing the repeatation of same things. Explaining the thing 1 and thing 2 and approaching sentences in simpler form.
LIST OF MISTAKES :-
a) ‘human being is part of homosapiens’
1.under this the word homosapiens is mentioned wrong, it should be homo sapiens.
2.the actual fact is human being only known as homo sapiens instead of being a part of it.
b)Definition of human being
3. definition is seems to be inappropriate and some missing thing.
4. creation of human being as mention in definition is seems to be inadequate.
c)’Being human plays very important role…………………………………………………………………they all are animals.
5. there are many type of creatures also who have extraordinary potential in comparison of human being but then also in above line human superiorness seems to be dull.
d)’The relation between human being and being human……………………………………………………………………………………….with humanity’.
6.there are many time repetition of words which makes confuse and irritating.
7. the word relationship should be mention in place of relation , etc.
8. grammatical mistake.
9. not make any sense and change or interlinked the topic with another without any sequence or flow.
e)Conclusion of topic.
10. its very insufficient and inappropriate ending of the topic.
11.the topic ending with other thing had to shift in main body part of the topic instead of mention in conclusion.
12. the message and conclusion bonding is quite unsatisfied.
Errors in the introduction-
1. Absence of flow.
2. Grammatical errors.
3. Too many sentences in passive voice.
4. Repetition leading to redundancy. (Due to presence of same jargon)
Suggestions-
1. T1 and T2 have been identified by the writer. Must remain consistent with that.
2. Better explanation of relation between the two is required.
3. The thoughts must be planned and drafted before starting.
4. This will lead to flow and structure.
5. Appropriate grammar must be exercised. Eg: Being human is grammatically incorrect. It is to be written being humane in those sentences with right context.
6. Revision is to be done to avoid all above errors.
Dear Sir, essay suffers from following mistakes according to my analysis:
1)It is a SUBJECTIVE ESSAY (the arguments are not strong, and don’t have facts/figures, examples to support them).
2) There’s lot of repetition (in terms of words(eg: being-human, human-being -> repeated multiple times) + in terms of sentences also (” Being human means not only to behave like human , it means man , women have to change their thoughts towards life, loving behaviour towards nature .
The relation between human being and being human is to creation or development of society with their common sense being human is very much related to human being with humanity.
If the human beings can not have humanity towards surroundings it means humans have to being human. “) seems to have near same meaning.
3) Essay suffers from FORMATTING ERRORS (losts of paragraphs with no clear-cut intended demarcations wrt flow of essay). Points have been mixed in non-orderly manner + there’s no prioritization of points and flow (it seems: writer didn’t perform ROUGH-WORK).
4)Writer tries to be poetic in some instances(eg: Human being is a creation of nature , human being is part of homosapiens) .
5)There are grammer issues and mistakes wrt wrong usage of words.
6) Passive sentence in place of active one(eg: Superior mental development distinguish human beings from other animals).
7) It seems: writer chose wrong topic and found himself short of points eventually.
8)Use of personal-arguments have been found (Very important is to THANK THE NATURE and to protect and save the nature from human beings).
How we can improve it:
1) Select right topic wrt which we have enough points.
2) Each argument should be followed by stats, arguments nd reasoning.
3) Structuring the essay prudently while considering each aspect of essay. Prudent usage of paragraphs.
4) Non-repitition of words and sentences.
5) Usage of active voice.
6) Improving cohesiveness in essay
7) Optimistic Conclusion
Mistakes:
Repetetion of similar words,no use of conjunctions made it an unconnected piece,lacking stability of language,verbose,grammatically inconsistent,use of passive voices,seems not revised ,confused making it difficult to comprehend.
Suggestions:
4Q method,revise,use active voice,pre writing structure layout,use connecting words and avoid repetition.
1. Repitions
2. Not fluent.
3.No clarity of thoughts.
4. Grammatical blunder.(Gave me a headache)
5.review not done.
The remedies
1. 4Q method
2.proper structuring
3.proper Gap.
4. To avoid too…many commas. Appears to b like a break when Bugati varon is on the run.
5.and rectifyin the above problms
6. Cleary defining the relationship between T 1 and T 2.
Mistake
1)Repetition of words like human being and being human.
2)Lack of flow or connectivity
3)Not reviewed or revised.
4)Grammatically Incorrect.
5)Thin T1 and T2 are not identified clearly and defined.
6)Proper writing space is not there.
Improvement
1)Pre-writing is required
2)Identify T1 and T2 properly
3)Define T1 and T2 and explain the relation ship between them.
4)Writing should be done in proper flow.
5)Use OUPFAIC AND 4QC method.
Mistakes
1. Repetition of words like being human and human being.
2. Repetition of sentences.
3. No proper arrangement of sentences.
4. Poor grammar.
5. Unnecessary break in sentences and change of paragraph.
6. No clarity of thoughts and words.
7. Unnecessary conjunction of huge sentences.
Improvements
1. Distinction of T1 and T2 required.
2. Use of OUPFAIC technique.
3. Use of 4QC method.
4. Improvisation in grammar.
5. Pre writing required.
6. Avoidance of formatting errors.
Mistakes:-
1. No mention of Thing 1 and Thing 2 neither the explanation of them nor showing any sort of connection between them.
2. Did not follow the Decision matrix
3. Explanation of the essay is not clear
4. Repitition of words with no clear meaning in the passage
5. Passive voice used
6. Revision not done
Suggestions:-
The passage could have followed the Decison matrix and could have used the rough sheet to jot down the points and keywords to finalise the essay, brainstorming would have cleared the concept behind the topic. Repetitions would have been ignored by that
T1 and T2 shopuld have been explained and then the connection could have been established between them.
Active voice wopuld have helped in avoiding the grammatical error.
Mistakes:
1)Repetation of words like human being repeated so many times
2)Not proper definition (T1 and T2 are not defined properly)
3)Lack of connecting words
4)Use of passive voice at someplace
5) Lack of knowledge regarding the topic
Couldn’t utilised OUPFAIC RULE in selecting the topic
6)Silly grammatical errors like (for ex: no human being can be called- be is missing)
7)Not reviewed properly
Should have started with OUPFAIC rule…so that appropriate topic could have selected then breaking it into T1 and T2 and defining it…
After the definition with a proper connecting line can be moved to next paragraph with proper spacing and use of active voice so that much can be expressed lesser words
At last reviewing the writing for further good output could have been done
Mistakes
– repeatation of words
-lack of connectivity
– lack of understanding of the core meaning of the essay
– sentences joined by commas are even not related to each other
-lack of flow
– gramar mistakes
-t1 ,t2 are not well defined
– conluding remarks in starting
-Even there is repeatation of sentences with slight mould
-lack of content
-Essay seems like parajumble which you need to solve it
-narrow in scope
Suggestions
First define the t1 and t2 properly then tell about their connection and why their realtion is important . Only after that you can come to body part. Don’t repeat words, especially sentences and try to be more lucid in conveying your opinions. Do write in such a fashion that even a common man can understand it properly . Always maintain a flow and use tenses as per the need. Don’t use superfluous words and passive form. Try to be precis , only explain those things which are required. Must add examples and connect them different dimensions.
1 The essay is not properly structured
2 Sentences are not arranged properly
3 There is no connection between thing 1 and thing 2 can be seen
4 Words and Sentences are repeated again and again
5 Use of grammar is incorrect at some places
6 The essay lacks clarity
7 not reviewed and revised
SUGGESTIONS
1 Try to understand the topic of the essay .
2 Maintain proper introduction by defining Thing 1 and Thing 2 in simple language .
3 Do not repeate the words and sentences .
4 Correct use of grammar is must.
5 Avoid using punctuation after every sentence .
6 After writing the esssay review and revise the essay to eliminate all the shortcomings .
7 Maintain correct flow of essay .
Mistakes
1. The sentences are not arranged properly
2. There is no continuity between the paragraphs
3. The meaning explained for t1 and T2 are not clear
4. The relationship between t1 and T2 are not explained effectively
5. Sentences are repeated with different words
6. There is no clarity in the content
Ways to improve
1. Before writing essay key points of t1 and t2 should be arranged properly
2. While writing essay key points should be analysed properly then it should be converted into paragraph
3. Topic should be analysed properly so that we can explain the meaning of t1 and t2 more clearly
4. Relationship between t1 and T2 should be explained clearly using appropriate words
5. Avoid using same sentences with different words
6. If there is continuity between the sentences and paragraphs it the content will be more clear
Mistakes:
1) lack of flow in the essay
2) lack of omnidirectional coverage
3)lack of understanding of the topic
4) seems redundancy in points
5) not understood the heart of topic
Way Forward
1) could have jotted down the points before jumping into the essay writing
2) reading and understanding the topic and by using decision matrix
3) covering maximum fields as possible
3)
Mistakes:
1.) The essay seems to be less analytical in nature. It has more of a personal caharacter.
2.) Tries to harp on emotional appeals, or emotional touches.
3.) Unnecessary and failed attempts at being artistic in the language and expression.
4.) Too much repetition and redundancy.
5.) Sentences seem unconnected and improperly placed. Problems with the connection and flow.
6.) Incorrect definitions have been given. No clear attempt to identify Thing 1 and Thing 2.
7.) Not understanding the Heart of the Essay topic.
8.) Sentences appear very complex and clumsy.
9.) Formatting errors. Not a good use of paragraph spacing or line breaks.
10.) Grammar seems incorrect in some places.
11.) Lack of content and quality.
Improvements:
Adopt a more analytical approach, and avoid using an emotional touch. Make sure to understand Thing 1 and Thing 2 correctly, and give appropriate definitions for them. Understand the topic properly. Make sentences simple easy to read. Interconnect the sentences to give good flow and structure to the essay. Generate relevant and necessary keywords using the 3SB and 12QC methods. Use them properly to give good quality content. Avoid repetition and redundant use of the same words. Do proper formatting by using paragraph spacing, line breaks, etc. Avoid silly mistakes in grammar.
Thanks,
Sujeet
Mistakes:
1. Repetition and redundancy :
love for nature is repeated
Common sense is repeated
2. Choosing a wrong topic: probably , because the word ‘humane’ is not used. Being human is used. Brings confusion in the writing
3. Formatting:
Starting of a paragraph is not clear.
4. Complex sentences used. Grammar mistakes.
5. May have skipped Pre-writing
Ways to improve:
1. Using different words. Like Care towards nature. Sustainable development. Treating others with respect. Developing selflessness.
2. Clear understanding of the topic using deconstruction
3. Giving space at the starting of a paragraph
4. Using simple sentences like Qualities like kindness, compassion differentiates human from animals
5. Using Rogh work
Mistakes:
1) Wrong definitions of human being and being human
2) Clumsy
3) Repetition
4) Heart of the essay been misunderstood
5) sentences focussed on word human
6) No link between sentences
7) Break in the flow
Suggestions:
Understand and define clearly Human being and being human. Try to generate words for both by using 12Qc and using the ESSELGO technique try to generate a better introduction. Avoid repetition and make it straight to the point. Maintain flow and understand the core relationship and don’t deviate
I found these mistakes to be avoided, first is the repetition, secondly no proper order and structure, moreover grammatical mistakes while using the relation between being humane and human being. The heart of the essay is clearly not shown here. To improve we must follow the techniques as discussed chest codes, the essay is improper because of no revision and double-check.
There is absence of connecting link between 2 sentences.
grammatical mistakes are present
Not understand the heart of essay topic.
There is no link between T1 and T2.
1.1) There is absence of connecting link between 2 sentences.
2) Not understand the heart of essay topic.
3) Repetition of sentences .
4) grammatical mistakes are present
5) There is lack of clarity on essay topic.
2. First understand the essay topic. The T1 and T2 can be explained properly. Connection between 2 sentences is necessary in essay.repitation of sentences should be avoided. Write essay in simple language. Always focus on good content than proper grammar .analyse your essay every time.
Mistakes :
1.Meaning of the topic misinterpreted.(Mistake 5)
2.Too much emphasis on the meaning of Thing1 and Thing2 .Heart of the essay : Relationship is missing.(Mistake 8)
3.Repition and redundancy of similar points.(Mistake 9)
4.Paragraph spacing and break inadequate. Lack of flow.(Mistake 10)
5.Not reviewed and revised (Mistake 12)
The essay should begin with the meaning of Thing1 and Thing2 of the topic with a connection between the two in 3-4 points. The relationship between the things should be analyzed and discussed with favorable arguments flowing into the importance of Being Humane for Human Beings to seek the highest potential in life. We can give examples from various aspects of life i.e. social, economic, environmental, political, ethical, moral, spiritual. We can then conclude the essay outshining the importance of Being Humane.
My Observations:-
The sentences in the article should begin with the articles ‘A, An, and The’ wherever necessary. The article must be appropriately punctuated for a better understanding. At some places in the sentence, the words have to be pluralized. The conjunctions and preposition must be used wherever necessary so that the sentences are properly understood.
The mistakes committed in the given article have been corrected and re-written below:-
A human being is a creation of nature. He is a part of homosapiens. The word human means us, that is man, woman, a child.
Being human is the part of the living organism to develop or create itself by its understanding of nature.
Superior mental development distinguishes human beings from other animals.
Being human plays a very important role in their differences. Because of that, no human being can be called a human being. Without any common sense, they all are animals.
Being human means not only behaving like a human. It means men and women have to change their thoughts towards life, loving behavior, and nature.
The relation between human beings and being human is in the creation or development of society with their common sense. Being human is very much related to a human being with humanity.
If human beings cannot have humanity towards their surroundings it means humans have to be human.
Their relationship is very important because of which the next generation will understand the concept of humanity and respect nature.
It is very important to thank nature and to protect and save nature from human beings’ disaster habits. This is the real meaning of being human.
1. Human being is a creation of nature , human being is part of homosapiens . The word human means us , that is man , women , a child. ( Mistake 11-No grammar)
Being human is the part of living organism to develop or create itself by their understanding or nature. ( Incomprehensible)
Superior mental development distinguish human beings from other animals.
Being human plays very important role in their differences(? Incomprehensible) because of that no human being can called as human being without any common senses they all are animals. ( Mistake 11- No grammar)
Being human means not only to behave like human , it means man , women have to change their thoughts towards life, loving behaviour towards nature .
The relation between human being and being human is to creation or development of society with their common sense being human is very much related to human being with humanity. ( Mistake 9- Repetitive)
If the human beings can not have humanity towards surroundings it means humans have to being human. ( Incomprehensible)
Their relationship is very important because of that the next generation will understand the concept of humanity, and respect the nature. ( Mistake 11: No grammar)
Very important is to thank the nature and to protect and save the nature from human beings disaster habits this is the real meaning of being human. ( Mistake 11: No grammar or content)
2. A simple one-line definition of human being and being humane should be given. The relationship between the both should be written followed by the importance of being humane.
In the above writing, the sentences are not arranged properly, like:
1)The connections are not proper.
2)Thing 1 and Thing2 are not explained clearly.
3)Repeating the explanation of the word Human being.
4)Wrong usage of the word Being Humane as Being Human.
5)No clarity in the sentences and grammatical errors.
6)The writing is not reviewed.
The writing sample tried to cover the core topic, but could not put it in proper words. The heart of the topic is around Human being and being humane, which the writer tried to explain but very unprofessionally. The language is very vague and due to which the reader looses the interest to complete it. The essay can be refined with proper usage of punctuation, reduce the repetition and bound to exact point of explanation.
Task 1
Mistakes
Unusal repeating sentences
Grammatical mistake
More than limited words
Not revised and reviewed
Solution
Avoid reptation of sentences
Use active voice rather than passive voice
Avoid using easy word use hard words
Revise and review
Task 2
Human beings are a creation of nature, which belongs to homosapiens. Being human creates an understanding of nature. Superior mental development and decision making abilities make human beings different from other animals in nature.Their relationship is very important because of that the next generation will understand the concept of humanity, and respect the nature.
-:Human beings are also called homo sapiens(not part of it)
-:Human refers to men, women, children
-:Being human is the ability (Not part) of living organism
-:no human being can be called(be” was missing)
-: Without any common sense(it can be a new sentence)
-:the relation….is the (not to*)creation or development…
-:same para..with their common sense (then fullstop). Being human is very much…
-:if human beings cannot have …it means humans lack behaviour of being human
-:last para…human being’s * disastrous habits.( No need of the line”thus is the real meaning of being human”
Brilliant and very insightful.
Your content is rich. Now to see how well you express it in arguments within a narrative for an essay.
You can upgrade and try to write an introduction to this in less than 200 words now 🙂
1) Sting operation is an invasion of privacy
T1=Sting operation
T2=Privacy
Sting operation :
Context : Corruption in Government and present political turmoil.
Importance of sting operation: When a sting operation triggers corruption at political and judicial level It brings out the deceptive side of the government which is hidden from the public eye .Thus making the government more accountable to the common people.
Meaning: Investigative journalism
Antonym: Inactivity
Knowledge: Referred to as an expose .A mission planned by an agency to catch a person who is acting on the wrong side of the law
Ethical question: Every individual has a righ to privacy, as per Article 21 of the Indian Constitution. Raises a debate on privacy
On the other hand Press has a fundamental right to express itself and the community has a right to supply itself with information.
Pessimistic : Though it is an important activity of a doomed society but sometimes it turns out so that the act of the accused person was not voluntary but the result of inducement from a certain agency .
Example of negative sting operation : The case of Uma khurana
Positive sting operation :Healthcare centres and ultrasound scan units
Optimistic : Indian media still holds some good principles.
T2 : Privacy
Context :Sting operation
Importance: Even we are nobody we should be careful otherwise others might distract us like data can be sold via social media .
Meaning: Privacy is the key that unlocks our personal aspects.
Knowledge: Privacy is the right to have some control over how our personal information is collected and used.
Pessimistic: Privacy is gradually stripped away
Optimism : Technological program has tended to increase privacy .Artificial Intelligence is used to further increase and protect privacy .
Good example: WhatsApp user policy change
2) Life is a long journey between human being and being humane .
T1 = Human being
Knowledge :Human beings are able to think rationally, make relationships and connections .
We are not only able to think rationally but we are also able to use the power of having that knowledge and implementing those thoughts to reach the highest level of accomplishment and success
Optimism : Human behavior strive to achieve morality in actions.
T2 = being humane
Example : Terrorists are not born they are made
The kalinga war marks an important transition in the life of King Ashoka and shows his life journey from human being to being humane
Optimism : In this current phase of extreme crisis we the human beings are isolated but humanity connects us .
3) With great power comes great responsibility
T1 = power
T2 = responsibility
Knowledge: power is the ability of a person to do or make someone or make something
T2=responsibility
Knowledge: obligation of duty ,involves penalty when failing to fulfill the responsibility
Good application of both the terms leads to wellfare of the society
Optimism for both the cases : Countries like USA and UK who gained more power in the initial years should now exercise greater responsibility to counter global threats such as terrorism.
Task1
First mistake I spotted is that not realizing that it is timed essay as he/she written 150-160 words still not hitting the core of the topic.
This brings me into second mistake that not understanding the heart of the topic
Third mistake is that it seems like there were no Pre-writting essay , resulting repetition and redundancy of words and ideas which is fourth mistake leads to fifth mistake that is formatting errors
Sixth mistake is No reviewing
Task2
Human being refers to ‘what we are’
and being humane is ‘what we act’
With evolution of the universe humans have developed psychology to great extent which makes them human being from others species in the world and makes superior to others species in the world and makes superior to them.
But becoming human beings is not only the single things we have done to sustain this world as it is today.
We have to have inculcate virtues and values, which is a complex task to do it takes lot of efforts and time to have willingness to respect the existence of others, acceptance of universal and natural truth , being responsible for the world around , is what help us in the journey of becoming being humans.